Is our daughter (11F) eating enough?

[eae45]

I’m worried about our daughter’s eating habits. Given how sensitive an issue this can be with young girls, I want to be careful about whether, and how, we approach this.

The issue is getting her to eat enough. At home we cook balanced, moderately sized and usually very tasty meals. She will often consume only a quarter of whatever we give her, often just the meat or the carbohydrate, and won’t want to eat any more. She also does this with “proper” meals in restaurants. The only exception is pizza, tacos, crisps (chips) or fries, which she will eat until she bursts, if she can!

We all eat pretty adventurously and love booking. She has always been a slow eater, and while she can be picky, by most kids’ standards she’s adventurous. A year or so ago she had to learn to regularly take BIG pills twice a day, which was a tough process that involved a lot of vomiting them back up again.

She mastered it, but I was so worried about it creating some sort of eating-related issues. She will sometimes claims she’s worried about choking, but this is usually when we’re asking her to eat more of something that isn’t as nice as she expected, e.g. a steak that’s not rare enough for her preferences. Her school haven’t reported any issues with her eating lunch, but she serves her own portion sizes there.

She is a heathy weight and height for her age, so it’s not so much the physical side of this I’m worried about as the mental side. She doesn’t have a phone, and as far as I know (we monitor her YouTube use) she’s not watching anything unsavoury about diets or beauty expectations. She’s still completely unbothered about her appearance, though the teenage stropping is starting to manifest!

So - should I be worried? Is it normal for some kids to just not eat much? How, if at all, should we encourage her to eat a bit more of the balanced and healthy meals?

 

[ablooeyedangel]

@eae45 Puberty can definitely cause a loss of appetite so it may just be that. If it is, her appetite will likely come back full force soon enough.

But I think you should talk to her too. She may have developed some anxiety around swallowing certain things and vomiting. Or it could be any number of things.

It can’t hurt to say, “ we noticed you haven’t been eating very much at dinner lately. I just wanted to check if everything is okay.” And kind of go from there. If she says she’s just not very hungry you can say, “that’s okay. I’m glad you’re listening to your body and honoring your hunger cues.”

As long as she’s not having a lot of weight loss or expressing that she’s in pain, or scared to eat I think you’re okay. Just keep an eye on it and maybe start a multivitamin to make sure she’s getting the right vitamins.

 

[pastorben]

@eae45 At 11, I wouldn’t be serving her portions. Let her choose how much she takes.

If she is at a healthy weight, I’d try not to stress. Just continue stocking your house with healthy options and fewer junky treats.

And/ or you could talk about it from a nutritional stand point & the importance of having a fruit or vegetable at every meal for example.

 

[christiananon]

@eae45 I have 3 girls and 1 boy who just went through or are currently going through puberty. The boy’s appetite quadrupled after puberty started. He will eat two full adult meals at a restaurant. The girls appetites all fell drastically. They will eat things like a cup of soup at a restaurant, and not finish it. They do like to eat snacks while doing homework or just coming back from marching band. They are all a normal weight and don’t seem to have any hang ups about their appearance.

The only thing I do is tell them is the occasional reminder that that the protein and the veggie are the parts of the meal that are healthy for their bodies, and the carbs are not good for you and only there to make the rest of it taste better. And that sugar is really bad for you, so try and be conscious of how much you eat. With that knowledge, I let them control what goes in their own bodies. I encourage a good multivitamin every evening, but I don’t force it.

I think the key is to give them knowledge and then give them body autonomy. Let their bodies tell them how much food they need. Always make sure they know that you think they are beautiful, no matter what.

If they do develop disordered eating, I think there would be signs of that separate from how much they are actually eating. That’s an emotional thing. Look for signs of that in their attitude towards themselves.

 

[katrina2017]

@christiananon Carbs are very good for you, and an essential part of a healthy diet. That’s why athletes are encouraged to eat carbs before athletic events.

Obviously, a diet made exclusively of carbs isn’t good, but neither is exclusively eating veggies, or just meat.

 

[jocelynvenus]

@katrina2017 And if you go with intuitive eating, no foods or good or bad. They're just food.

 

[christiananon]

@katrina2017 See, that’s what I thought my whole life. Which is why I now have pre-diabetes. I was wrong. Carbs aren’t really all that good for you, unless you are an athlete. Carbs are emergency quick burn fuel, that is good for right before a bunch of heavy exercise. But if you don’t burn the carbs off right away, carbs just turn straight into fat and over time start raising your blood sugar and affecting all of your organs.

My kids will eat chips right before marching band or tae kwon do. That’s okay. But they don’t eat a lot of carbs at dinner. The only thing after dinner is homework and bed. Carbs at dinner is not so good for you.

Also, people who eat just meat and veggies tend to be extremely healthy. Carbs really are not necessary at all.

 

[katrina2017]

@christiananon Yes, eating meat and veggies is good, just meat or just vegetables is a restrictive diet. In fact, by eating a no-carb, keto diet your body can go into ketosis and you lose weight.

I don’t think you can get diabetes from eating a balanced diet which includes carbs.

 

[christiananon]

@katrina2017 That depends on your definition of a balanced diet.

The standard american diet proscribes 45%-65% calories coming from carbs. If 65% of your diet is white bread, sugary cereal, pasta, white potatoes, white rice, and pastries, then yes you can get diabetes from that. If 45% of your diet consists of whole grains and non-processed carbohydrates in their natural forms including lots of natural fibers, and you don’t eat a lot of sugar, then you’ll be just fine.

Look, I’m just a random internet person. There’s no reason to believe what I say. Go do your own research. Google “will eating too many carbs give me diabetes?” and explore. There are contradicting opinions. Less contradicting science.

I didn’t want to believe it either. I love carbs. The thing that finally convinced me was getting my own blood work when eating carbs, and getting blood work when not eating carbs. Many times. I can’t argue with my own blood sugar values and A1c. I’d be lying to myself.

 

[katrina2017]

@christiananon I understand. However nowhere did I say that eating “too many” carbs is good for you, obviously it’s bad.

What I’m saying (and science supports) is that eating a balanced diet (including carbs) is good for you.

Lol I’m the same as you, just a random parent on the internet trying to do well by her children. I do have several people in my family with both type 1 and type 2 diabetes, also compulsive dieters. I’m trying my best to keep the middle ground here.

 

[katrina2017]

@eae45 The more you push, the less she’ll eat.

Why not let her serve herself? Put the food on the table and everyone should help themselves. Don’t comment on how much she eats.

Allow her to take some ownership of her feeding. I wouldn’t let her fend for herself, but show her how to pack her own lunch for school.

Also, incorporate her favourite foods in your meal rotation. Kids become less anxious when they have predictability.

 

[noeasyday121]

@eae45 I don't know the answer to any of your questions, but I wanted to drop you this link:
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Disordered-Eating

It's a free, evidence based self-help guide for people who experience eating disorders, published by the Australian government. I don't know anything about eating disorders and I haven't looked at the information, but I have used their guides for other mental health conditions and found them to be excellent, so I expect this will be as well.

There's also some information for people who are caring for people who have an eating disorder, on this page:
https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Others

If she does have a problem, she needs better support than a self-help guide, but I think this is not a bad place to start.

 

[seniorgirl]

@eae45 Honestly, if she mentions choking- it sounds like anxiety. Does she not eat the other food on the plate because of look or texture? That’s sensory. I would mention it to the pediatrician.

 

[junipham]

@eae45 This sounds fairly normal. Sounds like could use some diversity in the diet. Have her help with meal planning and cooking and adding new things to try weekly. Make a plan as a family to add more veggies. Salads maybe? Good for skin.

Why did she have to swallow whole pill? Dr did not offer another option? You couldn’t break them down? Ask for another option in the future.

 

[ironrose]

@eae45 How is she for breakfast and lunch at home?

My 13yo girl has always eaten very little for dinner and I believe more kids are like that, but for lunch she will make herself one or two bread rolls, and if she has just some of her lunch at school, she will make a bread roll in the afternoon.

So Im wondering is it a food issue or a dinner specific issue?

 

[sandgroper101]

@eae45 Depends how active they are too. My son (14) just finished his freshman year of cross country. Two weeks ago he collapsed at school. When they tried to draw blood they said he was so dehydrated that his veins were too small. The doctor thinks he collapsed due to major dehydration and being calorie deficient

 

[tim_h]

@eae45 I have two daughters and I remember when my two were “tweens” the pediatrician telling me not to be alarmed if their eating slows a lot. He said their rate of growth is slowing so often their appetite will slow also.

 

[emmer123]

@eae45 My 14yo does that. It bugs me, mostly because I work hard to cook good meals. Almost daily we ask her to eat more. Same thing!! My daughter is not anorexic or even dieting, and she’s not stick thin, she’s a healthy weight. She just started eating light around last year. About after menstruation started. Maybe it’s OK to eat less around this age. My daughter says a lot of her friends refuse to eat lunch at school but she tells me she thinks they’re nuts and she says she eats lunch every day. I’ve heard boys call my daughter fat behind her back (she’s 5’3 110 lbs) which is super obnoxious. Even without a phone they’re not immune to influences. So many girls are SO thin that it’s almost like if they’re not underweight then by comparison they’re fat. This really disturbs me.

You could ask her if girls her age talk about their weight or what they eat. Just get a sense of whether dieting is even on her mind.