I Feel Completely Lost, I (M28) and (F 25)

G

glendadoglover

New member
I Really feel lost

My relationship started like every other relationship happy and whatever... I guess at the time we were crazy about each other and then.

We agreed to start a family together, actually we couldn't wait to. I lost my job just weeks after my GF got pregnant and it took a toll on me and my job provided me with visa status to be in the country.
I was under immersed pressure, I am late on my bills, my boss is refusing to pay , my GF is pregnant, we have a baby on the way all of this had it way of showing on my face.

Around the same time my GF and I started having fights . I thought we actually made up from the last one.
Less than matter of weeks my GF lost every sense of respect towards me. The name calling started easy and before long there is nothing I could do that was right. I thought since we lived hours away some time off would help.

No ..it only went downhill from there. I have been called all name . I can't remember how we got here. And she keeps saying it has nothing to do with money or you providing....

I am not seating idle I am applying to a number of jobs daily but I am not getting anything yet. I am naturally strong I have high tolerance but this time I feel my heart would explode anytime.

Few days back I texted saying I was going back to my home country because I couldn't do any this anymore. I was feeling so overwhelmed that day. And honestly I just wanted to give up.

I got called every name in the book got blocked on all platforms before now she's removed everything that has anything to do with us from her socials.

I get the relationship is over... I feel terrible because there is a child on the way who is going to grow up without a father. I feel like I failed. I never wanted my child to grow with me . I really wanted to be the dad I never had, but I don't know what else I can do.

Somehow I feel I was wrong, like the fight were my fault. What was I supposed to do differently.
Was I wrong for sending the text message.
I am wrong for feeling overwhelmed and getting moody and letting the struggles show on me.

Am I the problem?
 
@glendadoglover My advice to you will be to not give up. Sometimes life brings us unexpected changes and we just have to continue and tag along. At first it might look hard and be painful.
Make sure your resume looks good and make sure you look presentable for interviews and most importantly be Confident. jobs love when they see someone well dressed and confident and the way you carry yourself. I hope your relationship gets better. But First focus on your job opportunities. Don’t give up on that. Once you get your job start paying your bills slowly you will start saving up and if things don’t get back to normal with your girlfriend it’s okay. Your child needs you more than anything. Just stay positive. Don’t ever think you have no place here because now you have a child on the way and that is your whole purpose in life.
 
@glendadoglover Thing is have you two tried getting a solution or did she tell you what to work on? She said its not because the money situation but why then. You have to think about yourself first, put yourself in front. It sucks for the kid but having seperate parents if you are still gonna be involved or her as a single mom is better then 2 parents in a toxic relationship
 
@glendadoglover You are not the problem. Financial problems wreak havoc in relationships and unfortunately, your girlfriend seems to attach you to being a man with how you provide and then lose all respect for you. She is stuck in the now whereas the situation will change, this is temporary. At this point, it seems she doesn't want anything to do with the relationship. Take this time to dust yourself up and do the best you can to get back on your two feet. That's what's important now, so you can be the father you want to be in your child's life, to provide and have a stable place for your relationship with the child to thrive.
As you work on yourself, know you may also get distant from your girlfriend, that's ok because she has chosen to delete and block you. You deserve a person who can stay the course with you. Good luck with everything, just know, that everything will work itself out and all will be well in the end. You and Your child are the most important people to you right now, focus accordingly.
 
@habakk I really didn't expect this much support and encouragement I posted this because I had no one to talk to and I felt like I was going to break down at any point. Thank you so much I really appreciate the kind words. I am better now, work on getting a job and trying to be a better me than I was . Thank you so much
 
@glendadoglover Don’t give up, but it seems to me that neither one of you considered the potential consequences. As a non-resident in the US in a visa making a baby was the last thing you should have done. In love or not, the possibility of being forced out of the country should have been too big of a gamble to even consider it. If anything, permanent citizenship, even marriage for a greencard, should have happened before even thinking about kids. Now you’re in an even more delicate position of potentially being illegal making quality employment and housing extremely difficult to find. Good luck
 
@persevering Thank you so much. I actually had a stable job at the time until my boss messed up and the company lost its license to sponsor due to his greed and all that. I am applying to jobs putting out my resume and working on myself. Thank you
 
@glendadoglover The relationship with her may be over but you need to stick around for the baby. I don’t mean stick around with her, but you need to be in the baby’s life. You say the child will grow up without a father as if you’re already sure about that but you should keep working hard at finding another job to be able to provide for your child when they arrive.

You two planned on starting a family, it’s something you wanted, so you need to stay for that reason. Couples split up all the time & the child shouldn’t have to suffer because of it. All you can do is give that baby a loving household when they are with you. And unless you’re abusive or a danger in some way, your ex won’t be able to keep the baby from you if you fight hard enough.

Having to look for a new job SUCKS but we all have to do it as adults, and now there’s a whole new life depending on you. If she takes you to court to try to gain full custody that will also suck to have to deal with, but you shouldn’t give up on your child. If your dad was present & loving in your life, you should know how much that meant to you. If your dad wasn’t present in your life, you should know how much that meant to you.

Being a single parent is hard, but growing up without both parents in your life is even harder on a child. I understand you’re emotional right now after the split but it’s time to think about the severity of the situation if you leave the child behind. You would be failing them and yourself. You wanted to bring a human into this world and you need to take responsibility for your part in making that happen. It’s going to be tough but it will be so worth it. There will be so many beautiful moments with your child.

If you can, try to see a therapist/counselor/life coach to help get your mental in check for yourself and for your child. I don’t have any specific recommendations right now, but try looking for books to read that help with your head space and also on parenting. Lean on your family, friends and whomever you may have in your life to help you navigate this situation.
 
@maryl I really appreciate you taking your time and saying all these. At the time I posted this I was mentally trained and I just wanted to give up on everything, but you are right I love this child and I am going to do everything to be the dad I never had and get better for myself and for the child. Thank you so much
 
@glendadoglover Completely understandable about being in that head space. Life can be very tough. I’m happy to hear you’re wanting to be a part of your child’s life, and your child will be so happy that you’ll always be there for them. Hoping you can find ways to stay in a positive mindset. Best of luck to you and your family!
 
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