@garberse Not me personally, but a close relative did ask her son at 19 to move out. He graduated at 18 and had a job. He chose to use drugs in her home multiple times and had no real plan for his future. So 6 months before he turned 19 she asked him to come up with a plan, or he would need to move out at 19. He ended up moving out, on his own.
@garberse I can't fathom how an 18 year old would be financially independent enough to be able to afford to move out nowadays. My 20 year old is still in college and lives at home. When she gets a job out of college, and is making enough to afford to move out, then I will reevaluate her living at home
@garberse I just assisted my 19yo get into a position with Americorp that requires him to live in a different city. It was time for him to be independent. He wanted space and so did we. It was a mutual choice but with a substantial shove. I told him he could temporarily move home after his post ends but I’m really hoping he doesn’t need to. Our house is small and he’s a very shitty roommate.
@dallin This sounds very relatable. I love my kid immensely but she has packed an awfully big attitude into our small house. (There's 5 humans and 4 cats living in our 1,000 sq ft home). She has already told me multiple times that she intends to leave as soon as she has enough money. I told her that our door is always open but I wholeheartedly agree that we need to live in separate spaces.
@garberse Americorps is a job training/service work US government program. They have lots of different programs, He’s doing Conservation Corps.
We did co-sign a lease for him and helped him get a used car so he can get started on his own. I think young folks really need space to learn to adult, away from their family home.
Hope your daughter is able to get into an apartment. No credit score or rental history is tough. It’s hard being a newborn grownup these days.
@garberse 18 is a tough age. They are at an age where they are ready to separate from parents in some ways and not in other ways. There’s a name for the difficult behaviour- soiling the best.
I admit, I am glad my daughter moved away to university at that age.
My daughter’s boyfriend, now 23, left home at 18. He says that despite having a harder time he wouldn’t have begun to grow up if he had stayed at home.
Are you able/ willing to offer some financial support to your kid if they do move out? Will they be allowed to return if they need to?
@scottpryor I am unable to offer any financial support however they are always welcome to come home and do laundry, have dinner, and whatever else they may need/want.
Soiling the best? Never heard that phrase. What exactly does it mean?
@garberse Basically it means that teenagers start to act in a way that makes it easier on us parents when they “leave the nest”. They don’t do it on purpose. They probably don’t even know they’re doing it.
@garberse I wish. He's such a pain in the ass anymore. He's always been the crappiest big brother, so mean. He causes so much stress and sleepless nights. He's probably the most stubborn person I've ever known and I've known some.
He's just not enjoyable to be around and I hate myself for feeling that way about my own kid
@garberse I have a son who will be 18 in November. I will be trying to keep him here for a while. He just lost his dad in November. He can't save money for anything. He has no reason to move out...but of course he's a teenager and that is his main goal.
@garberse No 18 year old is ready to live alone until they say they are ready. It's far too young for someone else to decide this for them. Plus they cannot afford it
@garberse I dont know, every family is different. My parents never made us feel like there was any clock ticking for us to go anywhere. We also were never asked to pay rent or pay towards bills. We either went to college or worked full time out of HS. I have 4 sisters, they ended up getting married in their twenties and moved out. I moved out when I was 25, bought a house for myself.
@garberse Our older son is 19. No.
He is still maturing and finding his way in the world by furthering his education and saving money by working part time.
He’s simply not ready to be out on his own or does he want to be.
@garberse If my child is trying to be productive, I can't imagine asking them to leave. The American economy is broken. There are some cultures across the globe where multiple generations of family members live under the same roof because of strong family relationships and the many benefits. America is moving in that direction due to capitalism.
Ten years ago, the statistic was that half of all Americans are low income or living in poverty. Congress redefined poverty to lift people out of poverty overnight by denying their existence. The more meaningful statistic today is that 60% of Americans live paycheck-to-paycheck.
@garberse I haven’t, and I don’t plan on asking them to move out. What I do is have them pay me rent, which unbeknownst to them, I put into a savings account and will give back to them when they want to buy their first home.
Can I ask why you want her to move out at such a young age?
@garberse Not to 18 yet (11 months to go) but we will not.
Rent prices are absurd in our area. So I don't foresee him moving out soon.
ALso, just because a child is 18, there is still the question of college/trade school/something, that might be in the way.
I didn't move out at 18 because the college I originally went to was within walking distance from where my mom already lived. I did move out when I changed schools.
