How to respond to the people who say “WeLl CaN’t YoU jUsT wOrK fRoM hOmE?”

@mahyrah I work from home full time and I have been shocked by how many people think I can watch my kids during the work day. It's two completely different universes. The occasional days where I have to double up make me feel like I'm going to battle. I legit have nervous breakdowns afterwards.
 
@mahyrah Haha! I thought I’d be able to take care of my toddler when I went back to work full time. It didn’t work. Luckily, he was able to get into a great daycare quickly once I realized I couldn’t watch him and not get myself fired.
 
@kaylaat Genuine question, no sarcasm or needling here — did you end up breaking even at least for the cost of the child care, or were you lucky enough to be making enough money or lucky enough to find childcare that was cheap enough to have enough money left over every paycheck to justify I’m going back to work and sending kiddo to daycare? In our area, unless I wanted to go after the sort of contract work that I had before becoming pregnant (which would require between 50 and 70 hours on a job site an hour away), we wouldn’t even break even for the average cost per week for daycare.
 
@pedroinspain I my husband and I both work in IT, so we are fortunate to be able to afford daycare now. Before that, I worked as a veterinary technician. I quit that job, because I would have been working just to pay for daycare.
 
@pedroinspain My husband is self-taught, and has been working with computers since he started fixing them for money at age 13. His dad is also a programmer. I started out as a marketing assistant at a small software company years ago, and learned more and more as I worked my way up, even if I didn’t make much money. I got burned out there, and got a job as a receptionist at the vet’s office where I volunteered in the evenings. From there, I moved to another vet’s office where I worked as a tech while I finished business school.
 
@mahyrah I normally work from home (on mat leave at the moment). Days when I had no child care and my son was home I'd get way less accomplished. Just constant interruptions. He'd want something, or need a bum change, snacks, dinner, cleaning up from them, hurt himself playing, trying to play with a noisy toy, etc.

No way I could work from home full time with no child care. I'd have to put in 12 hour days just to make up for the time I wasn't actually working.
 
@mahyrah Before I got pregnant I also entered into the work from home world. My favorite part was: oh cool, you now have no excuse of not cooking. You can do that during your lunch break as a proper wife.

Like, OK Susan, if that is your vision of a "proper wife" than I should not be working at all and depend on my husband's finances, right???
 
@mahyrah The working moms subreddit literally banned questions on how to wfh while walking a kid because it’s terrible / impossible. The fact that anyone even considers this blows my mind. The times we’ve had to do it due to illness / Covid etc are the worst. Babies are full time jobs. I would just act shocked if someone said that. You want me to neglect my baby while I work a job? That’s so messed up.
 
@mahyrah There are a variety of responses you could have, perhaps this list will inspire you:

1 Lay on the ground and pretend to be a mummy until they lose interest and eventually walk away

2 Fart very loudly. Make direct eye contact. Fart again if possible, while maintaining eye contact.

3 Exclaim loudly "I AM A BLUE PERSON" and then saunter away slowly, winking, and doing finger guns

4 Just repeat the question back to them, but slowly with weird pauses and a strange inflection that makes it sound like theres a question mark after.... every....? Single word???

5 Recite an entire episode of Hoarders from memory

6 farting loudly and assertively. I'm putting this here twice because if you can pull it off, this almost always works. They leave, disgusted, and will actively avoid talking to you ever again. It's beautiful.

7 a simple "mind your own business" also suffices, but I think these might be more entertaining
 
@sacm Surely I could do 2 and 6 without breaking character.. My aunt could on command too. Any other super power in the world would have sufficed though.. ANY...
 
@noam111g Idk dude I think you have a real gift!

Bottlenecked aisle at the store? Let it rip! Watch the crowd disperse

Want to get back at a misbehaving child? Walk by and give em a little toot. Depending on how tall you are, you might get them square in the face. That'll teach em.

Need to get out of work or a social function you never really wanted to go to in the first place, early? Feign gastrointestinal distress. Fart between words for maximum effect. Or better yet, just pretend to shit your pants. Nobody will question you. Ever.

I hope you recognize your true potential @noam111g because it is truly infinite
 
@sacm Is this my purpose?? Lmao. God decided to make me 5'11 3/4"... I couldn't just have the quarter inch..
It does work we'll for my unruly boy, he is the one getting too tall now... I don't think I could commit to full on crapping my pants, maybe a shart?? I'll wear white if the occasion ever rises. My current boss is a butthole height 3 year old,, she's got it coming to her though.. I will consider my possibilities, I am otherwise mostly ladylike.. ha. You're funny BTW!
 
@noam111g If you haven't read this absolute masterpiece I assure you, this man understands you. His words were my inspiration. You're welcome.
Go forth and fart. Fart like there is no tomorrow you beautiful gaseous creature.
 

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