"I was going to be a dad" - reflections on a miscarriage

[littleh17]

@ignissus It's a terrible experience to go through. It sucks. It hurts. It's hard. And it's an incredible challenge to go through with your partner.

But the pain will subside some and the tears will be less frequent. The feelings of loss for the pregnancy and the future you expected will still be with you, even if it's less painful.

We had a loss earlier this year at about six weeks. A couple weeks later we learned that it had been ectopic. It's been a hard journey, but it's been easier knowing that others in my life have been through it and are incredibly supportive.

You'll get through this. Stay courageous, love and support one another, and give yourself the space you need to grieve.

 

[sj74]

@ignissus My wife and I did a ritual (guided by Jewish traditions) in order to find closure after our miscarriage and it helped immensely. I believe it was part of the miracle whereby we are now pregnant after thinking it would not be possible. I also believe it helped to bring our tragically non-viable offspring to peace. Regardless of whatever spiritual practice you may have, doing some kind of ritual to honor the immense emotional and physical attachment and loss that has taken place may be helpful to process and move forward in life together. Thanks for sharing your story and wishing you and your wife a full and speedy healing

 

[flyinq]

@ignissus You are not alone. I was once told “a miscarriage is often the first step to a successful pregnancy” and I honestly believe that, if that is what you and K want. For some helpful resources, when you are ready, r/miscarriage was extremely helpful for us. Later we went to r/TTCafterloss and now r/pregnancy after loss. FWIW, we are 37f and 45m. We have had two miscarriages at 8 weeks, our last of natural triplets. Give yourself space and grace to heal. Be there for one another. One foot in front of the other with many deep breaths. Sending strength and hope

 

[typo]

@ignissus I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for your vulnerability and openness. I think we as a society, especially as fathers, don’t talk about this enough. My partner and I struggled quietly with unexplained infertility for 6 years before deciding “screw it” it’s way more common then is talked about. Infertility is not pregnancy loss, and I can’t begin to imagine the pain you and K have and are going through. My thought are with you now and I’m the future.