How Do I Stop Being a Cranky B*tch

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kaleidoscopeheart

New member
Edit/update: wow, thanks everyone for this delightfully overwhelming response. I have needed this encouragement so desperately, and it is appreciated. I made this post last night after a really long week, and I needed this. Sorry I can’t respond to everyone, though I am reading all the comments.

It helps knowing i’m not the only one, and I love everyone’s suggestions. I went to dinner with hubs tonight and we had some good convo. Basically, we’re both going to work on me taking care of myself and getting some time to myself. We’re also going to get on the same page about different techniques with managing our toddler’s behavior. It’s tough to feel like you’re completely rewriting the playbook that your parents used for you, which is where I’m at with raising my toddler. But we’ll figure this out!

My hubs does 95% of the totally house cleaning (I do bathrooms and kitchen/dishes), 100% of the laundry, and 100% of the yard work. He comes home and typically drops his things to play with the kids - he’s great. But his inability to extend me some grace is my biggest issue I have with him. We’re working on it, but I also need to extend this grace and to myself, and to him.

The childcare is tricky. According to local mom groups, all the daycares are struggling with staffing. We love our daycare, and don’t really want to change. But it’s just a kick in the ass right now. I might be going to a different preschool next year so maybe it’ll be better by then.

Again, thank you all ❤️ this is and has been my favorite sub for a while, and this is one really big reason.

🟡🟡🟡🟡🟡

I work full time in a fairly stressful job- dealing with customers all day. It is fully remote. My 2.5 year old is supposed to go to daycare, but between his sicknesses and daycare straight up closing because of staffing and calls off, he rarely has a week where he goes each day.
I also have a 9 month old that I lost babysitting for (9month old has a different arrangement than daycare) and haven’t found another option for him yet, so he’s at home with me. Usually nursing while I’m on the phone.

My 9 month old sleeps pretty great, but has been having an early wake up that’s cruelly one hour before I have to get up, so I’m losing some sleep.

I manage all the appointments for the house, grocery shopping and total cooking. This ISNT a shit on my husband post- he’s amazing and totally pulls his weight.

I’m just so tired, and I know I’m a cranky bitch anymore. My husband tells me I’m no fun to talk too anymore, I can’t take a joke, I take everything too seriously and sensitively. And truly, I know he’s right. But idk any solutions. I work out 3 times a week, I’m trying to engage in positive behavior, but I’m just feeling numb and sinking.

My toddler is challenging- as toddlers are. He’s obsessed with pulling his diaper of, throwing tantrums. Nothing out of the norm, but I’m at a loss for discipline. My parents spanked me, and I don’t want to continue that. But idk what to do otherwise and I feel so frustrated.

Idk what I need from this. I just don’t know how to cheer up. It’s easy to say “get therapy” but it’s hard to find the time. But maybe I need to try harder. Therapy isn’t going to change the fact that I got kids and work and life is kicking my ass right now lol

Anyway, thanks for reading.
 
@kaleidoscopeheart You are not being a bitch, you are having a completely human reaction to being 100% depleted.

You need time for yourself. You need space to replenish your energy. You need a weekend away - at least.
 
@kaleidoscopeheart I mean….you don’t. It’s not possible to stop being a cranky btch when you don’t have full time childcare (or even part time with your baby) while working full time. *Especially with a toddler and a baby!! Cut yourself some slack. Many of us did it during the pandemic…it is not sustainable. My 4 year old was home for 1 day this week sick and it drove me nuts when trying to focus and she’s mostly entertained by a tablet!

Focus your energy on finding a sustainable childcare setup (not saying you haven’t been, just that you really shouldn’t be working on your mood because being cranky is NOT something you’re just doing for funsies, the childcare is the main issue).

ETA: and in the short term- go get a hotel for a night and tell your husband you need 24 hours. Order takeout and lounge all night, have a martini at the bar, whatever sounds good for YOU.
 
@cocoon87 This should be top comment! I also WFH, and on the days when I have been forced to have either or both of my kids home with me, I am a f-ing WRECK by the end of one day. Childcare is magic! That would be my #1 priority if I were you, OP!
 
@kaleidoscopeheart Honestly this just sounds so hard. I think you need to give yourself a lot of grace. I would focus on finding more reliable childcare. That will make the biggest difference in your daily stress. Hugs mama.
 
@kaleidoscopeheart Sorry, but if you are the one doing cooking, shopping, appointments, and child care, and a job, and nursing - what does your husband do to pull his weight? Is he in charge of all the cleaning and laundry and searching for a better daycare and making a list of online therapy options covered by your insurance?

As far as tantrums - I told mine that they can definitely weep and scream, but they'll be even more comfortable weeping and screaming on my lap, while being hugged. After a while they tend to fall asleep.
 
@rosered7 I have an arrangement like this with my husband. I work more and longer hours, do all of the laundry, manage the mental load of scheduling all appointments, and most of the meal planning and prep. My husband does all of the execution. He drives our daughter where she needs to be and does all of the dishes and goes to the store to buy what I tell him we need. We split general house cleaning and yard stuff. It might not be 50/50 - I think he's actually spends more time than I do caring for our child - but I carry a heavier mental load, and so depending on how you look at it, someone could say "that seems unfair". It works for us - maybe OP has an arrangement like this.
 
@mornings11 This comment helped me let myself off the hook a bit for always having my husband do the running. But I also work longer hours, do all the laundry, a significant amount of yard work, and the meal planning and prep, along with the scheduling. Thank you human!
 
@alkoneronchikom Omg I was going to suggest duct tape but didn’t want anyone to come at me 😂

My daughter (now 7) was a diaper-puller-offer, and my daycare at the time once sent me a pic of her in a diaper with pink duct tape on it. They were outside doing a craft and so I appreciated her not ruining clothes…and for the tip 😂

Usually a onesie will suffice, but there are times when it just makes sense to only wear a diaper.
 
@kaleidoscopeheart You are carrying a very heavy load. Trying to take care of young children and work at the same time is stressful and draining. Finding better childcare if possible is the ultimate way out. Short term focus on getting as much sleep as possible, even if you go to bed at 8pm without doing much before.
 
@kaleidoscopeheart Honestly I was kind of the same. Just always feeling slightly bitchy. I am on a low dose of Wellbutrin now and it has totally taken the edge off and I’m way happier. Also I started lifting weights 6 days a week at home. So I think that has helped my mood too.
 
@tonythetruck This. Prescription drugs. I’ve been on edge and raging at my family since my daughter was born 4 months ago. I finally asked my PCP for help so I stop hating my family (husband and 4 year old).
 
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