In my feelings re: Michelle Wolf childbirth piece

pablo628

New member
Michelle Wolf is hosting The Daily Show this week, and she did a really good piece about the medicalization of childbirth. Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GzV0SGzTb8

When she started by saying she'd recently had a home birth, I worried it was about to be a lecture about how I am somehow deficient for having a hospital birth. It wasn't that. Of course it wasn't. Michelle wouldn't do so many of us dirty like that.

As she listed all of the things that happen in hospitals in the name of getting the babies out in the most "efficient" ways, it started to become a mental checklist for me.... Yes, that did happen in my birth; yes, it did lead to that; yes, it did take forever; yes, it did end in a c-section. And this didn't come up in the piece, but yes, I did have complications after.

As I watched and checked these things off in my head, I started to feel so much sadness. I had hoped for a more natural experience, took Lamaze and everything, but I still fell into the same traps as (it seems) 80% of other women. It made me feel sad for me, sad for all of us. Sad for the state of the American health care system.

I gave birth two years ago now. I thought I was over it. My son's birth was a terrible experience, but I thought I had left it behind. "It's okay," I told myself, "It's over now, and I like him so much!" I thought I was breezy enough, and frankly forgetful enough. But it's still there. It's there in the same way my father's death (8 years ago now) is there - whenever I take too many moments to think about it, it is as painful as if it were yesterday. When I think about my childbirth experience, I feel grief. That sucks.

Sorry for the downer post - like the title says, I'm in my feelings today, and I don't really have anyone to talk to* about it.

*I did try to talk to my husband, but he just doesn't get it. Words he said to me: "Yeah, but wasn't your birth kind of textbook? Like don't most women have the same things happen?" I had to walk away, lest I actually punch him in the stomach. I sent him the link and resolved not to bring it up again, because I think he is incapable of saying the right thing.

Edit: Girls, I'm obviously not advocating for home birth, and neither, I think, is Michelle. Of course hospitals are necessary and I personally think that's where births should usually happen, to be prepared for adverse events. But I think it's pretty obvious that something has gone wildly, wildly wrong with how birth is treated in our medical system. Stop getting upset. No one is coming at you for how your birth happened.
 
@pablo628 She conveniently leaves out that in the US “midwife” is not a protected term and can be used by any yahoo who wants to stick their hand up your vagina while you’re in labor.

I totally agree that there are huge problems with the hospital system and the US medical system in general, but this was an extremely slanted and biased segment and frankly I expect better from Michelle Wolf and the Daily Show.

Mama Doctor Jones has some really good, more nuanced videos talking about areas in which the American healthcare system absolutely lets women down and also talks about why they do some of the things they do and she wouldn’t change it. She also currently works in New Zealand so she compares and contrasts their system with the US’s.
 
@robertnethromik The midwife thing blew my mind living in the UK. I told my USA sister in law that I wanted to give birth in the midwife led unit, she looked at me like I was a nutter! In the UK, midwives basically do everything at birth until the doctor pops in if there’s a problem
 
@justaperson1111 I’ve always wondered, does working with a midwife in a hospital setting mean default no epidural? Because I was one of those women who had NO INTEREST in medication-free birth. I had to wait like 4 hours for my epidural and it was 3.90 hours too long
 
@robertnethromik Saaaaaame. It's been almost exactly one year since my son was born (he turns 1 tomorrow) and the epidural was on my wishlist from the second I walked into the maternity ward. I had no interest in a natural birth; I'm not a hero and researchers worked very hard to make these drugs. It'd be rude to decline. 😆

Seriously, if you want to go natural, more power to you. I'm weak and like medicine.
 
@leedoldol I had my baby during the beginning of the pandemic and so many people were switching to home births out of fear of being exposed to COVID in the hospital and I was like “yeah I’d rather risk COVID than have an unmedicated birth no thanks”
 
@leedoldol Everything about my birthing experience was synthetic. I was induced, had meds, and an epidural. I even needed a bit of oxygen at one point. I exclusively formula fed as well. They didn't even call the consultant to my room. I'd do it all again if given the chance. We stayed one night post partum, and everything was great.

I'm all for doing what's best for mom and baby, and I am definitely in awe of those who choose a total or more natural path. My experience was full of medical intervention and technologies that made it a better fit for me.

I feel the same way about my "overly medical" birth as I do with being one and done: I know myself well enough to know what I need and what I can handle.

And in concurrence, why let all those marvels of medicine go to waste? 🤣
 
@benedict87 Good to know yourself! I have one child and had to be induced at early term (38 weeks) and got my epidural like 4 hours into the induction, right after I started feeling the contractions for real. I was like ok I'm done, hook me up!! And I loved the ability to push myself doses every 15 mins from the button. 👍 It worked so great, I didn't have Any pain from that point until like, ever? Even with stitches down there. I had bleeding and aching and all the usual symptoms after discharge for a couple weeks but really, that was the least of everything. The blood pressure cuff was literally way more painful that anything else that happened to me (super tight and frequent readings). I told the anesthesiologist that and she was amused. But I was serious!
 
Side note: attempting to nurse baby was THE worst part of the fourth trimester. THE single worst part. Probably not doing that part again ever. Second baby, maybe. Nursing, most likely, not a chance.
 
@ntem I praise my doctor all the time because I told her that I was terrified to get an epidural and it wear off. She looked at me and said "Oh, we can make sure it doesn't wear off." They hooked me up with a drip instead of a button. Best, most expensive nap of my life haha!
 
@robertnethromik I delivered in a hospital but under midwife care and I got an epidural pretty much the second the anesthesiologist was available. Still a delay because it was like 3am when I asked but that was the only reason it was delayed. So sorry you had to wait so long!
 
@dacalledone I also had an anesthesiologist delay, apparently there were like back to back emergency c sections which of course are more important but I was NOOOOOOOOT interested in experiencing labor for that long. I ended up starting to push only 30 min after I got the epidural so I didn’t even get that nice break you’re supposed to get!
 
@robertnethromik Oh yeah makes sense, but still sucks! And haha yeah I actually went from stalled to pushing about 10-15 minutes post epidural, likely from the slight relief it did give. Midwife nearly didn't make it back in time.
 
@robertnethromik Not in my case in a hospital in the US at least. The midwives pushed interventions and meds in the hospital and didn't follow evidence-based care or listen during my whole pregnancy. Basically they were the exact opposite of how they were presented. My two biggest regrets during pregnancy were using midwives and going to a university hospital.
 
@robertnethromik In my country, there are midwife-led labor wards in hospitals and midwife-led birthing centers. There is no such thing as a non-midwife labor ward, as the law states that a midwife must be present for all non-emergency births (including c sections). But if you give birth in a hospital you have access to their doctors too, including the anesthesiologist. If you go for a birthing center then you don’t. The latter option is usually chosen by women who want a “natural” home-birthy experience, but the vast majority of babies are delivered in the hospital.

Anecdotally, I requested an epidural the second I set foot in the labor ward. The anesthesiologist was there within 20 minutes.
 
@robertnethromik Im in Canada, but I opted for midwives over OBs, and still gave birth in the hospital and had an epidural. It was wonderful. The midwives here are regulated, trained medical professionals, but I found their care to be more holistic (i.e. caring for the whole person) and less clinical while still being evidence based.
 
@robertnethromik Ughh that sucks to wait that long. I had a hospital birth and the midwives were heavily involved until it was time to push. However, they also were part of the ob/gyn group I went to. Didn’t even see them at all or meet them until they decided to induce me. I was able to get an epidural no problem. Those midwives were pro mom big time.

I think once you have to be admitted to the hospital, even under the care of a midwife- there’s technically a Dr overseeing everything.
 
@robertnethromik No, not at all. I'm in another country where midwives do everything for birth but it's in a hospital and there are plenty of doctors too. I had an epidural. And a doctor was also at the birth.
 
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