More kids and more hours— help!

A

angel222

New member
I have three sons— oldest is 3.5, and 3 months ago I had a set of identical twins. The twins obviously take up a lot of my time during the day. I’m (almost) exclusively breastfeeding, and they aren’t on a schedule right now.

My husband is starting a new job next month that will add to his time away from home. He may come home late frequently, meaning I’ll have the bedtime routine solo w the twins in the other room. And, since the arrival of the twins, my oldest son’s main rebellion is to skip his nap— he’s often over-tired and my days quite literally have no “break.”

Despite all this, I’m recklessly optimistic that I can do this! Some days I have help for a few hours, and I enjoy my time with the kids as a general rule.

Here’s what I’m looking for: alllllll the hacks, tricks & tips for keeping a 3.5 yo busy while you’re busy yourself. Anyone have a trick for naps? Juggling multiple children? Playing while your hands are (literally) full? I don’t have many mom friends and I’m looking for serious advice of any stripe. I’m trying to avoid tv but I admit it’s been my default when the house gets too stressful— I’d love to cut it out again. I’m interested in hearing from anyone’s experiences!
 
@angel222 I had an 18 month old when I had twins. I definitely recommend calling someone over if you can to help out even for a few hours. My MIL came over from 9 to 3, and she’d make lunch, throw a load of laundry in and get my daughter down for her nap. Also, just to nap & shower. Once I got a hold on things a bit better, I felt more confident. I remember having a basket of the things I needed nearby, and I went and got crafts from the dollar tree. Play doh, stickers, slime, wipe and erase books are absolutely wonderful for occupying a toddler. I also had mine help. She’d help hand diapers, toss them, blankets and such. Also just baking is amazing. I’d grab easy cake mixes, cookies that I could just have my toddler toss on a pan & throw in the oven, brownie mixes and such. Having a toddler & two babies is hard! To entertain my babies, bouncy chairs and music helped a ton. It took forever to get a routine down because TWO babies! Going for walks feels amazing. I used a double stroller with a baby carrier forever and then I got the Zoe Triple Stroller (completely recommend!) and I would take mine to the park, walk around stores. Car rides were a savior since all three loved them and would sleep. Having two babies and a toddler was my toughest time. I wish I could have asked for help more often because I needed it. I needed more rest, more time alone. Good luck!
 
@allyoftherain came here to say almost exactly this. it was the hardest year of my life, hands down. get help if you need it, even if it's just an hour.

we threw the ipad at my older daughter to survive the evening twin routine. getting the twins into an easy nighttime routine is clutch: bottle, burp, kisses, crib, lights out. i did not do that with my oldest and at 5 she's still the hardest bedtime, but the twins are out like lights within minutes of goodnight kisses.

also, earplugs.
 
@angel222 Have you considered hiring a baby sitter to be with your 3-year old while you are still home? Even if it’s 2 hours every few days, that will give you a break. And since you are in the house, it reduces the worry of having a sitter.
Do you have the option of setting up an area that you wouldn’t mind getting messy? Maybe a tent or pack-n-play setup. That way, you could give your toddler safe paints, markers, play dough and not worry about it on your walls if you had to leave him alone for a few minutes.
My daughter loves stickers, and while I find them all over the house, they are typically very easy to remove and keep her busy for a time.
LEGO’s or the Mega Blocks?
If he doesn’t take naps - I tell my daughter that she still needs to decompress And that she has to sit quietly in her room for a time. Not sure if that will work for you but it gives them the feeling that they ‘won’ b/c no nap, but you get a few minutes of time without them.
Any chance he has to run around about an hour before his nap? Or move his nap an hour later? I’m thinking he might not be tired enough at nap time and if he was more worn out, he wouldn’t fight so much.

Any MyGyms or Gymborees in your area? While these can be a tad expensive, if it’s possible both offer drop off days where you could take your toddler and they will entertain him for a few hours.
If you have to use a screen, maybe ABC Mouse or an online learning app so it’s hopefully a little better than just tv.
Finally, depending on your area, maybe you can find a mom group through Facebook or Meetup.
Good luck!
 
@angel222 I have have 3.5 or old, and 2 18 mth olds (1 I babysit)
If possible section off part of your house. We have a regalo baby gate thats huge you can block off the size you have/need. Make that space for either toddler or infants.
Infant space - blankets, mirrors, baby toys
Toddler space - books, bins with different things ( I rotate mine so he doesnt always have them) trains, duplo, cars, play kitchen, play workbench, tent/tunnel ect.
Make a bin with craft supplies for you to do art together whenever you can.
At this age in found my son wanted to be helpful and have jobs
We got him a cheap (real) vaccuum for like 10 bucks from walmart and he loves to vaccuum.
Talk to him let him know what you are doing and why and when you can be with him next. Example i am feeding baby a then baby b then when that jobs done we can read a book ect.
Go outside go for walks. I would put the babies in the stroller and we would go on an adventure walk around the block. I'd give him a paper bag to pick up leaves or rocks or whatever he found and we would talk about what he was seeing. ( usually babies would fall asleep)
If babies fell asleep in the stroller we would play in the backyard in the sandbox/water table.

The most important thing to remember is that he went from having all the attention to splitting it and it will be an adjustment. Good luck
 
@angel222 We have a sandbox on our porch. It’s super messy on the porch but I prefer that over the backyard. Anyways my husband and I always say it was the best thing we ever did! My children are always playing in the sandbox. It’s also within view of my living room so I can always see them. They love trucks though- so I’m not sure if other kids who don’t like trucks would care. You will get sand in your house. But it’s the least of your worries and easy to clean!

Also we got those ball pits on amazon. Also super messy but the kids love it.

Best of luck and congrats on the twins!
 
@angel222 My 3.5 year old doesn’t take naps anymore (she can battle going to sleep for HOURS and it’s just not worth it, though I do think she still needs the nap). We allow her to have “big girl quiet time” she’s a big girl so she doesn’t have to nap but she has to be in her room with the door closed and quiet while our little one naps. Her room has toys and is safe and we have a video monitor. It’s not always perfect, but it’s helped us for sure!
 
@ihnoa We do this too and mandatory rest time provides you with a bit of a break at least!

Other mom tricks (I have 2 boys: a BUSY 3.5 year old and an almost 1yo):

-prepare a safe baby space so infants can be unsupervised for short periods of time (dinner prep, handling a blow out with one infant, etc). We converted our dining room into a playroom and use stair gates to keep it enclosed. It’s also helpful if big bro wants space from babies to do a puzzle or art project once the littles are mobile.

-prepare lots of activities in a closet that are not accessible all the time to your 3 year old. There are enough toys in our playroom for most days, especially since we try to get out of the house for at least part of every day, but if he’s ever starting to get bored, he asks for an “activity” (he has a power drill set, special puzzles, arts and crafts, painters tape to make roads for all of his cars or animals, yoga movement cards, etc). I also have a few super special activity ideas for “rainy” days, or days were totally stuck inside because of baby schedules or illness that comes up. For me, these include bringing the outdoor water table (or large Tupperware box) inside and I’ve filled it with dry beans instead of water, or this week I filled it with snow and dinosaurs and both boys were SO entertained with their mittens on inside the house. I also have a collapsible ikea tent and tunnel which are great for another fun different indoor entertainment that’s great for crawlers too, and a mini indoor kid trampoline that lives in our basement but comes up on days we’ve had to be cooped up. I follow a handful of IG accounts for activity inspiration as well.

-utilize grocery pick up services if you have them in your area so effort going out of the house can be better spent on fun, energetic activities. I keep a google doc with ideas to get out of the house, including library story times or Rec center tumbling classes and I also have written down other friends availability so I can invite them to meet up as well for my own sanity :) it can be hard to fit these in once the babies are on a schedule, but if your 3yo isn’t napping that actually makes it easier to work outings in between the babies morning/afternoon naps!

-set your 3yo up to be as independent as possible. Mine can open the fridge so I have apples and string cheese down low, and he can reach crackers, cheddar bunnies, trail mix options in the pantry. I allow these to be mostly unrestricted aside from immediately before a meal. Keep a water bottle full through the day so you don’t have to interrupt a nursing session to address an impatient, hungry or thirsty kid. Clothes within his reach so he can pick his own outfit for the day and practice independence with dressing. Ours is a really good “policeman” for his little brother, so we have discussed a lot of infant safety rules with him, and depending on your comfort, we taught ours how he can safely drag his crawling brother backwards if he is by getting a little too close to something “dangerous” and we are not right there, lol. Both Big and Little brother think this is hilarious and it’s been legitimately helpful to me a few times.

-We have an Alexa which is a bigger help than I like to admit, lol. I’ll tell my 3yo to have Alexa set a timer for xx minutes if I’m putting the baby to bed, or to give him time warnings on when it’s time to clean up. Then he can ask “Alexa how much time is on my timer?” instead of asking me every 2 minutes! He also will tell Alexa to turn on music, or ask her animal questions, etc. so I’m embarrassed to admit that she’s actually pretty helpful to field some of the 3yo’s attention needs, hah!

-also, give yourself lots of grace with messes and allowing more TV or snacks than you’d like in a perfect world :) You’re going to be busy, overworked, and sleep deprived, so do what you gotta do and be gentle on yourself!
 
@ihnoa I was coming here to suggest this also. I have a 3.5 year old and a 9 month old. Quiet time is essential, and my oldest knows it’s more for mommy than anyone else in the house!
 
@ihnoa This is the same for my youngest. She just turned 3, but hasn't consistently napped since 2. Basically she has to spend at least an hour doing a quiet activity like looking at books or doing puzzles. At this point I prefer if she doesnt nap because it makes bedtime awful, but she needs the quiet time to break up her day and give her down time.
 
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