I’m a new dad as of 2.5 weeks ago and can’t say I’m all that excited. Is something wrong with me??

[endtimewitness]

@kath26 My husband stayed home with our son from months 2-6.

My husband developed his own little routine with our son that I think really helped them form a close bond. They would do things like tummy time together. Husband got tummy time on the floor too! They would visit the library and read baby books, watch Dad's favorite shows (Star Trek) and visited the pet store to watch the fish and see the mice.

 

[adebayo]

@kath26 I’m a mom to a 20 month old, expecting again soon.

For me, love of a child wasn’t an immediate overwhelming ‘rainbows and love’ feeling. I wanted to protect and keep my baby safe but until there was some feedback (eye contact, smiling, cooing, laughing) I didn’t ‘feel’ all that much (other than exhausted).

Love is a verb— love comes from putting your child’s needs above your own which is what you have to do with a newborn. You don’t get back anything for a while BUT when they recognize you, look to you for comfort, can’t wait to see you for you to make them laugh, run to you for a hug — THAT’s the magical part.

Newborn crying drove me up the wall too— not rage induing (usually). That’s the point of crying— its their only communication tool so it has to spring you to action. If they are dry, clean, safe and fed and being held isn’t helping — it is okay to lie them down somewhere safe and take some time to breathe away from the crying.

Newborn life is hard. Even with a healthy ‘normal’ baby— but you’ll get through it and hopefully you and your wife will be a stronger couple because of it!

Not feeling instant ‘love’ and being enamored with newborn life doesnt seem out of the ordinary as lots of other commenters have confirmed.

Reach out to a medical professional for assessment for PPA / PPD if you feel something is ‘off’ — theres no reason not to check and get ahead of something that is treatable. You will be better able to be a better parent and husband if YOU are okay.

 

[nid4jc]

@kath26 I was the same way man. You will start to see them (your child) grow and it will bring you much joy.

 

[greenbird]

@kath26 Don't worry, it'll come. Newborns are lumps. They cry and poop and eat and otherwise don't do much. But when your babe smiles their first real smile, we'll have you back here to tell us how amazing it is

 

[spencer_3433]

@kath26 Newborns suck, you’re totally fine. My husband calls them “grubs.” He still loves his kids — in fact, we are having a third in two weeks (others are 3 and 5yo), and it was largely his idea!

My husband and I both started enjoying them as actual humans a lot more starting: 1. Around 8 weeks, when they smile and laugh and generally seem to give a shit that you’re there, that you’re daddy, and not just a vessel for food and poop removal, 2. once they start walking and playing, around 1yo, and most certainly 3. Like 2yo+ when they talk and interact and have a personality. My 5yo now loves playing video games with her dad. There are enjoyable days to come, my friend.

In the meantime, I highly recommend earplugs, and keeping a good honest gauge on your mental health. Men can suffer PPD/PPA as well, and early intervention with a healthcare provider can drastically change your experience (ask me how I know…)

 

[liquidiqn]

@kath26 Dang. Lots of good stuff here. My only contribution is that you ask spouse for something you can do with the baby as the primary parent and her hanging in the background ( or together if you want). For me, it was bath time and bedtime stories. The more opportunities you have to be the primary the better. This current period has so many “mom” things by default it’s had to find your routine with the child. Hang in there. The best stuff is around the corner.

 

[typological1]

@kath26 Do as much skin-to-skin time as possible in these early days. That really helped me develop a bond with my daughter. Also, please try to remember that for many people a connection/bond isn't created overnight. You are only 2.5 weeks into his life! Let it happen naturally and try your hardest to remain patient. Best of luck, brother!

 

[geoffry]

@kath26 Consider these days your Basic Training at army camp. They aren't fun, they're a learning curve, and they really are the basic stuff. Also, a baby crying is one of the worst sounds on earth, you're meant to hate it so that you tend to your kid, not that you run away. This part IS hard, but it will pass, I promise. Good luck.

 

[surgeon23]

@kath26 It took me a while to really connect with my son. As he grows up and develops a personality, it will come. After we had our son, the hospital staff reminded us that we are meeting a brand new person and it will take a bit of time to get used to each other.

 

[dovahkiin]

@kath26 You will get use to baby crying. We had our son last year and it was extremely difficult to hear him cry. Thankfully, he didn't cry much. At the 6 months mark, we had to sleep train him and it was very difficult to hear him cry himself to sleep for 30 minutes. Now my son is in the beginning phase of terrible 2s and he would cry if he doesn't get his way. We had our daughter at the beginning of this year. Now I'm use to baby crying. I can hear the differences in the cry and I go through a mental checklist. Your baby will cry if they are hungry, if they need a pamper change, sleepy, want body heat, want attention, or is colicky... They cry for anything and everything because that's the only way they communicate. You will eventually figure out why they are crying.

 

[boywithdog]

@kath26 I loved my son from day 1, but I did not fall in love with him until ~7 months. Before then, he was a lumpy beanbag that I would jump in front of a train for. After 7 months, he started to interact with me more and that’s when I fell in love.

Give yourself time. Your partner had nine months to walk around with, feel, and fall in love with your kid. If you’re like me, it wasn’t real until shortly before your partner went into labor.

 

[yundong0329]

@kath26 Babies cry and there is nothing you can do but to grow up. Later on that baby will have tantrums and bitch and cry and again, your job is to be calm and settle the situation. Don't even ask about teens and then young adults.

Nothing is wrong with you, babies are not that amazing... they are a ton of work and you better get used to it.

 

[silvercomet]

@kath26 Newborn babies suck. They are just a giant chore. Somewhere around 5-7 months they get more of a personality and you get more attached emotionally to them.

But yeah. Babies are just awful never ending chores. I feel ya.

 

[yeli]

@kath26 You're completely normal. It took me close to 9 months to develop any kind of bond with my first. I felt like some kind of weirdo because people talk about "love at first sight". I think that's bs. But the connection did come for me, I just needed to build it over time. I really don't like the infant stage. It's the worst part for me and I just focus on getting through it. I don't really care for anything about that stage. Love my kids, took very good care of them when they were infants and boy am I glad to have them in older stages now. Everyone is different. There's no law that you have to love every stage. Maybe just make sure you're finding healthy ways to relieve that stress you're feeling. You are not alone!

 

[youniquestar]

@kath26 I need to ask this before I say anything. Did you have a baby because YOU wanted one, or because she wanted one?

 

[katrina2017]

@kath26 You're not the only one. I'm not a fan of the baby stage. Everyone says it's so wonderful, but I much rather have someone able to do a few things for his or her self and to start to hear new words, help walk, etc. rather than the baby stage.

 

[katrina2017]

@kath26 It's only the beginning, which is usually the hardest. You gonna start loving it at some point, believe me) it's getting better)

 

[dugbeard]

@kath26 It’s early days. At this stage of parenting all you’re doing is keeping your baby alive. When the baby starts to actually do stuff other than poop and sleep, you’ll start to have fun.

 

[frankrh]

@kath26 Have some skin to skin bonding time, just lay down with your baby on your chest and enjoy the time together

 

[fivereapes]

@kath26 I wasnt neither

And now its mothers time to shine (because breastfeeding) (of course you can still help!)

You will develop a bond over time, but it can take a few months.

I love my kid more than anything. He is awesome!
But when he was born? He was just some pile of meat that screamed, as soon as i needed to poop