How would you respond to this?
- Thread starter ajewelinhiscrown
- Start date
metalmommy4
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown I’ve read through a lot of your post now your issues are 100% irresponsible parenting allowing your child to be up till 11-12 regularly… at 5, can’t get the kid to school on time, you got 3 kids, they deserve better. Making excuses after excuse in comments your children NEED some consistency! And it’s really not fair to them. You are a stay at home dad! You are a stay at home parent! Their are 0 excuses for her to be late every day almost! If you can’t take care of your children properly maybe let your wife come home and give it a go. I’m a singe mom! My kids are 3 years and 7 months old I am nursing full time! My kids are never late by 30 minutes expessally not regularly!!! You are clearly overwhelmed but maybe you need to talk to your wife about getting a nanny or another care taker bc your kids deserve so much better
@ajewelinhiscrown 1) Pre-packed outfits for every school day. Get your 5 y/o involved in the process to make those packed outfits on the weekends so they look forward to wearing them.
2) Prepare breakfasts ahead of time so you only have to pop them open or pop them in the microwave. Things like overnight oats, breakfast burritos, yogurt parfaits, etc. Get your 5 y/o involved in that process so they’re excited to eat those things in the morning.
3) Morning routine chart with every step of the routine laid out. You can use pictogramme images for the chart so your 5 y/o can read the chart on their own. Stickers are super cheap and most kids love them. Get into the habit of doing stickers with them after school. Areas where they helped they can have a sticker, areas where they need more work are identified and because you are doing this after school, you have the time to go over it. Stick to it diligently and soon enough they will love to fill their entire chart.
4) Set alarms for everything in the morning. These will keep you and your children moving. Have an alarm to wake up, to have dress up done, to have breakfast done and to be out the door.
Respond to the school, apologize, let them know you are implementing new things to rectify the issue. Don’t give them a list of excuses, it won’t phase them… they deal with 10 to 20 toddlers at a time and have to keep them on schedule.
You got this!
2) Prepare breakfasts ahead of time so you only have to pop them open or pop them in the microwave. Things like overnight oats, breakfast burritos, yogurt parfaits, etc. Get your 5 y/o involved in that process so they’re excited to eat those things in the morning.
3) Morning routine chart with every step of the routine laid out. You can use pictogramme images for the chart so your 5 y/o can read the chart on their own. Stickers are super cheap and most kids love them. Get into the habit of doing stickers with them after school. Areas where they helped they can have a sticker, areas where they need more work are identified and because you are doing this after school, you have the time to go over it. Stick to it diligently and soon enough they will love to fill their entire chart.
4) Set alarms for everything in the morning. These will keep you and your children moving. Have an alarm to wake up, to have dress up done, to have breakfast done and to be out the door.
Respond to the school, apologize, let them know you are implementing new things to rectify the issue. Don’t give them a list of excuses, it won’t phase them… they deal with 10 to 20 toddlers at a time and have to keep them on schedule.
You got this!
melanie2002
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown I guess I'd say yes, we need help. It also sounds like you need more support from your wife. Look, if you're arriving up to thirty minutes late, you need to shift your life by thirty minutes. End your days thirty minutes earlier, begin your mornings thirty minutes earlier. You say you wake up on time but the kids are running late? Then you're not waking up on time or waking them up on time. Your five year old is going to bed too late? You need to figure out how to get them to bed earlier and employ a proper wind down routine to help this happen. Ultimately, you and your wife are the parents and your failings are failing your kids. You are disrupting your kid's education. So yes, say yes, we need help, and take it. It's not a helpless situation. It's not impossible to get to school on time. It's just what you are doing isn't working. Let someone help you.
@ajewelinhiscrown An additional thing that might help your 5 year old in the process of learning is visuals. Perhaps the school may have access to some downloadable pictures of morning routines you could stick up in your hallway and refer to that may help your child learn the morning rules and routines. E.g.
eat breakfast
Put on coat
Over time your child should learn to cooperate with you more
Especially if there is a reward for the two of you making it on time like sticker charts at home and you giving them lots of praise and high-fives.
eat breakfast
Put on coat
Over time your child should learn to cooperate with you more
Especially if there is a reward for the two of you making it on time like sticker charts at home and you giving them lots of praise and high-fives.
@ajewelinhiscrown I have 5 y/o in kindergarten who loves to sleep and constantly whines in the morning that he’s “sooo tired”. Bus comes at 8:10 and we live one house from the bus stop. I start waking him at 7:30am….curtains open, lights on, fan/white noise off, etc. Breakfast is cheerios, fruit, and half a hard boiled egg. Immediately get dressed afterward (I help him so he stays on task), brush teeth, and out the door. We NEVER miss the bus. If he is dragging , I tell him he’ll go to school in his PJs and with stinky teeth.
Back pack is packed, everything signed the night before. If he is bringing lunch, I make it the night before or before he wakes up. Bedtime is 8pm with a story, lights out, and then a lullaby.
I also get my preschooler ready before he wakes up. She sometimes brushes her teeth after bus drop off and then we go to preschool.
I am in various states of dresses for work with makeup etc, or in my lounge clothes with messy hair, no shower, etc.
You can do this! Just need to simplify the routine.
Back pack is packed, everything signed the night before. If he is bringing lunch, I make it the night before or before he wakes up. Bedtime is 8pm with a story, lights out, and then a lullaby.
I also get my preschooler ready before he wakes up. She sometimes brushes her teeth after bus drop off and then we go to preschool.
I am in various states of dresses for work with makeup etc, or in my lounge clothes with messy hair, no shower, etc.
You can do this! Just need to simplify the routine.
newfoundlight10
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown Sounds like you need help so say yes! 30 mins late is A LOT especially if there isn't an underlying issue that could cause the lateness not only are you effing up your own kids education you're disturbing the whole class. Teachers spend a lot of their own time coming up with lesson plans etc for the kids and all of that is getting thrown out because your child doesn't get up early. Wake her up earlier, it's that bloody simple.
ajewelinhiscrown
New member
@newfoundlight10 You know what? I used to be a music teacher and I had one particular class that was absolutely terribly behaved. 8th graders. They were not that well-behaved as 6th graders and they got progressively worse. Every teacher in the school knew this and commiserated about it. One (non-music) teacher offered to help me and co-taught the class with me for a little while to help get them under control and prepped for an upcoming performance.
I was after my boss for months about taking family leave which had been newly enacted in NY. He avoided talking to me for months. I ended up taking the family leave and the school didn’t renew my teaching contract. Want to know what they brought up in my “you’re not coming back” interview? The fact that this other teacher helped me teach the 8th graders, as if I clearly couldn’t handle them myself. And she is the one who approached me and offered to help. They were impossible and I’m a music teacher not a behavioral psychologist. They had so many behavioral issues I couldn’t begin to help them.
That’s what I’ve learned happens when you accept someone’s offer for help when you’re struggling yourself.
I know we need to be on time. I know my 5 y/o needs to wake up earlier and I do this. We had I think 3 times since the start of the school year when we were the 30 minutes late. We’re also coming off of a year and a half of remote pre-K and kindergarten, which I did with my daughter every single day.
I was after my boss for months about taking family leave which had been newly enacted in NY. He avoided talking to me for months. I ended up taking the family leave and the school didn’t renew my teaching contract. Want to know what they brought up in my “you’re not coming back” interview? The fact that this other teacher helped me teach the 8th graders, as if I clearly couldn’t handle them myself. And she is the one who approached me and offered to help. They were impossible and I’m a music teacher not a behavioral psychologist. They had so many behavioral issues I couldn’t begin to help them.
That’s what I’ve learned happens when you accept someone’s offer for help when you’re struggling yourself.
I know we need to be on time. I know my 5 y/o needs to wake up earlier and I do this. We had I think 3 times since the start of the school year when we were the 30 minutes late. We’re also coming off of a year and a half of remote pre-K and kindergarten, which I did with my daughter every single day.
@ajewelinhiscrown Don't act like teaching 8th grade and teaching 1st grade are even remotely the same thing. Come on, now.
easternorthodox
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown One block away and still 30 minutes late? 5 year old needs to be going to bed earlier and waking up earlier.. have you tried giving them melatonin a bit earlier so they don't fall asleep so late? How much prep do you do the night before? What is your partner doing during all this?
@easternorthodox This. 5yr olds don't set their own bed time, or wake-up time. Mom/dad/whoever tells them it's bed time, and enforce it. They also wake them up when necessary. It's *not* fun, but it's 100% a need. IDK when school is, but it only gets worse for wake-up time as they get older. My kids get on the bus now at 6:20am for 6th/9th grade respectively. The 9th graders first year of middle school (6th grade) the bus came at 5:50am.
Bed for my boys now is 9:30pm. When they were younger (5-10ish) it was 8:30pm.
Bed for my boys now is 9:30pm. When they were younger (5-10ish) it was 8:30pm.
katrina2017
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown Looks like you’ve got some good advice in here already. WFH now, becoming SAHD soon but mornings are usually all on me. A routine is a must. My wife gets upset that when she has a morning they’re always late, with me they’re always early because I enforce the routine. I usually am up early to pack lunches and prepare breakfast before waking the rugrats though. Teacher email sounds sincere about helping though so would partner with them before it becomes a bigger issue. This is with a 8yr old, 4yr old and 6mo old.
@ajewelinhiscrown Prep everything the night before. Bathe her the night before, rather than in the morning. Pick out clothes and make lunches the night before. Get her to sleep earlier. Since that’s not only causing issues with waking up, but sets her up for a horrible day if she’s tired.
I get kids are hard, especially with two young ones. But I don’t understand how you’re only getting her to school on time once within a whole week. But the best advice I could give you is to prep everything you can the night before, so you just have get changed, brush your teeth, grab your jackets and go. Minimize how much you have to do in the morning.
I get kids are hard, especially with two young ones. But I don’t understand how you’re only getting her to school on time once within a whole week. But the best advice I could give you is to prep everything you can the night before, so you just have get changed, brush your teeth, grab your jackets and go. Minimize how much you have to do in the morning.
@whitney11 Even as a grown up I do this, I know I’m rubbish in the mornings so I wash before bed, hair up in loose bun so it’s not full of cotters in the morning ( v long hair) , lunch, clothes etc set out, minimal make up / hair routine. I’m a natural owl too, but I have to work to pay my bills and they want me in at set times, so it’s a no brainier for me.
I’ve just started making some baked oat bars each weekend so I can grab one to have once I get to work, more nutritious than shop bought ones, I even put the tea bag in my travel mug!
I’ve just started making some baked oat bars each weekend so I can grab one to have once I get to work, more nutritious than shop bought ones, I even put the tea bag in my travel mug!
@ajewelinhiscrown This is on y'all for not getting your 5 year old into an actual routine. You're being negligent with her sleep (which, hello, that's why she's sluggish and off-task in the mornings) and you're expecting her to have the task engagement and capacity of a fully grown adult when she's exhausted and not getting enough sleep.
This is the nice way of telling you that the tardiness is translating into absences, which has consequences.
EDIT: I have a 3 and 5 year old, both go to school. 5 year old is full-week, 3 year old is 3 days a week and has different drop-off and pick-up times. My son has specific accommodations that allow him to be a little later because he can't be at school without his support staff - and even with those accommodations I'm usually there early. Take the help and quit the excuses.
This is the nice way of telling you that the tardiness is translating into absences, which has consequences.
EDIT: I have a 3 and 5 year old, both go to school. 5 year old is full-week, 3 year old is 3 days a week and has different drop-off and pick-up times. My son has specific accommodations that allow him to be a little later because he can't be at school without his support staff - and even with those accommodations I'm usually there early. Take the help and quit the excuses.
forgiven_ent
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown Create a picture schedule that is within the site of the 5 year old wit the morning routine. Set your alarm and get her up at the same time each day. Go through the steps with her. Get as many things ready in the evening as possible - set out clothes, bath, have breakfast planned.
katrina2017
New member
@ajewelinhiscrown Admittedly, I am not in your position (we decided to be 1 and done) so, I cannot truly understand dealing with that many kids at one time. Even so, when kiddo was younger, it was sometimes a struggle getting out the door on time (school is ~ 1km walking distance and we did not qualify for the bus even when kiddo was in kindergarten)... this is what I did to ensure that she got to school on time...
School-wear all laid out on the floor of the walk-in closet. Winter-wear or other stuff (need to take recyclable materials to the school next day, umbrella - check the weather the day before, etc.) kept by the door the night before. If it was possible to keep the lunch packed the previous night, I would do that (e.g. pasta salad can be packed the previous night, egg-wrap needs to be prepared fresh in the morning). Snacks are room-temp, so I could fill those in her box the previous night. Keep the water-bottle on the kitchen counter - along with the next morning breakfast's cutlery also kept ready there. The entire week's breakfast, lunch and snacks were decided on Friday evening of the week before (so that we could do grocery shopping on the weekend accordingly); these items were recorded in a table, so I did not have to think what had to be done the next day. Most breakfasts were a combination of banana, toast with butter, milk, nuts, boiled egg (boiled the previous night and kept ready) - so, little to no prep there.
The morning of school - all kiddo had to do was get up, washroom (before or after breakfast depending on when nature calls), eat breakfast, brush teeth, do hair, wear clothes and leave. When she was getting ready, I would make her lunch (if required - most times we had meal prep, so I did not have to make lunch in the morning), dump her stuff in her bag-pack and be ready to get out myself.
Edit: We have a strict bed-time - lights out at 8 p.m. for kiddo... even on the weekends... only exception is long holidays (that too, 3 nights before they end, we switch back to the early bed-time. Also, long holidays, bed-time is no later than 9 p.m.).
School-wear all laid out on the floor of the walk-in closet. Winter-wear or other stuff (need to take recyclable materials to the school next day, umbrella - check the weather the day before, etc.) kept by the door the night before. If it was possible to keep the lunch packed the previous night, I would do that (e.g. pasta salad can be packed the previous night, egg-wrap needs to be prepared fresh in the morning). Snacks are room-temp, so I could fill those in her box the previous night. Keep the water-bottle on the kitchen counter - along with the next morning breakfast's cutlery also kept ready there. The entire week's breakfast, lunch and snacks were decided on Friday evening of the week before (so that we could do grocery shopping on the weekend accordingly); these items were recorded in a table, so I did not have to think what had to be done the next day. Most breakfasts were a combination of banana, toast with butter, milk, nuts, boiled egg (boiled the previous night and kept ready) - so, little to no prep there.
The morning of school - all kiddo had to do was get up, washroom (before or after breakfast depending on when nature calls), eat breakfast, brush teeth, do hair, wear clothes and leave. When she was getting ready, I would make her lunch (if required - most times we had meal prep, so I did not have to make lunch in the morning), dump her stuff in her bag-pack and be ready to get out myself.
Edit: We have a strict bed-time - lights out at 8 p.m. for kiddo... even on the weekends... only exception is long holidays (that too, 3 nights before they end, we switch back to the early bed-time. Also, long holidays, bed-time is no later than 9 p.m.).
@ajewelinhiscrown If this is not your strong suit, I think you take them up on it. They may have some great ideas. Regularly being late is disruptive to the class and your daughter is missing out. Not to mention, I'm sure it's embarrassing and stressful for you. It needs to be a priority, but time management and organisation are skills. If you don't have the right skills, and/or you are having difficulty with your kid learning them, here's no shame in accepting help to learn them.
ajewelinhiscrown
New member
@luris Thank you for this. I have read many comments saying how this is 100% my fault and I should do better. I get up before anyone else. I prep everything. I get my wife's coffee. I handle basically everything. I'm only one person. Even if everything is set to go on time, if my 5 y/o isn't up in time and isn't cooperating, I'm just continually struggling. She's always been an owl and has never been a child who goes to bed early. My nephew literally cannot stay away past 8 PM and wakes up every day at 5 AM for the day. If this was my kid, I'm sure I would have no problem getting to school on time.
@ajewelinhiscrown
For clarification, are you expecting the kid to wake up naturally on their own at the right time? or are you waking them up at the “right time” but their lack of being cooperative makes everything take too long?
For clarification, are you expecting the kid to wake up naturally on their own at the right time? or are you waking them up at the “right time” but their lack of being cooperative makes everything take too long?