I had to listen to my SiLs baby CIO over the holidays

[ineedjesus1]

@peruss EXACTLY. Like, you thought you’d bring a new human into the world and nothing would change? How self centred does one have to be.

We didn’t change our entire lives for our daughter, of course, but we knew sleep patterns would be disrupted etc.

Some people are so selfish I cannot handle it.

 

[samkruger]

@ineedjesus1 The term I’ve heard used is “Me-First Parenting”

 

[paigerific87]

@samkruger What’s funny to me is that although I complain about being tired I don’t complain about a whole host of other things I see/ hear people complaining about because they’re issues we don’t seem to have with our child. So it seems that nobody’s child is perfect… who would have thunk it?!

 

[albinoguitman]

@samkruger LOL. I find everyone on here to be so kind, compassionate and supportive. I don't see this level of kindness on ANY other parenting subs. The only other subs with this level of compassion are the neurodivergent women subs.

 

[katrina2017]

@samkruger Man, I don’t think I’m very sleep-deprived. A little, but not a lot. My daughter’s 16 months and we co-sleep, now she’s in her sidecar’d toddler bed next to our bed. Since we started cosleeping we all get through the night compared to when we expected her to sleep in the crib.

 

[superflyninjaguy]

@katrina2017 I got banned from r/sciencebasedparenting because I “shamed” CIO by saying “I can’t imagine hearing my daughter cry and choosing to ignore her.”

 

[ajungianideal]

@superflyninjaguy I was banned from the freaking New York Times comment section because I commented against CIO on a pro-sleep training article. I triple checked the rules before I posted, was suuuper-respectful, didn't shame or judge anyone, and left info about James McKenna's work. I contacted customer service to ask why I was banned when my comment didn't break any rules and was told "these decisions are sometimes subjective." I'm guessing a pro-CIO parent was involved in that decision.

It is so crazy that not only is CIO normalized, but speaking against it is censored. I feel like I'm living in an upside down world. It's a relief to find a place where we can talk about it.

 

[superflyninjaguy]

@ajungianideal INSANE!!! And the way people manipulate/generously interpret the research to be neutral to CIO. Get the f out of here. No.

 

[leonard_eccentric]

@katrina2017 Ugh that sub stresses me out. I kept seeing this one dude commenting throughout a forum, and he would say things along the lines of “the child needs to learn no one is coming for him. He’ll get it eventually”

Fantastic parenting. /s

 

[katrina2017]

That kind of practice sounds a lot like the neglect I read about in my students' IEPs that have been reported by CPS. Leaving your baby to cry so much they vomit is abusive and dangerous. Can you imagine if their spouse shut them in a room and refused to let them out or engage with them? They wouldn't be talking about how they learned to self soothe. They'd be calling a lawyer.

 

[c4ccheyenne]

@katrina2017 I also can’t understand this because what if the baby aspirates their vomit? That would be so easy to do if they’ve been crying and are inhaling sharply.

 

[rainbu]

@katrina2017 This is why I could never do CIO. I had foster kids who came into care due to neglect and/or addiction, and read a lot about trauma. Neglected infants often stop crying all together because no one responds.

My foster kids ranged in ages from 7-11, and every single one had problems with sleep. Our first tried to cosleep with us (not allowed, so I'd sit in her room until she fell asleep or we'd sleep in the living room on couches). The second would actually get violent if we were nearby at bedtime, but needed full light and loud noise in his room to drown out everything else. The third actually had a solid attachment with her mom, and coslept as she transitioned home to cope with the time apart.

Basically, I'd rather cosleep and comfort my toddler now than create lasting issues. Obviously CIO isn't the same as full neglect, but for me it's too close for comfort.

 

[katrina2017]

They don't learn to self soothe. They jus shut down. The brain becomes so stressed so in order to adapt and survive it shuts down. Our brains are designed for survival. They are also learn learnt helplessness because they know no one is coming for them.

 

[ijaz123]

@katrina2017 Same, my husbands cousin described her baby like this. She cries so much to sleep she vomits, and it scarred me. This is so cruel to me

 

[briank7]

@deavallsbabe In defence of that sub, it isn't all about sleep training. I haven't sleep trained my girl but I've learned a lot about schedules, routines, sleepy cues, wake windows etc. As a FTM, I was clueless without it

 

[heegar]

@deavallsbabe I learned how to help my daughter achieve independent sleep without crying because of that sub. Just because some people there are pro-CIO doesn’t mean that’s the entire sub.

 

[deavallsbabe]

@heegar there are more than enough inhumane, psychotic posts on that sub that gain traction for it to taint the entire sub. there are a million other places to learn good sleep hygiene.

 

[talita]

@katrina2017 I hate that sub.

 

[mattiehay]

@kristyrh Dude I'm literally holding my baby son right now, this hit hard. My husband told me he was literally left like that as baby too, his only luck was that his grandma was his nanny during the day and often at least kept him close. He and I literally talked about how we'd never let our son be alone when he needs us, only when he himself tells us that he wants to sleep alone! Can't frikken understand CIO.

 

[brandonlparks]

@kristyrh My husband and I both work 40 hours a week - and it isn’t that hard to figure out baby cues, or just bring smart enough to think 4 hour nap means later bedtime!

And I have no idea how anyone can listen to their child crying for any amount of time.

Edit: we give our 2.5 year old a cuddle even when both she and we know she’s just crying because she doesn’t want to go to bed, or is bored, or whatever. Pop in, give a hug and a kiss, explain that we need to sleep in our own bed so we’re well rested, and leave (which she accepts well). I can’t imagine what goes through peoples minds.