How hard is it to conceive and have healthy baby for 35-40F?

[tomcat4260]

I’m only 28 atm, but bc I know that I don’t want children any time soon, egg freezing is something that I’ve started to look into… until I realized how horrendously expensive it is! I could realistically afford to have the procedure done by the time that I’m 30 or so, but I honestly don’t know that I really want to drop tens of thousands of dollars on it - especially being that success isn’t guaranteed.

Is it realistic to think that I could conceive and have children (at least 1, but up to 3) between the ages of 35 and 40 w/o freezing my eggs beforehand? I know that every woman’s body is different, but I’m still interested to know other’s experiences w/ egg freezing and/or fertility b/t 30 and 40. TIA!

 

[servantofyahshua]

@tomcat4260 I’m 35 and most of my friends group is between 30 and 40. Honestly, only a handful of them have children and of the ones that do, most of them had them in the last couple years. I have some friends freezing their eggs and I have some friends that are really struggling with fertility. Depending on who you talk to, you’ll get different advice because everyone’s experience is different. If I were you, I would have this conversation with my doctor. Your doctor will have a better understanding of your health, could probably do some blood work, and help you make an informed decision. I don’t really have advice, but I can tell you that my friends that are struggling have begged me in the past to freeze my eggs.

 

[farmboy]

@tomcat4260 Yes, egg freezing is very expensive because it's essentially a large portion of IVF. You'd be doing the testing, stim medications, every other day bloodwork and ultrasounds, egg retrieval, and egg cryopreservation. The only thing missing is the sperm processing/fertilization and genetic testing if you choose.

Could you conceive 35-40 without assistance? There's no real way to know. I would start by speaking with a fertility clinic and having them run some preliminary testing to see what your hormones look like and do a consult + financial info on what you'd be looking at.

Anecdotally, I'm 37 and we've been TTC since I was 34. Currently waiting on genetic testing from our third and final round of IVF, and though mine and my husband's testing has all come back normal, we did not have good results and there's no way to know that beforehand.

 

[xojessica]

@tomcat4260 The problem is that you won't know until you try, everyone is different.

What's important is figuring out how important having biological children is to you because there are no guarantees and increased age only lowered the chances. How disappointed will you be if it doesn't work? Will you blame yourself for waiting to even try?

 

[tomcat4260]

@xojessica I’ve been on the fence about having kids for years, but this really hit home, and made me realize that I’d be devastated to completely have that choice taken away. Thanks for this!

 

[mcg1102]

@tomcat4260 The odds of pregnancy within a year of trying are around 80-90% up to about age 37, and then around 70% at 38-39, and then around 50% at 40-41 (source).

So overall, the odds are very good that you could have one child between 35 and 40, and rather good that you could have two. Three children in five years can be difficult to time no matter your age (it's recommended to have 18 months between the birth of one child and getting pregnant with the next).

 

[sourabhsj]

@tomcat4260 Personally, I have massive massive regrets about not freezing my eggs when I was younger. I thought seriously about it around age 25. Like you, I was scared off by the cost. In my case, I know my mother went into early menopause, so that was always lurking in the back of my mind. Flash forward, met my partner at 35 and we started trying at 36. No luck yet. If I could go back in time, I’d literally take a loan out if I had to.

It’s definitely possible to have kids over 35, like everyone is saying. But your fertility does decline with age — you can’t get around that — and you won’t know if you’ll have problems until you try.

 

[karena]

@tomcat4260 Think everyone's experience is different. I myself am 32 years old, and it's been a year so far with no luck... but on the other hand, my sister had her second in one go at 39 years old. I have many other friends who are in my age group and have had no issues conceiving, but again, this is not everyone. Like what the other person said, I would speak to your doctor about your options.

 

[hugntran2401]

@karena My mom had me at 39 after only a couple tries. I'm 30 and it's already been 4 months so far, no success yet (and I'm still well within the normal, expected fertility range). There are no guarantees and you won't know what you're working with until you try

 

[somnium]

@tomcat4260 T/w - existing child, reference to previous successes (mine and others).

Having a baby over 35 isn’t uncommon nowadays, but your fertility does decline as you get older (though as others have said not as dramatically as popular wisdom would have you believe). More pertinently, if you do have a problem, starting at 35 gives you a lot less time to investigate and hopefully try and fix it than if you started trying nearer 30 - and after 40 there really is a significant decline in fertility.

I had my first kid at 32 and was among the youngest in my group of mum friends (affluent/professional women, high cost of living area). Of the mums I know over 35 with male partners, it’s about 50/50 IVF versus natural conception (I don’t know anyone who’s had success with IUI), although not all my friends who had IVF needed it for age related reasons (and indeed were generally having kids later than they’d planned because testing, egg collection, OHSS, miscarriages, finances, and the general emotional toll of infertility and then undergoing fertility treatment all take time).

Honestly, while I wouldn’t be panicking just yet at 28, if you’re in a reasonably good position to do so (and what amounts to that is a really personal, subjective thing), I would be looking to start trying around 32-33 if you want more than one. It will probably be fine if you don’t, but I think it’s better to have a baby slightly earlier than you’d have preferred than risk not being able to have one/have as many as you wanted (this is pretty much what I did, and ended up getting pregnant at the height of covid, and right after my (very small, socially distanced) wedding. Would I have preferred to do my big wedding reception without a six month old in tow, and to have had a proper honeymoon? I mean it would have been nice, but I’m still glad on balance that I didn’t wait ).

 

[littlegrain]

@tomcat4260 Everyone has different fertility. I started trying at 35, and got pregnant at 37 and delivered at 38. I saw an RE and was diagnosed with hashimotos and endometriosis. I had surgery and was placed on meds and supplements. I had a failed IVF cycle and got pregnant 2 weeks later. My child is 4 months and he may be my only one. I would like another child at 39 or 40 but that may not happen.

 

[lissy87]

@tomcat4260 Agree with everything others have said so far. Only wanted to add that another factor to consider is the likelihood of genetic abnormalities with older eggs.

 

[gokj316]

@tomcat4260 Every one is so different so there’s no way of knowing how easy or hard it will be for you unfortunately. We are both 27 and otherwise healthy but we are on our 14th month trying with unexplained infertility I know people in there late 30’s that have conceived within the first year with no issues so it’s a complete gamble!

 

[folashade]

@tomcat4260 Go with freezing your eggs now. At 38 I didn't have any viable eggs and had to buy donor eggs. That was 7 years ago and $15,000 just for 7 eggs.

 

[loraine]

@tomcat4260 I think you’ll find lots of stories that people had no issues, no complications and other who had issues and complications, unfortunately it’s not one size fits all and not something you can predict

 

[doppelgank]

@tomcat4260 My opinion is very biased as I've been diagnosed with DOR ( diminished ovarian reserve) meaning i have very few eggs even for the age I am. This is a huge bummer and means wildly expensive IVF. If i could jump in my time machine I would consider doing the following: a basic fertility work up including a vaginal ultrasound, and hormonal testing (TSH, LH, FSH, progesterone, estrogen, and AMH) If these were abnormal I would have frozen my eggs STAT because you can never get more eggs

 

[yclaire01]

@tomcat4260 Get your AMH blood work done yearly and give that info to a fertility doctor to review.

 

[tomcat4260]

@yclaire01 Thank you! I’ll do this for sure.

 

[athens]

@tomcat4260 Have you looked into going abroad to freeze eggs? There are many great all inclusive programs in Spain / europe for example that are much much cheaper than the US and you get a vacation out of it!

 

[tomcat4260]

@athens I actually didn’t even realize that was an option and I’m glad that you’ve mentioned it! I’ve done a bit of research on it, and it actually looks like a very viable option for me. Others might not be so comfortable w/ the idea, but I’m an experienced international traveler and am educated on foreign health systems. Plus, I work remotely, so that makes things even easier. Thanks for this!