I need help (is this normal)

M

millionaire04

New member
I’m a 20 year old female.
Thing I’m not allowed to do:

-if I wanna see my friends, I have to show my mom the texts, then she wants me to take a picture of my friends to prove I’m with them.

-Drive to my boyfriends house (I bought my own car)

-own any sex toys. She found mine. Told my entire family and confiscated them. (They were hidden but she went though my dresser when I was at work)

-drive anywhere without her permission. I can’t say hey mom I’m going to X. When I ask it’s usually a no. Or that she wants to go too.

-Drive on the highway, I don’t really drive past 5-10 mins from my house

-Have social media (she doesn’t know I have it)

-I don’t really have a curfew because I’m just not allowed out usually.

-Have a boyfriend. She’s just recently now accepting it but she says mean things about him to his face. My bf has pretty light features. My mom tells him his eyes are too blue and he’s gonna sunburn

-See my cousins

-I have to show her my work schedule

-I’m not allowed to close my bedroom door unless I’m changing
I tried to move out but she is scary when I bring up leaving
 
@millionaire04 NOT NORMAL You are old enough to do all those things independently, especially moving out. Put together a budget so you know what you can afford. Find a place and sign a rental agreement. You might not want to sign a lease with your first place. Be sure to read all about what your responsibilities are, in general, if you're on a lease before you sign one. When plans are in place and you're ready to move out, let her know and go. She can get as scary as she wants but she can't control you. I'm so sorry this is the position you're in and I hope you have good support from a solid friend or two. Good luck.
 
@millionaire04 Unfortunately if she is providing for you, she makes the rules.

However, this is incredibly strict and abnormal. She needs to give you the freedom to be an adult (which you are now).
 
@millionaire04 This is very far from normal. When she isn't home (or while she's sleeping) collect all important documents. Make sure you have any form of id you have, get your birth certificate and health card, keep these on you at all times. Pack a go bag, clothes for a few days, toiletries you will require, any thing of value you have and want to take with you. Keep this in your car hidden if possible. Start looking for places to rent. Make yourself a new bank account if she has access to the old one and start putting money in there, if you need to take a friend with you so that way you can play the charade of just going out with friends. GET OUT ASAP. Do not stay, if she starts freaking out stay at your friends place. Do not let her know where you are moving to. If you don't go NC after this give her an information diet. Tell her as little as possible.
 
@millionaire04 This is definitely not normal. You are allowed to live your life and have and do the things you want as long as they're not harming others.

A lot of what you shared is super controlling behavior from your mom, but the thing about going through your stuff, confiscating a sex toy, and then telling your whole family, feels like emotional/psychological abuse. She can't control your body and access to pleasure. That's abusive, controlling, and also very very VERY weird.
 
@millionaire04 This is boardering on abuse. You are a grown up woman who should be allowed to control your own life. Think to yourself if you replaced mother with boyfriend in this description how would it be viewed then.
 
@millionaire04 For your own safety I would do 2 things.
1. Set yourself up with a place to live- whether that means stashing away money until you have enough saved for a deposit on an apartment, or moving in with a roommate/friend.
2. Do not tell her you are doing this. Continue to follow her rules until you are in the position to leave. When you have finalized your safe place, take your essentials and leave. Leave a note or send a text message.
 
@millionaire04 Very odd behavior from her! This is certainly concerning! You are old enough to make your own decisions. I would start thinking about getting out of there and living your own life. Or at least let her know if things don’t start changing you will be leaving
 
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