@jwd Tell him this in a text in response to the one you showed us. Tell him you apologize for taking his phone. You see he is stressed out and appreciate how much he wants you to be proud of him. Tell him you are proud and you love him and you see him. Tell him you recognize his friends are important and want him to have good friends. Then tell him you love him.
@sheryll Ack, that is tough. I think I would take a step back and try to connect more and understand what is going on with him. The fact that he is texting you so disrespectful ly, makes me think your relationship is pretty strained.
@sheryll I have a 12 year old and he has never talked to text me like that. If not all get him into counseling get the school involved if insurance is unavailable. I would down grade him to the most basic of flip phones.
Maybe your kid needs a mental health day, you guys play bookie get some breakfast chill and explain to him the meds matter his life matters etc. then let his friends come over after school get them some pizza and video games and let them chill. He can have both! But he’s not allowed to disrespect you and he has to commit to therapy
@sheryll Secondary school supply teacher here. I talk to them very frankly about what that noise means to me and why I don't want to hear it, usually in a way that is excruciating for them. If that doesn't work, I threaten to report them for sexual harassment.
@sheryll I'm sorry to say mine is 16 and still like this. Any issue is someone else's responsibility or fault. And the language...I despair. They know what to say to push our buttons. They know all the lingo to throw at us that scares us and causes us to back off and feel guilty.
Stick to your guns. Your boundaries around decent behaviour and curbing foul language are reasonable.
@midnightambrosia After reading all the responses, I did realize that he is in the “testing the waters” phase. We both need to come to some understanding of each other and how we feel. Good thoughts you, I can’t imagine what it’s like at 16!
@sheryll Had a big blow out from my 14 yo over the weekend. So I really sympathize. Sounds like hormones and teenager-ness turned up to max!
I absolutely did not react with grace initially. But what helped us reconnect after some space/time and when I was still feeling heated was to tell them: “I don’t think we should revisit the argument right now, but I want to tell you I love you.”
My kid’s need to be “right” just takes over their brain at times. And when they say hurtful things, I try to tell myself that it’s really, truly not personal.
They cooled off and then randomly offered to help in the kitchen. It was like a rubber band—they snapped back to connection after pushing the limits of disconnect. Not fun, but normal stuff.
@sheryll In my 34 years of being a Mom the best thing I have learned is to pick my battles. I really didn't catch on to that until raising my 3rd teenager. My youngest who just turned 17 has had an extremely rough age 13 - 16... finally last year I decided to just stop fighting him and to my amazement it has worked. I let him talk the way he wants and I pick my battles with him to narrow down the absolute bottom of what I will accept. I don't know if this is helpful. This parenting stuff is gut wrenching and nobody prepares you for what it will be like. Hang in there!!!
