I had to listen to my SiLs baby CIO over the holidays
- Thread starter kristyrh
- Start date
katrina2017
New member
@kristyrh My biggest concern is when daycare parents panic about daycare being closed for more than a day, see them complaining about a weekend with their child, etc. If you can't tolerate at LEAST 48 hours with your kid without a third fourth or fifth pair of hands then why did you have them? The grind set isn't that important.
paigerific87
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@katrina2017 Omg this is my fav! It especially grinds my gears when it comes from people who act like I do nothing all day because I’m a SAHM.
cubcadetlover
New member
@kristyrh This post made me absolutely sick to my stomach. I feel terrible for that child, not because his parents are trying the CIO method, but because they are completely doing it incorrectly and potentially harming their child. I will never understand why ppl have children and then proceed to do nothing to help them cope or comfort them. What is the point? This is not ok and honestly OP, I can’t believe you say back and did nothing. This is a hill I would have stood on for hours and hours….just like that poor baby had to. And this is while around family! I can’t even imagine what it’s like for him when it’s just him defenseless against his parents poor parenting. Jesus, this poor child. I can’t even read these comments because I literally feel like crying and throwing up after reading this post. As someone with a 20 month old, who just started sleep training, I have never let her cry for more than 30 seconds before going in for a cuddle. This is disturbing.
laurie4321
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andreea777
New member
@kristyrh Completely not for it, but after reading a lot on sleep train, those people that do CIO are kinda methodic? They have a whole day routine. They wake up the baby if they still are sleeping in the the morning, then the first nap is at a specific time. Not 10 min before, not 10 min late.
(ETA : They stress a LOT ahout wake windows. Like it's science and the only way to go. For example 3/3/4 means 2 naps a day, first awake time of 3 hours, second wake window 3 hours and the last awake period of the day is 4 hours long)
Then they wake their baby after a specific amount of time. Then bedtime is followed by a clear and same routine every night, like bath, bottle 30 min before bedtime, bedtime story, cuddles then they do CIO.
This is so not it. I was already so sad about doing CIO the "proper way", this is just idiotic.
I'm so sorry you witnessed this. That poor baby
Meanwhile I am in bed scrolling reddit with my 16 MO daughter. I grew to love sleeping with her since I stopped being afraid to crush her during the night. She probably would not need it anymore lol
ETA OMG 20 MO. My daughter nap from 1230 to 2 and her bedtime is around 730. How the F would they think their child would sleep at 730?!
(ETA : They stress a LOT ahout wake windows. Like it's science and the only way to go. For example 3/3/4 means 2 naps a day, first awake time of 3 hours, second wake window 3 hours and the last awake period of the day is 4 hours long)
Then they wake their baby after a specific amount of time. Then bedtime is followed by a clear and same routine every night, like bath, bottle 30 min before bedtime, bedtime story, cuddles then they do CIO.
This is so not it. I was already so sad about doing CIO the "proper way", this is just idiotic.
I'm so sorry you witnessed this. That poor baby
Meanwhile I am in bed scrolling reddit with my 16 MO daughter. I grew to love sleeping with her since I stopped being afraid to crush her during the night. She probably would not need it anymore lol
ETA OMG 20 MO. My daughter nap from 1230 to 2 and her bedtime is around 730. How the F would they think their child would sleep at 730?!
@andreea777 The wake window stuff is the only thing I use from "sleep training" because it makes it easier to know when the babies should nap for/how long so they aren't over tired/not tired enough.
However, sleeping straight 12 hours a night I feel like is serious bull. My daughter sleeps MAX 10. Then naps anywhere from 1.5-3 hours. I wake her at 3pm no matter what and she is usually ready for bedtime routine at 8:30, in bed by 9.
She has lower sleep needs, however, and that we've had to learn through tons of trial and error. We also somewhat let her set her own schedule, if that makes sense?
If she wakes at a certain time we adjust nap time and bedtime some if needed. She also has learned because of this that if we are out and about, on the rare occasion it runs into her nap time she knows one of us will just pick her up and carry her so she can nap or she'll nap in the stroller.
Anyway, I know sleep is hard for small kids and parents, and I offered my input to my SiL regarding his wake windows. I told her 3 hours does not seem like nearly enough time awake, especially with a 4 hour nap, and her excuse was, "well daycare never wakes him if he sleeps that long, but they always cap it at 3 hours." And I said, "I think that's what's recommended for his age range. Plus since he's at daycare, he's running around and constantly stimulated. He's on vacation right now, so he needs more time to get his energy out.
Anyway my words were ignored, which is fine I know unsolicited parenting advice is annoying for anyone so I didn't push too hard, but it was still very upsetting.
Edit: I should add that we co sleep so while we follow wake windows loosely, we adjust as needed and go with her cues and flow. Some days she's more tired, and some days not so much.
However, sleeping straight 12 hours a night I feel like is serious bull. My daughter sleeps MAX 10. Then naps anywhere from 1.5-3 hours. I wake her at 3pm no matter what and she is usually ready for bedtime routine at 8:30, in bed by 9.
She has lower sleep needs, however, and that we've had to learn through tons of trial and error. We also somewhat let her set her own schedule, if that makes sense?
If she wakes at a certain time we adjust nap time and bedtime some if needed. She also has learned because of this that if we are out and about, on the rare occasion it runs into her nap time she knows one of us will just pick her up and carry her so she can nap or she'll nap in the stroller.
Anyway, I know sleep is hard for small kids and parents, and I offered my input to my SiL regarding his wake windows. I told her 3 hours does not seem like nearly enough time awake, especially with a 4 hour nap, and her excuse was, "well daycare never wakes him if he sleeps that long, but they always cap it at 3 hours." And I said, "I think that's what's recommended for his age range. Plus since he's at daycare, he's running around and constantly stimulated. He's on vacation right now, so he needs more time to get his energy out.
Anyway my words were ignored, which is fine I know unsolicited parenting advice is annoying for anyone so I didn't push too hard, but it was still very upsetting.
Edit: I should add that we co sleep so while we follow wake windows loosely, we adjust as needed and go with her cues and flow. Some days she's more tired, and some days not so much.
albinoguitman
New member
@andreea777 Yea seriously! My son (25 MO) needs SEVEN hours from his nap before he will sleep for the night.
albinoguitman
New member
@kristyrh Girl I would have had to leave. I am so SO sorry you had to listen to that poor child scream. I had to listen to my niece from husband's side cry for what felt like hours (maybe it was one hour) once before we had my son because her parents also did CIO, and we ended up leaving. She was two but it was painful to hear.
My stupid sister did similar stuff with her daughter while living with my mom, and it TORTURED my mom to the point of my mom having chronic illness afterwards and needing psychiatric meds. It is truly traumatic for all involved and I just don't get how people do this.
My stupid sister did similar stuff with her daughter while living with my mom, and it TORTURED my mom to the point of my mom having chronic illness afterwards and needing psychiatric meds. It is truly traumatic for all involved and I just don't get how people do this.
@gogogo I should mention that I have my own 17 month old I was chasing around. She went to bed a lot later.
We all had comments to make and all made suggestions. I wanted to go grab that baby but didn't want to cause a whole family issue. These are my in laws. If it was my family idc I'd be more stern and go in and comfort them.
We all had comments to make and all made suggestions. I wanted to go grab that baby but didn't want to cause a whole family issue. These are my in laws. If it was my family idc I'd be more stern and go in and comfort them.
judyperalta
New member
@kristyrh Ah man that is horrible!!
We tried the Ferber method, it lasted 2 minutes because of that desperation cry. My husband couldn't take it, he came into the room I was and said we need to stop. I was looking at her on the monitor trying to be brave but broke into tears as soon as he said we need to stop.
I don't know how parents can do that. How you can endure that crying.
That said, that boy's schedule is way off. A 4hr nap? For a toddler is very unusual.
We tried the Ferber method, it lasted 2 minutes because of that desperation cry. My husband couldn't take it, he came into the room I was and said we need to stop. I was looking at her on the monitor trying to be brave but broke into tears as soon as he said we need to stop.
I don't know how parents can do that. How you can endure that crying.
That said, that boy's schedule is way off. A 4hr nap? For a toddler is very unusual.
mightyzakat
New member
@kristyrh I did Ferber with my first kid once at 14mo. He cried for 45 mins but then became a great sleeper after 2 days. When he regressed we never did it again because it was so traumatic for everyone. My second and third never had any sort of “sleep training”. They sleep eventually. Never again.
glorygirl16
New member
@kristyrh This breaks my heart. I have my babies wake windows spot on she fights sometimes but she sleeps 2 hours a day and I know her sleepy cues and put her to bed by a reasonable wake window. We aren’t perfect she still needs to learn to sleep on her own but wow that makes me sad the baby is not really being “taken care of” in that aspect. It makes me feel like a better mom when I don’t feel like I’m doing well enough.