How to be a good "not-parent"

[sleeplesshollow]

I am 36F and my partner (35M) has 3 children from a 10 year marriage that ended a little over 2 years ago. K - 11m, L - 8m, R - 5m. He has them the 3 days a week that he doesn't work, and the mother gets them the other days.

My partner and I have been dating since early this year, been friends over a year.

Though I do have 4 nephews of similar ages that I see frequently, I don't parent them, so I consider myself fairly inexperienced with children and how to interact and help them be good humans.

What are some things I can do, research, and practice to help me be successful in my role as my partner's GF who isn't in a role of parent?

What are some things I should NOT do?

I genuinely just want to be as helpful and supportive as possible while around the kids. I love my partner and want to be a good presence in their lives.

ETA Words because I'm awful on mobile

 

[acoustics4me]

@sleeplesshollow Hi .. I think as a start you can ask the partners what she needs as help around the kids and to ask about the kids habits , also what part of her and the kids life missed so you can contribute through.. direct questions are better than guessing to keep things together then I think you'll find the way comes as flow.. Good luck in your new life

 

[sleeplesshollow]

@acoustics4me Thanks! I'm the woman, my partner is a man, sorry if my post wasn't clear but I really appreciate the input!

 

[acoustics4me]

@sleeplesshollow You are so nice to think of your relation this way ...being a helpful partner is valuable in the relationship.. hope you find your way with the kids and to keep the spark with the partner ️

 

[sleeplesshollow]

@acoustics4me Thank you

 

[v7egihir]

@sleeplesshollow honestly i think the best thing to do is just ask. every family is different, and there may be some things that i think are fine, that someone else would think are totally unacceptable.

 

[sleeplesshollow]

@v7egihir Very true

 

[cosmicdust]

@sleeplesshollow I have three boys, my boyfriend moved in with us 4 years ago when the kids were exactly the same age as your boyfriend’s. He was just friendly with the kids, he’s always respectful and attentive with them. The kids love him and he has taken a full parenting role. They boys give him un-father’s day presents. Their dad is out of the picture so our situation is different. What NOT to do: overthink things, if you like spending time with them just keep doing so. Be friendly and respectful to the kids and the relationship will develop to what it will be. Every kid is different so your relationship with each will be too. Just the fact that you are asking this question tells that you’re kind and thoughtful

 

[sleeplesshollow]

@cosmicdust Thank you, that's helpful and I appreciate the encouragement