I’m conflicted about Mother’s Day…

[snyder502]

My niece and nephew were born 3 weeks apart in May. Because their birthdays are so close they always have a joint party. The problem is that this year their parents have chosen Mother’s Day as the day of their party. I’m conflicted because I feel obligated to attend their party and help with the setup like I normally do, but it’s also my first Mother’s Day where I’m an actual mom. I’m frustrated that they chose this date, and I feel guilty because I don’t want to go to their party. This would be the first birthday that I miss, but I really just want to spend time with my husband and my baby. I don’t want to sacrifice my first Mother’s Day and I’m angry that they’ve put me in the position where I need to choose. I’m also angry that if I do skip the party that I now need to explain to a 3 and 4 year old why I didn’t show up.

Would I be a terrible person if I don’t go to their party? How would you all handle this?

 

[ezzeking]

@snyder502 I personally probably would not go. It’s honestly pretty rude for them to do this on Mother’s Day.

 

[russ98]

@ezzeking Who's having a birthday on a sunday?!

 

[christmaslaneusa]

@snyder502 If it were me I would have the Mother’s Day I want and drop in to their party for like an hour either before or after my Mother’s Day. Drop off gifts, give hugs, wish happy birthday and leave. I would actually be surprised if not that many people came because Mother’s Day is the busiest holiday for restaurants.

 

[thedani%C3%ABl]

@christmaslaneusa This is a really reasonable compromise.

 

[christianwomanljc]

@christmaslaneusa That’s what I would too.

 

[prayerwarriorjd]

@snyder502 Do what feels best for you. A three and four-your old will be excited to have a party period and your absence may not be that worrisome to them. FWIW it may be worth sharing with their parents how you feel. Not everybody wants to celebrate Mother’s Day the same way, so they may not realize it’s different than what you’d hoped for.

 

[snyder502]

@prayerwarriorjd My husband already told them and asked if they could change the date, but they said they can’t make any other weekend work.

 

[charismaticlady]

@snyder502 Then that’s totally fine but they need to expect people not to come. I wouldn’t go.

 

[prayerwarriorjd]

@snyder502 Well, then you can’t make that weekend work, either.
You tried.

 

[quicksand]

@snyder502 Too bad. You can’t go

 

[christianwomanljc]

@snyder502 Then you can apologize and not go and make it up to your niece and nephew later. Get them nice gifts and their favorite cake, they will love that they have another Birthday. Kids forgive when they love someone to a certain extent as long as they still trust you.

 

[ngocthanh2015]

@snyder502 Will a 3 and 4 year really remember you were there? You can always go for a little bit if u feel guilty, but please don't miss out on your first mother's day for a kids party.

 

[biblefeast]

@ngocthanh2015 I don’t know how good all kids memories are but my four year old definitely would remember . That still wouldn’t matter though, because we’d just tell her that auntie says happy birthday but she’s celebrating her first Mother’s Day with her family so we’ll see her soon and we’ll get ice cream or something when we all meet up. 10/10 times that would work for my kid without tears involved.

Hopefully the other parents would be understanding of OP’s position and be willing to use whatever trump card they have for their children if they need to. I sure would!

 

[christianwomanljc]

@ngocthanh2015 They do remember.

 

[leonardo164]

@snyder502 No, you would not be a terrible person. I don't know what their parents were thinking, having it on Mother's Day, when it sounds like they should have maybe known better. Mother's Day is special, and you should do whatever is right for you, and maybe you can help out with set up maybe the day before (decorations, help with making something) perhaps, etc.

 

[thejustdesperation]

@snyder502 I have 3 kids...and I personally dont remember my first mothers day. Tbh, I think my MIL and own mother made it all about them (as usual). Don't let other people take that away from you like I did. I wish I remember my first mothers day...

 

[patersonchristian]

@snyder502 Don’t go. They made their choice knowing anyone who has children would be busy.

 

[bobby80gh]

@snyder502 Can your husband take you out to brunch before (or dinner after)? You don’t have to help if you don’t want to and children’s parties usually aren’t longer than 2-3 hours. You could also just stop by with your gifts and say hello to the kids and then go back to your plans. Just ideas.

 

[snyder502]

@bobby80gh They’re good ideas but they live around 45 minutes away from us so it wouldn’t be an insubstantial chunk of time to visit and I worry I’ll get roped in since I’m not good at saying no. Might be a good option though if I can’t think of an alternative.