I’m a new dad as of 2.5 weeks ago and can’t say I’m all that excited. Is something wrong with me??

[codycoyote]

@kath26 You're normal. Not everyone gets that tinge of excitement the second the baby is born. Find support from who you are comfortable talking about this with.. Talk to your wife about this, your parents, your doctor... let people know you are having a hard time. Sometimes professional support is needed.

 

[megz1985]

@codycoyote Definitely all about the professional support. It sucks and post partum anxiety and depression are real and can affect all parents, not just those that give birth. Professional help was the key for me.

 

[amd358]

@kath26 The "dad switch" doesn't automatically flip on when the baby comes out. You are probably exhausted and stressed out - all which the baby can sense. If you aren't walking around muttering "Crap, now where did I put the baby?!" then you are doing okay. Let friends and family help out, tag team when you can, and think happy thoughts. One day soon, he will smile at you and you will forget all of this.

 

[livinit4christ]

@kath26 There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not uncommon for dads to not feel a connection, or to feel excitement about having a child. In fact, it’s not uncommon for a new mother to feel the same. No one ever talks about these things though so I understand your concern.

Here’s a heads up. The first 6 months are literally making sure your baby doesn’t starve to death or eat something that they can choke on. There’s poop and spit up and sleepless nights and it’s a messy, miserable job. But people expect you to be all happy and giddy about changing a baby who just had explosive diarrhea all over your lap. Don’t fall for it. Mine just turned 1 and it’s only been the last few months that he’s really interacted with us and done anything interesting.

Newborns are boring too. They just lay there. And to try entertaining them… it’s awful. A word of advice, when trying to entertain an infant, they don’t know any better. Have three or four go to activities. A rattle, a swing, a mat for tummy time… whatever. Rotate those few activities. They don’t know the difference. You don’t need to spend 10 hours trying to come up with something new for them to do.

So, babies are boring. Babies are messy. Babies are a long term chore. There’s not much to like about it. That being said, try to distinguish between loving your new baby and liking him.

Also for the crying, learn the art of swaddling origami, then once he’s swaddled, give him a pacifier, hold him in your arms with his head in the crease of your elbow, supporting his body with your arm and your hand holding his legs. Make sure he’s on his side and not his back. Then gently away left and right while shushing him. My wife was amazed at how quickly I could quiet him down. This is known as the 5S technique. Swaddle, suck, side, sway and shush.

 

[stabbyclaus]

@kath26 This is how most women feel when they develop post partum depression. Not a lot of people talk about how men can experience this too. There is nothing "wrong" with you, you're adapting to a whole new environment and experiences. Sometimes the new change is over stimulating. Any time I felt that way I would set my daughter down in a safe place and have to leave the room so I could have a moment to calm myself. I could never let her cry for long because the sound made me feel like I was losing it. My partner eventually had to break us both of the habit and just let her cry, so she could start learning it is okay to be alone and independent. The crying eventually got better. We eventually established a routine with ourselves and our daughter. Things have improved so much.

 

[ollyt]

@kath26 It concerns me how you say “helping your wife” like it’s her sole responsibility and you’re just the back up when she gets tired. Team effort.

 

[angel41]

@kath26 The fourth trimester is ROUGH. It's all about survival. I remember missing my "old life" so much. Someone referred to this period as the "100 days of darkness" and as we were nearing the end of those 100 days, i swear, things really started to look brighter. You find your groove, there is less crying and more smiles, more hot meals eaten with your partner again.

Keep doing what your doing. PPD/PPA is a thing for dad's too so please take care of yourself.

I also encourage you to do a little reading on baby development by week - this helped me to better understand what my baby was going through and made me less likely to get frustrated with the crying. It's hard work growing a brain!

We just hit the six month mark and I didn't know babies were this much fun or that they had so much personality! Our gal keeps us laughing every day. I know it doesn't feel like it will ever end but it gets SO much better.

 

[tertioptus]

@kath26 First couple months is just survival and creating a routine. I highly recommend earplug, they worked wonder for me when my daughter was in her screaming phase. I definitely developed more of an attachment when she started to develop her personality and wasn't just eat shit sleep. And however hard it was for me it was harder for me wife. She found it oddly dehumanizing to basically be a feeding and survival machine. But once we got over the 4 month hump that attachment really developed. You'll be all right.

 

[endtimewitness]

@kath26 Newborns are hard! Everything is new and difficult for all parties involved. Hang in there.

I (a mom) never got the hype about newborns either. But around 4, 5, 6 months when they start developing a personality... that's when it gets fun.

All the coming stages each have something so great about them. The first time your kiddo says "mama" or "dada", the request for "tickles" and glee found in simple things we take for granted, the first joke they make, the absolute obsession they develop over trains, or firetrucks, or pandas...(we have now seen every zoo panda in the continental United States)

You get what I'm saying. Kids are much more fun with your interaction with them is something beyond feeding cleaning and changing.

 

[joiner11]

@kath26 See mom has 40 weeks to bond with the baby inside her growing & changing body so the connections is more easily made. However, some dads do struggle. I have a running theory that's why babies look like their dads so much at birth is so its easier for dad to look at their baby & know that's a piece of them they created. Which makes it easier to bond. Try "kangaroo care" aka skin to skin, take your shirt off, put the baby in just a diaper & lay the baby on your chest after he's just had a meal (whether it's bottle or straight from the mom tap doesn't matter just a full baby belly matters) & then put a light blanket of his over you 2 but nothing between you. Do this for about 30 mins at a minimum & it promotes bonding for you both. Not every dad has an instant connection but you will eventually. You may just not like babies & when the baby starts being more Mobile & independent & you can play with him, then you will probably bond more easily & if all else fails seek therapy to get to the root of the cause to fix it.

 

[svr]

@kath26 It can be like that. You are allowed to feel what you feel, don't spend energy worrying. Love kind of grows out of emotional investment, and some of that investment is simply up front, right now. You too will in all likelihood some time later forget this reality and look back with rosecolored glasses and vaseline on the lens, figuratively speaking, highly praising the baby period to your younger friends. It does get better though, and your wife and child needs you. Its ok to wear hearing protection to ease your trouble. It's ok to be tired and run down (and most of us are, in the first months until the baby figures out how to sleep longer periods). Do what you have to do to cope, because if you dont take care of yourself, you can't fulfill your obligations to you wife and kid either. Do not forget to eke out a little time to hug eachother and laugh about the hardship between diapers and feedings - it will pay off in your relationship in the long run; it's easy to forget you are partners at the same time as parents.

 

[shayb]

@kath26 It's a process. The rainbow doesn't appear until after the storm.

When he is a toddler you'll look back and be fond of when they were a baby. If you haven't had kids/babies in your life i can totally understand.

This is a totally lame cause it's august. But there is a christmas movie with Nic Cage called Family man. where he has to live in a what if scenario. the what if scenario being kids. HE HATES IT. it's not until it's taken away where he realizes what it all stands for.

 

[papi_rico]

@kath26 Some parents feel connected immediately, and some take time. It is completely normal for Dads in particular to not really feel connected to their kids until around 2 years old. It's not because anything is wrong with you, but it's because they are so care dependent and don't really do much playing and interaction until then. The way we are wired, mom is the one who really nurtures and cares for infants and for whatever reason it's just less common for dads to feel immediately connected to their babies. I hope you don't worry too much about this. In the meantime, being supportive and doing your best to be a loving caretaker is the absolute best thing you could be doing.

 

[rich234]

@kath26 Babies are hard! And especially if the baby is nursing at this age Mommy is way better than Daddy.

 

[mentalatrophy]

@kath26 Keep in mind that you can have post partum depression. Men get it too. Talk to your doctor and see a counsellor. These feelings happen and they can be worked out

 

[dianneshin123]

@kath26 About not having a connection with your little guy. It can take a lot longer for men to form a connection with their baby then women. Some people it's instant but with both my kids it took around 3 weeks before I felt a real connection, and longer for my husband. So don't feel bad about it at all.

 

[bms426]

@kath26 Chillax not everyone's gotta be excited about that sorts stuff. I know I wouldn't be

 

[mylittlemercy]

@kath26 First 12 weeks are really tough, there’s not a ton of joy in there since the baby doesn’t have a lot of personality yet and the screaming drives you insane. I used to wear earplugs with noise canceling headphones over the top when things got too unbearable!
We were able to get baby 1 sleeping through the night (more or less) by 12 weeks though, and things started to get better. Around a year old their personality really starts to come out, and that’s when I found myself feeling the rainbows and sunshine… hang in there, it’ll pass.

 

[imafighter]

@kath26 Newborn screaming potato phase sucks... It's a huge trial for your sanity and your relationship with your significant other. She's still healing, baby isn't used to being out and alive yet. You're new to being a parent and you're all still getting to know each other. You just met after all!

Hang in there, what you're feeling right now is a fight or flight response because of exhaustion and your brain trying to process and major life change.

In a few months that baby will start to smile and bond with you. It feels a lot better just give it time

 

[metoo30]

@kath26 It’s normal. Also the sleep deprivation is making its impact. It will get better, hang in there! Sending hugs.