I just want someone to do something special for me sometimes…
- Thread starter fadzi
- Start date
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- single parents
withamightyhand
New member
katrina2017
New member
anotheruser
New member
katrina2017
New member
@fadzi Have you communicated that you don't feel appreciated?
If so, time to drop the bf and STOP vacationing with your ex.
It is NOT your job to make the men in your child's life look like good fathers. You are not meant to mother them.
I tried to help my ex be the best dad he could be. To me, that was part of being a good mom. Then I realized that I was burning myself out. I worked 50 hours a week, cleaned cooked, grocery shopped, made all the appointments, attended all the school meetings, attended all the therapies, planned and paid for all the family outings, burned up all my pto, planned and paid for outings for him and our kiddo, stayed up all night with sick kiddo so he could get enough sleep, kept kiddo on his weeks at his request, bought little dudes favorite food to send to dads because dad couldnt remember/didnt care what they were... for what? So he could look like super dad after being too tired from working an average of 25 hours a week and bowling two nights a week. At one point I even bought myself a mothers day card to give to my ex so he could help our kid give it back to me. I didn't want little dude to feel bad about getting daddy a card for father's day and not getting mom a mother's day card. (I wouldve been fine with homemade or just a hug but he wanted to go buy a card and daddy wouldn't take him).
Then it hit home. My little dude told me "I like daddy more then you." Bear in mind, I want my son to have a good relationship with his dad for his sake. But trying to be two decent parents instead of spending time being one really good parent was taking a massive toll on our relationship.
DONE.
I stopped coordinating outings, making playdates for them, grocery shopping for him, setting his appointments ect. I still did (and do) everything my son needs and I still send a duffle of clean clothes and occasionally food my son likes if his dad "hasn't had a chance to go shopping".
Now, I take a small portion of the energy I poured into my ex, and pour a little back into me and the rest into my kid. Our relationship is better because I'm not as tired anymore and I'm no longer frustrated by my ex's lack of contribution.
If so, time to drop the bf and STOP vacationing with your ex.
It is NOT your job to make the men in your child's life look like good fathers. You are not meant to mother them.
I tried to help my ex be the best dad he could be. To me, that was part of being a good mom. Then I realized that I was burning myself out. I worked 50 hours a week, cleaned cooked, grocery shopped, made all the appointments, attended all the school meetings, attended all the therapies, planned and paid for all the family outings, burned up all my pto, planned and paid for outings for him and our kiddo, stayed up all night with sick kiddo so he could get enough sleep, kept kiddo on his weeks at his request, bought little dudes favorite food to send to dads because dad couldnt remember/didnt care what they were... for what? So he could look like super dad after being too tired from working an average of 25 hours a week and bowling two nights a week. At one point I even bought myself a mothers day card to give to my ex so he could help our kid give it back to me. I didn't want little dude to feel bad about getting daddy a card for father's day and not getting mom a mother's day card. (I wouldve been fine with homemade or just a hug but he wanted to go buy a card and daddy wouldn't take him).
Then it hit home. My little dude told me "I like daddy more then you." Bear in mind, I want my son to have a good relationship with his dad for his sake. But trying to be two decent parents instead of spending time being one really good parent was taking a massive toll on our relationship.
DONE.
I stopped coordinating outings, making playdates for them, grocery shopping for him, setting his appointments ect. I still did (and do) everything my son needs and I still send a duffle of clean clothes and occasionally food my son likes if his dad "hasn't had a chance to go shopping".
Now, I take a small portion of the energy I poured into my ex, and pour a little back into me and the rest into my kid. Our relationship is better because I'm not as tired anymore and I'm no longer frustrated by my ex's lack of contribution.
ryanghee0223
New member
@fadzi One of my mom friends and I were complaining about this problem, but as it relates to Christmas stockings—she was sad she had to fill her own damn stocking and then pretend to be surprised. So she and a few friends decided to do each others stockings to make it more fun. For my birthday, I gave a friend some cash a few hints and asked them to take my kids shopping for my gift. I’ve also put five things in an Amazon cart, and tell the kids to pick one, delete the others and press order. I pay extra to have the gift wrapped. So I get something I want, but it’s a bit of a surprise. If you get creative, you can teach your kids what you want or would like that you aren’t currently getting. Brainstorm a week before with them a list of possible nice things they could do, acts of service for mom, and then remind them the days before and day of to do their chosen surprise. Yeah, you still have to take the lead, but the more you do that, the sooner they will learn how to do that for you without being coached as much. And maybe…some of those kids will grow up to be better spouses, and family members and friends because of it. I’m sick of moms and caregivers being made to feel invisible and forgotten!! We deserve to be remembered and loved and made to feel special. And having a husband or bf is no guarantee that will happen either, so I say, we have to advocate for ourselves and turn some of our amazing planning skills and resourceful thoughtfulness toward ourselves. We deserve it! Teach those kids to show care and appreciation for their momma! Use family and friends to help you do it.
, ONCE AGAIN GOOD GUY ALWAYS FINISH LAST NOMATTER HOW old YOU GET!!!!
