How do you do it

@katrina2017 Lmao this comment is not it. You sound very bitter, like someone who has personally stayed in an unhappy relationship “for your kids”. Staying in an unhappy relationship will do nothing to make life better for your kids, actually, studies have shown that that type of situation makes kids just as unhappy (if not more so) than if the parents split. Happy parents equal happy kids and vice versa.

You are a miserable person who wants to spread your own negativity and unhappiness to others and your “advice” is nonsense. I hope you can find happiness in your life so you can stop trying to bring others down.
 
@katrina2017 Funny how you comment a bunch of bullsh*t and then delete your comments immediately lol. You most definitely ARE miserable, that’s clear. You may have worked it out with your wife, but you’re clearly not happy or you’d be supportive instead of demeaning. Not everyone has a situation they can (or want to ) work out and that’s ok. Your judgment and “advice” is just ignorant. And honestly, I feel bad for your wife if this is the type of attitude she has to deal with day in and day out being married to you.
 
@lisa79 I became a single parent when my son was 1 and have about 80% custody. I was studying my Masters and working 4 days a week and things were hard. You don’t get much time for yourself and you just have to fit things in where you can. It’s always been a bit of a balance for me between putting my sons needs first but also recognising that as you say in one of your responses it’s really important to take care of yourself first so you can be the best version of yourself for your child.

I had to cut down and aimed for 3 gym sessions a week, 1-2 when he went to his dads and 1-2 where I would bring him, I don’t know if you have this over there (I’m in aus) but we have gyms with creche where your kid can for 1 hour? Like a little childcare within the gym. Every Saturday morning my son would go to creche while I did a workout, he was older than the other kids but he didn’t mind and it was important to me. Once he was about 7 he would come anytime and sit on the couches with an iPad while I worked out (it’s a female only gym and I was in the same room so it felt safe). Other than that I’d take him for a bike ride/scooter while I walked, and just tried to be as active as I could, and at the weekends we’d go for hikes together and by the time he was about 7 he was as quick as me so it was still good exercise for me (again depends on where you live I suppose). Now we go for lots of bike rides and he’s old enough to stay home for half an hour while I go out for a morning walk, and I have gym equipment in my house. Could you slowly get some second hand and have a dedicated workout space in your new house?

School drop offs etc are hard when you’re working, flexible bosses and workplace are a must for single parents. It’s definitely hard if you’ve only just started. Can you offer to work later the night/s that she will go to her dads to make up for it? Or do you have anyone who could take her to school a couple of days a week so you can get there a bit earlier? A teenage babysitter, or another school mum? We have something called family day care here and some kids go to that in the morning before school, it’s like a registered day care provider who operates out of their house - is there anything similar?

Take every moment of alone time you can get for exercise/socialising/relaxing - whatever you need. And don’t feel bad about it. It’s hard but also doable, and my son and I have such a good bond just being the two of us.
 
@katrina2017 Thank you so much. I won’t let anyone make me feel guilty about taking care of myself lol. I don’t know why some people look down on moms who are concerned about self care, but it makes me happier and healthier, which benefits my daughter!

I think I do have a gym with childcare in town, so I’ll look into switching. My daughter and I are also super close and I’m really looking forward to making that bond even stronger when we move out. Her dad only puts in bare minimum effort to play with her or spend quality time with her so I’m sure it’ll be even worse once we move out, but whatever. It’s his loss honestly.
 
@lisa79 100%, it’s literally in your daughters best interests to take care of yourself. I would take my son to the creche for an hour every Saturday morning and not feel one little bit of guilt. I was way more patient with him, and just happier overall, if I got my workout in!

Hope the gym with the child care turns out to be a good option for you! And yes as you say it’s his loss, it’s sad but obviously you can’t control what someone else does. Just support your daughter emotionally through that, and remember they only need one secure attachment to thrive.
 
@lisa79 I’m a single mom to a 2yo. Well, moving will be a hell of a workout with a kid, so that’s free gym sessions in your day. Focus on getting yourself grounded at your new place, then think about the gym. Moving is actually very physically demanding. I moved with my daughter last year and it’s doable, start boxing every day and organize it as much as you can to make your job easier.

Then working out; the dad will probably have some time with her since you’re moving away, use those days for self care days. I personally incorporate workouts into my time with her, I do yoga with her (she thinks it’s so funny), I go for walks/trails, I did a workout video and just let her play next to me. Lots of ways to get creative. Some gyms have childcare options or child mining too - mostly rec centres.

I wouldn’t worry too much! It’s going to be okay, every new chapter can be a bit unnerving but you know this is for the best. Feel free to send me a DM if you ever need to chat about it, you got this!
 
@johnnyreno13 Thank you so much for your thoughtful response! And for the helpful advice. I appreciate it more than you know. It’s very stressful thinking about everything and I appreciate the support!
 
@lisa79 The only way I was able to do it was by organizing my life in a way that made it possible. I moved to an area with better schools and a relatively cheap after school care program. Soon after that, I started looking for jobs close to my house and landed a job that is 80% remote five minutes from my house. The job was in person for the first six months during my trial period so my father was in the after school program during that time. After that was over, I pulled her from that because of the cost (I went into a lot of debt paying for it but would not have been able to get the job that I have now).

On school days, I drop my daughter off at 740, go home and make coffee and start work at 8. I take my lunch at 145 to pick her up and then work from home the rest of the day from 245 to 5. I have my daughter every day except every other Saturday so I can't get away to the gym or anything like that but it works well for me otherwise.
 
@lisa79 I put a home gym in my house, and it made it a lot easier. My daughter saw me using it almost every day, and it led to using it every day. If that is an option for you, I definitely recommend it. I got my daughter started out with me doin light weight training and mostly calisthenics and stretching when she was younger, now she gots her own equipment and everything. Just if you're going to have them work out with you, wait until their older, like 7 or 8 at the youngest. Make sure you watch them and dont let them get too crazy but yeah, it's honestly a really good bonding experience if you're able to set up something like that. If you cant set up a home gym honestly hate say it but youll just have to keep doing what your doing and fitting it in when you can, with somedays not going at or maybe just getting a quick 15 to 30 min workout in and calling it good. It definitely will get easier once she is in school cause they you'll be able to get things done while she is there.
 
@lisa79 My time for myself is when mine are asleep, and I’m confined to the house. BUT I read, I work my second job 5 days a week, I’ll watch Netflix, bake, just lay and talk to my cats.

The gym you can possibly find time for on lunch hours if there’s one close by to your job. There’s one across the street from me, and my birthday present to myself is signing up to go on lunch 3x a week, and then to a different gym as a friend’s guest every other Sunday.

If I want to go out, I have to plan well in advance and find childcare. I recently got to have a 4day/3night stay at a friend’s house while my mom watched my kids. We’ve been on our own for almost 2 years, and I had never spent the night away from them. I’ve had maybe 6 evenings out since I left their father, which is more than I had before. (Meaning 0 nights out prior to leaving)

If I were you, I would make a spreadsheet of your expenses. All of them currently. Try to lowball your monthly income after taxes by a bit so you have extra money to put into savings after budgeting. Find everything that is necessary to survive and keep those on your spreadsheet! Find a range of apartments that are close to work and her school, put each of those in as options. See what you have left over each month.

Does her school have a before and after-school program?
 
@lisa79 I moved 3 hours away and have slowly moved into different jobs until I found one that could accommodate our lives best. Some jobs made it hard, others made it easier. Before and after school care are a big help if you need them. Ymca does offer childcare for those going to the gym, but the gym membership is really expensive. If you have any acquaintances that have responsible teenagers that need some small pocket money, I would recommend using them for an hour to babysit so you can go to the gym or a you night and use before school care to get to work on time. Make sure your paychecks cover well over your bills before you move! Best of luck!
 
@lisa79 Some YMCA’s have free childcare. the only time I have found after drop off- long lunch or on non custody days. so it sucks but the happiness keeps the lbs off
 
@lisa79 Oh you won't have any time. As for money.... Easy come easy go. I have a 5 year old daughter. Live in a major city where rent is impossible for a 2 bedroom. I make decent money too.

At least the father is involved. Mine is not.
The frustration of not being able to have any freedom is tough. My family is in another state, so on holidays she visits. It's not enough time to build up a new routine I could carry on while she is here.

I wish you good luck.
 
@scolastica I’m sorry your situation is so tough. I know that I’m lucky to have her dad involved and I’m sorry everything has been 100% on you without support. I know every situation is different, and I can understand the frustration that I sense from your comment, but I want to do everything I can to continue doing things that I enjoy that keep me sane and healthy. I hope you can find some balance in your life too mama. We all need it. Hang in there
 
@fueledbyfaith It’s a long story. Nothing like cheating or abuse (thankfully) but the same issues over and over. I don’t want to reconcile. As upsetting as it is and as unfortunate it is because there’s a child involved, it’s better this way.
 
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