How Do I Stop Being a Cranky B*tch

[mandy18]

@kaleidoscopeheart You are overextended and sleep deprived. You need any and all help to get enough rest. Can you leave chores go and go to bed when the kids do? Can you find any other daycare options? I can’t imagine regularly doing this. I’m sorry! It sounds so exhausting.

 

[nelvan]

@kaleidoscopeheart You’ve gotten some great advice already (this is normal, meds can be helpful). If you’re on Instagram, you might check out some OTs who focus on overstimulation as a parent. I have found it really helpful in calming myself. Steadyparents might be one?

 

[acedeck]

@kaleidoscopeheart Last weekend, my husband took first shift kid duty. I nursed baby at 6:30am as usual, then handed him off. Husband took him on a long walk. I slept until 8:30, woke up, made coffee and enjoyed having my house to myself. At 9:00, my boys came home with flowers. The extra rest alone radically changed my mood for the entire week.

 

[jfdersham]

@kaleidoscopeheart There’s nothing wrong with you. As the husband of a wife where we are in quite literally the same situation, almost to a T (girls instead of boys, same ages) it’s just hard as F. My wife is a hard charger and I give her all the credit in the world for the things she accomplishes, I really don’t know how she does it. It’s not that she makes it look easy, it’s that I appreciate the struggle because I’m there with her. Can’t enjoy the rainbows if you don’t get through the rain.

 

[nweikenkeze]

@kaleidoscopeheart Your husband kinda sounds out of touch and not aware of everything that's on your plate. I'm sure he would be a cranky bitch too if he had to do what you are doing. Like damn nursing alone is energy draining. I would just tell husband like bro, come on, Im in survival mode but it's just a season. Let's get through it together.

 

[tonyamartin]

@kaleidoscopeheart Those ages were the most difficult for me. When my kids were 6m/2.5-1.5/3.5, that year, I was pretty much an unholy monster. (It was also peak COVID for us).

Please be gentle with yourself, this phase doesn't last forever.

Sorry but that is super uncool for your husband to say that to you. You don't owe him good company. Keeping him entertained should not be ANOTHER thing on the already impossibly long list of things to do. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself sane and relatively healthy until your kids have a little bit more independence. It will get better.

 

[lisavega09]

@kaleidoscopeheart Re husband says you’re “no fun”:

Ask him to take both kids for a full weekend, while still doing all the household stuff. (Assuming he really is great, and that wasn’t to avoid “dump on husband” comments)

If he does it, he’ll understand; if he doesn’t (too hard or I need the weekend or whatever) remind him that you do it 7 days a week, PLUS working full time while dealing with the kids. That should be enough.

 

[hislittlelamb]

@kaleidoscopeheart I feel this so hard. I have no answers but am here for “bitchy” solidarity

 

[katrina2017]

@kaleidoscopeheart You’re doing good, mama. Sacrifice things if you can in order to sleep. For example, I don’t do my hair, nails, or put away laundry I just head to sleep at 8:15 and night after kids are down so I can conceivably get 7-8 hrs of sleep. Let the dishes soaks, leave things messy sometimes, this time will pass and it will get better. Hire more help if you can afford it? I hired a babysitter service where a sitter will show up if my nanny can’t be here or if daycare is closed. Sometime we get a person on time and it’s been a lifesaver. We also paid extra to get a better nanny who helps with housekeeping. I figure this will only be for a few years, but as long as I stay sane, I will continue to do this. I have no friends or family near me or available, so it’s all on me. I WFH with a high stress job and my husband works odd hours at a hospital. I feel like a single mom sometimes. Good luck to us both

 

[ralphmalph]

@kaleidoscopeheart Everyone is right. You need to give yourself grace. You need childcare and time to yourself. I get that way when there's too much on my plate, too. Even if your husband is pulling his weight that's still too much for two people. That snappiness you get is telling you that.

As far as dealing with toddler tantrums, I found not taking it personally at all and the tips in the book, "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" to be helpful.

 

[dfour]

@kaleidoscopeheart Also a cranky bitch over here!! My only advice is Zoloft.

But real talk this shit is hard and it's ok to be cranky. You won't be forever, I promise. Sometimes you need a few really solid wins for things to lighten up and for you to feel joy again.

Hang in there. It will pass!!!

 

[earthlyhope]

@dfour Zoloft has been great for me too. Working momming, all momming, is hard sometimes and it’s ok to get help

 

[vteasers]

@earthlyhope Zoloft was awesome, because it gave me HORRIBLE insomnia no matter when I took it. My house was super clean cause I cleaned in the middle of the night. I'd skip the meds when I got exhausted and sleep for 24 straight hours. For real though, zoloft was AWFUL for me. I was a walking zombie with a clean house.

 

[carterdraken]

@kaleidoscopeheart Get some anxiety meds and more reliable childcare. You are not alone. Big hugs.

 

[lifeisagift]

@kaleidoscopeheart Hello, Im a logical person. Maybe I can help.

Problem...

I dont think you are cranky, you are overwhelmed and do not have sufficient support. Even your own partner isnt being supportive and instead supports the idea you are cranky. Now how is that helpful?

If you put any other animal or human in your situation, would they struggle? Potentially yes. Its overwhelming.

Solution...

Sit down with partner or someone you trust and be honest. Cry if you need too. Release the emotions and talk through the stressors. When 'X' happens it makes me feel like 'Y'. When 'A' happens it makes me feel like 'B'. Etc etc. Do this for an hour. Block the time out on a daily basis. Flush all the crap out verbally then go work out. I assure you, you will feel better.

I did this when all my family turned their back on us due to their mental issues. I didnt have any viable support.

Your partner needs to understand this important. These signs of 'crankiness' will lead to something much worse if you both dont talk it through. These are very valid feelings humans feel but are not being discussed. They need to be talked about.

 

[ogunsina]

@kaleidoscopeheart It’s as if I wrote this post.. i try to find levity in those really challenging situations.. knowing nothing is permanent and time keeps going by. There’s only so much I can control and I should try to focus on my reactions rather than fixing the situation sometimes.

I feel like my days are FULL of up and downs but by the end of the day, my heart feels like it wants to burst when saying goodnight and I love yous to them. It’s exhausting and a lot for us working moms.

But we got this.

 

[tmcp]

@kaleidoscopeheart Sounds like you’re tired and need a break - can you take a couple days off and go to a spa? A couple nights of actual sleep can do wonders for a person.

I do love my therapist and my Prozac as well but sleep can turn you into a new person.

 

[jacobtherunner]

@kaleidoscopeheart When I feel like that, I have pity parties for myself. I buy all my favorite snacks, curl up with a favorite show and feel completely sorry for myself. Or, we get out of the house and do something we all enjoy.

 

[ryantgarant]

@kaleidoscopeheart Do u have any vacation days? I would take one and do a trip with the hubby fri and sat. This is assuming you have someone who can do 2 days to watch the kids. (Read the reliable care and wasnt sur wif that meant ever or more regularly)

Edit: you can take the youngest if you are still nursing.

 

[megs1289]

@kaleidoscopeheart Reading all the comments I don’t have anything to add. Just know you are definitely not alone. So here’s a big hug from one mommy internet stranger to another