Losing it; 2 y/o awake for hours at a time. How to break the cycle?

[maxinvasion]

Hey dads.

I’m losing my mind, as is my wife. Our 2yo dayghter wakes up every night between 12-3 for HOURS on end. 2, 3, 4 hours is not unusual anymore. She wakes up, happy as all hell and the only thing that makes her sad is when she has to stay in bed or stay alone. Then she flips her shit. We’ve removed the play room from the equation by locking it at night because it only worsened the problem. I’ve checked the camera; she just…. Awakes.

I need advice, we’ve tried so much; milk, no milk, bigger dinners, smaller dinners, shower before bed, shower after bed, lights on, lights off. Nothing helps. We’ve shortened her day-time nap, lengthened it… All these things have been done for at least a week. Bed time is between 7-730 usually.

Please dads; tell me ANYTHING to help me down. My wife and I do one night each but our jobs are very demanding and we can’t hold this up much longer.

Edit; It’s tough to reply to everyone but for now it feels like this is a regression we have to deal with. Some replies are based on information I forgot to add, others are completely new to me. I’d like to thank everyone for their help!

 

[katrina2017]

@maxinvasion Do 1 night each? What does that mean? Like you take turns hanging out with her? Sounds like she has a good reason to stay up.

 

[thjacks]

@katrina2017 Yeah OP tried lots of things but said being alone makes her sad, so reading between the lines says that they aren’t trying that. Well yeah she’s waking up. She has company all night. I would stay up to hang out with my favorite people.

I would say she’s probably ready to shift her bedtime a little later, aim for 7:30-8, and be firm. Go in, put her back to bed, and say “it’s sleep time goodnight.” She’ll have her fit and get over it. After a few times of that she’ll realize nothing fun is happening at 2AM and go back to sleep when she wakes up.

 

[ajjib4real]

@thjacks “Nothing good happens after 2am.”

 

[ivefaithingod]

@ajjib4real r/himym

 

[saltpackage1234]

@thjacks OP this is it. Well said Mr. Works8748. Of course It is definitely easier for the "have her fit and get over it" part when the kid is 6 months old and can barely move in their crib. But that ship has set sail, dodged the icebergs and arrived in New York City by now.

Also OP, playing hard ball for 1 week may not be long enough to reset the habit at this point. She might throw fits at 2am for much longer before she stops. Be prepared for a rough go. It seems like you are used to being awake but ignoring the kid will be beyond brutal the first couple nights.

 

[luaulucy]

@thjacks This is so key. We went through this too, and you just have to calmly put them back in bed over and over. It may take a few nights, maybe even a week or two, and she'll be mad as hell, but it's what will break the cycle.

 

[lamiha]

@thjacks Everybody does things differently ofc so what works for your kids maybe doesn't work for someone elses.

But with that said. In our household we're co-sleepers. Our eldest just turned 3 and he sleeps in the same bed as me. Granted he is used to this since he was around 16mo. Wife has the baby girl in another bedroom. Me and sonny have our own. We call it the boys and the girls room.

Be firm is maybe the most important take here. And be patient and resilient, make a schedule and keep true to it.

Me and my son do our nightly routine an hour before 7pm. Supper, brush teeth, wash face and hands, change diaper/underwear (he sleeps with diapers, started using underwear on daytime recently), pajamas, then let him choose one or two books while I change his water bottle, we read the book/s and no more books after that, then we turn off the lights and talk about our day. Then i say "Now it is time to sleep, good night dear I love you". Those are the keywords to him that now it is over.

Sometimes, he doesn't want to sleep after those keywords. Sometimes when my patience run thin because of a hard day or whatever I argue back, i'm not perfect, but the best and most efficient solution for us is that I say "No, now we are going to sleep, daddy is gonna sleep now so I won't answer back, good night love you" and I ignore him. Then he can throw whatever fit he wants but once he understands dad doesn't take any shit now and daddy is boring af he crawls into my arms and tries to sleep.

Usually it takes about 10-30 min for him to fall asleep after that, depends on if he slept or not in daycare.

Then it is gaming time for daddyo at 7.30-08.00 pm.

Lately I have started to let him be more independent. after the talk about day and some snuggling I just tell him "dads gonna be at the computer now, I'll watch over you, good night love you" and I let him fall asleep on his own.

Then it is gaming time for daddyo around 07.00 pm

 

[jane347]

@thjacks Yea, if She is going to bed at 7 and waking up at 3, that's 8 hours. We don't even do bath time for our 14 month old until 730.

 

[made2worship]

@jane347 Toddlers need more than 8 hours sleep man

 

[noorsk]

@jane347 For our son bedtime got earlier around 1.5yrs. He’s about to hit 2 and bedtime starts at 7:30, he’s usually asleep around 8, and he sleeps until 7am. When he was 14 months bedtime was closer to 8:30 falling asleep around 9 and waking up 5:30-6. Don’t miss that…

 

[jane347]

@noorsk 11 hours of quiet in the house sounds like a blessing. 14 month old is usually up by 8 on the weekends, has some milk and then we nap in the recliner for another hour. Our other is 8 and just comes down when she wants and makes herself breakfast. During the week I'm out the door by 5am and the wife gets them out the door by 730 to before school care and day care so 8 is sleeping in for us.

 

[janehenry]

@noorsk That's how it went with our eldest. She still sleeps till after 7 now.

But our youngest is the same age as yours. She's quite easy to get down by 730. But no matter how early or late you put her down, she's up at 5am. Every. Single. Day.

 

[mmelanie]

@jane347 My almost 2 year old daughter goes to bed around 6-7 and then wakes up about 7am...this morning she woke up at quarter to 9 though lol. Her record is 17 hours

 

[lamiha]

@jane347 1 to 3yo needs 11 to 14 hours a day of sleep. This includes the naps.

 

[annikita]

@jane347 Roughly the same for our 16 month old. This results in a bed time of 8:30-9 ish.

 

[llllllllllllllllllll]

@jane347 I think the spirit is right here, yes kids usually need more sleep than that but after 8 hours she may feel pretty refreshed for a while. Can naps go earlier? My 3 year old only naps the 3 days a week he is in day care and those bedtimes usually creep to almost 9pm! He still wakes up and comes to my bed maybe once a week and finishes sleeping there (daddy and I have separate rooms but mine is on the first floor with his so I’m the default all nighter if he wakes!) but we definitely had a long waking period phase. It all passes eventually I hope OP can hang in there and I wish I could delete your downvotes man sorry

 

[p4z]

@maxinvasion Let’s back up. How does she fall asleep initially? By herself? With someone holding her? Other?

Also, when she flips her shit, do you come running?

 

[chickensoup]

@p4z OP this dad knows what's up. Had the same thing with our 2 year old, hired a sleep trainer and in short, the problem is that our kid never learned how to fall asleep on his own. Answer these questions and we can try to offer some advice, but I think this guy is on to the right track.

 

[digg3r]

@chickensoup What did the sleep trainer suggest? Seems like every issue always resorts back to not falling asleep on their own, and the fix is to cry it out.