I’m so jealous - Rant

[revdrjkelly]

I’m so jealous of the moms who can go out to date nights or dinners etc and have someone watch their baby. I think cosleeping is amazing but I’m on lockdown with my 14.5 month old. He wakes up every 30 min -2hrs MAX 3. And he’ll only go back to sleep if I nurse him. That being said I can’t leave him with anyone after bedtime which means the latest I can be home is 7/7:30. I’m just so tired of it by now. When I see the other moms I know leaving their much younger children with babysitters or husband or family members to go out with friends/partnets I get so jealous honestly. This type of thing makes me so not want another kid which is something I’ve always wanted. I still dont have my body back to myself , I feel like it doesn’t belong to myself and I surely have no freedom. I’m with him 24/7. I have a lot of help from my mom ( I live w her) but she works full time and I never really get to leave them alone. At least not for more than 2-3 hours.
I’m just so sad that I feel like I have zero freedom and praying for the day my son just sleeps through the night. If ONLY he did that I’d have so much of my sanity back.

 

[john178]

@revdrjkelly I have a few ideas for you as we go out maybe 1-2 times a month and have someone watch my EBF cosleeping 10 month old baby.

1. Can you work on having other people put him to sleep? Even for naps and bedtimes? Just so he gets used to going down for others…Give him lots of boob before they try. My baby will go down for others as long as she’s full enough.
2. Can you move his bedtime to like 8-9 pm? That way you can leave at say 6 and be back at 10 and probably catch the first wake.
3. Have pumped milk in a bottle incase baby wakes before you get home.

Hoping it gets better for you soon and you get some freedom!

 

[wakester]

@revdrjkelly Oh man I can relate. I've been seeing a lot of posts lately where they have baby sitters for date nights or weddings and I can't do any of that. One couple I know brings their baby monitor out to their pool and they read and swim and drink wine, I could never! I just recently started being able to sneak out to pee or hang out with my husband for 30 minutes!

I will say though, my LO is almost 17 months and I think once these teeth pop through he will be a much more independent sleeper, I can just feel there I'm almost there!
I hope the same happens for you soon

 

[moradew]

@revdrjkelly I am in the same boat as you are. Came here to find advice for this and saw your post. When will my toddler grow out of it? He is 15 months now. Other cosleeping breastfeeding moms pls help.

 

[jonmaths]

@revdrjkelly I would suggest very slowly and gently getting them to take crib naps and start the night in their crib. My 13mo sleeps in her crib from her bedtime until mine, when I bring her to bed with me. At first she would always wake after 30 mins, but now sometimes she'll go the whole 2-3 hours without waking (we started this around 9-10 months).

I started putting her down beside me (but touching me) instead of on me, and when she'd wake after 30 mins id nurse and contact nap. After a while I'd put her down close to me, but not touching, and when she woke after 30 mins I'd rock her to sleep and put her back down. Then I would rock to sleep, put her down on the bed, and leave. I'd come back in 20 mins to pat or rock her back to sleep when she woke, then leave again. Then she had a couple of naps where she slept over an hour without my help, so I moved her into her crib for her first nap. For a while the crib naps were always 30 mins, so 2nd nap would be a long contact nap. Then eventually she just started sleeping longer stretches, so we moved to all crib naps, and starting the night in the crib. Now she usually doesn't nurse from bedtime until after 12am, so 5-6 hours.

 

[wqzu]

@revdrjkelly My LO wouldn’t take a bottle from me or my husband so I didn’t go out for a month or so. Then I had to go to work so I started leaving my baby with my mom for a few hours and they worked on getting her used to the bottle without me there. What ended up happening is my baby would only take a bottle from my mom or stepdad, then only at their house, and now from me and my husband at our house! If I sleep with my baby at my mom’s house, she will wake up every three hours to nurse but if my mom watches her overnight, she will sleep 7 hours straight.

My point is, your LO may learn that with grandma, he has to sleep a different way and he will adjust. Kids adjust easier than we give them credit for! But they can’t adjust if they’re never given the opportunity so I would maybe let someone else try but you stay sober/close by in a low stakes environment so if it doesn’t work out, you can come home. Also, pick someone who’s not going to be easily frustrated by it and who’s willing to experiment with it. My mom said that she did cry for about 15-30 minutes for the first few bottles but now takes it with no issue.

 

[shawndude]

@revdrjkelly Mama. I’m in the same boat (just turned 14m). I try to remind myself he’s not going to need me forever, and that eventually this too shall pass. Now is not my turn to be out late etc.
I’ve also tried everything under the sun and know 10000% what you are feeling. A lot of the time I get down and feel hopeless and angry

 

[moradew]

@shawndude I reassure myself that he (15 months) ll grow out of it . But some days I just hate myself, bcos of all the breastfeeding. It feels like some mistake of not deciding to give formula. Even naps are bad without bridging every 45 mins.

 

[shawndude]

@moradew Same boat. I’ve breastfeed since the beginning and he uses it at night to comfort nurse. I’ve been wanting to wean him of that at least but sometimes it’s just easier to whip a boob out

 

[sparagmos]

@revdrjkelly Is he teething? Or going through a growth spurt? Sometimes babies need those extra snuggles at night! But sometimes it's a habit! Try to up his calories from food during the day. It really helps. Not only BLW, but try with purées to get more food into him. Then you might get a good stretch of sleep at least in the first part of the night.

That would make at least the first step towards some flexibility for you in the evening. Babies can learn and adapt to new things and you can teach him with time to sleep at least several hours in his crib & then you can still enjoy the snuggles the rest of the night.

 

[rickardbriggs]

@sparagmos Just to add to what WorkLifeScience said, my baby was going through a stretch where they were waking up every 2 hours at night ( I do combo feeding). Once I added purées to their diet (especially ones with protein), they’ve been sleeping longer stretches.

Also, I totally get the struggle with having someone watch your baby… it’s a little different but my mom is the only one that’s watched my baby cause I’m afraid other people are going to judge on the fact that we Cosleep/mostly contact nap. I also get the knowing people who can just leave their baby with others. I have a friend with baby who’s a little over a month younger than mine. Her and her husband have gone away for a weekend just the 2 of them/ have had date nights. I cant even imagine. I love cosleeping but sometimes I feel like I’ve boxed myself in a little bit. Good luck! I hope it gets better for you soon!

 

[silgo76]

@revdrjkelly Pretty much in the same boat, my wife and I have resorted to taking him on dates or dinners with us. Which she enjoys and I end up leaving the table usually before the appetizers get there. My son is very vocal and will go from chill to throw a heavy toy across the room and scream at the top of his lungs. So since I work 14h days I take him all night while he wakes up every 30min- 2h and do that on repeat every day of 80h weeks. It has gotten better recently but it's still not an easy trip. Try magnesium and zinc supplements, there is a really good one on Amazon that has been slowly working for my 18month old pterodactyl. With the whole having another kid thought, if my first child has second kid energy then the second one is only going to be more challenging. No more kids for me thanks

 

[evergold]

@revdrjkelly I’m cosleeping with my 13 month old now and got all the adult time freedom bcs he sleeps from 22:30 to 9:30 but I’m dead tired and have no energy to go out anywhere lol
But i can’t imagine going to bed at 7 pm either so I just wing it till I pass out together with him

 

[allie_2]

@revdrjkelly My husband and I did brunch dates instead of nighttime dates. It’s what worked for us. I also found once I was ready my husband COULD put the baby down in his crib. I’d nurse, give him the baby, he rocked him and figured out his own routine. I’d keep my outings to 90 min or so and be back by first wake up. No it’s not the same as moms whose babies go to bed and sleep through but it is what you make of it and for me it was enough. It seems like it’ll be forever but it won’t. I used to miss my older two once they preferred sleeping in their beds and now I’m just cherishing the time I get with my youngest cosleeping.

 

[godsgraciousgift]

@revdrjkelly I just want you to know that I feel the EXACT same way as you do with a cosleeping EBF 11 month old. it really can be frustrating sometimes…you’re not alone.
it’s extremely hard, & it’s crappy to always feel like we are comparing ourselves…but I just try to continually tell myself this is just a season & one day we will miss them in our bed this little.

 

[wemissfitz]

@revdrjkelly I tried a few nights of CIO and although we didn’t stick with it I noticed it helped tremendously with my almost 12 MO sleeping in her crib for longer stretches. Prior to CIO she would only sleep max two hours in her crib before waking up and then she’d have a lot of trouble getting zonked out enough to sleep in the crib. After CIO she now sleeps a good 5 hours in her crib and at that point I’ll bed share. I think the main reason why BF babies sometimes don’t sleep through the night is bc of the sleep association with BFing. It’s why I’ll likely be weaning when she turns one. I want my bed back and I want to see if it will help her sleep even longer through the night in her crib.