@kaleidoscopeheart I'm sorry you are burnt out. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I came to offer a suggestion that you may not need. I am also in charge of meal planning/grocery shopping and it is a huge mental load for me. I started using eMeals to meal plan (small number of recipes presented to me each week, I pick what we want, it makes a grocery list and exports to your grocery pick up list) and only doing grocery pick up. This took a little bit off my plate. Just wanted to share in case it can help you.
I hope you get some good downtime to recharge soon, Mama.
@kaleidoscopeheart You're exhausted and rightly so. Give yourself some (ALOT) of grace. You're doing wonderfully and deserve mom of the year!
Tip: put your toddler in overalls. Or get him excited for potty training by putting him and his diaper in underwear that he gets to choose the character of.
Suggestion: When I was a young and exhausted mom with a toddler and infant I would straight up tell hubby that as long as life kept going as it was I would be overwhelmed, exhausted, and cranky. I'm sorry I'm not getting the jokes. I'm sorry I'm not fun to be around--but you know what they say... it's only for a season. Then I'd give him a kiss on the cheek. (But, sis! I didn't have to work and was still stressed and exhausted and overwhelmed!)
Maybe try to find a babysitter for a 4 hour span so you can nap and then go to a carefree dinner with the hubby.
@kaleidoscopeheart I feel like I could have written this. Our daycare never closes, but the constant sickness negates that (kids are just shy of 1 and 3). My job is understanding when I have to miss work, but it's not like the work goes away. I'm the only person in one of our main customer facing roles so when I miss work, then the next day I have eight hours straight of customer meetings where I have to be very jolly and 'on'. Couple that with the fact that our young dog got an all consuming sickness and died earlier this year and it's been so hard. All this to say I hear you and feel you so hard.
I found a way to squeeze in therapy every other week, but she literally told me the other day that the treatment plan that would help me and allow me to avoid medicine requires time on my end that I clearly don't have, so now I have to go on medicine so I don't blow up at my family every day.
Fwiw, zocdoc I found to be a good resource to find a therapist on our insurance.
I think it's just time and waiting it out, which sucks. Sending big hugs.
@kaleidoscopeheart Can family help? If not, I’ve heard (haven’t tried myself) of professionals called mothers helpers (if you live in the US)who can be hired to take on jobs. Also, I would outsource grocery shopping and anything else you can in the short term (if affordable)
@kaleidoscopeheart The absolute gall of you doing everything you described to the point of burnout and your husband complaining you are not “fun” anymore
@kaleidoscopeheart Fulfilling The constant needs of a tiny human, working, and taking care of your house/family with very minimal down time it’s exhausting. You are not being a B, you are being a great mom that’s has put her needs for last. Take a break or two, I take Radom days off bc if not I would loose my sanity, best of luck
@kaleidoscopeheart Make sure you and the husband schedule some time to go on dates. It might sound impossible now, and y’all might not have fun the first few times. However, if the two of you both take the time and make the effort to go out and enjoy yourselves, you will find it worthwhile. I recommend something like a dance class. Something you pay for in advance and then have to make a schedule for and commit to. It will sound stressful, but doing something like this will pay dividends later for your relationship.
@kaleidoscopeheart I almost could have written this. We have an almost 3 year old and six month old. To add, my brain is also in a fog due to sleep deprivation which is making work much more difficult and stressing me out.
I have made time for therapy (but not working out yet). For insurance reasons, I started with a new therapist about two months ago. She was really focused on building skills to help me navigate work, relationship issues, kids, etc. I basically just told her I didn’t have the capacity to make things better, I’m just trying to make it to bedtime each day. It didn’t help that she was single and without kids (and just not a great fit for me personality wise), so I’m starting with someone else next week who specializes in working with parents (from pregnancy/infertility to postpartum ). I very clearly told her I’m not yet ready to work on things and want more help digesting everything going on and offering a clear perspective. So I’m hoping it goes well!
All that to say, give yourself some grace, outsource whatever you can - if money can solve it, it’s not a problem. And give your kiddos and husband a hug.
@kaleidoscopeheart Looking after a baby and sometimes a toddler and cooking is a full time job already! Let alone having an actual full time job on top of this. I don’t know how you are able to do this. I’d have exploded from all the stress. I think it’s time to have a discussion with the husband about him at least cooking or taking sick leave to look after toddler
@kaleidoscopeheart I’ve been here and I sympathize with you. You’re overwhelmed at all the reliance on you with no break in sight. You work from home while caring for the kids and it probably feels like your trapped. Plus you’re breastfeeding and have two kids close in age, so you might be having a nutritional deficiency too.
Have you looked into a nanny coming to the house instead of relying on external care? It would probably cost the same if not a little less than two different facilities.
Go get a workup of your hormones and common vitamins like D, magnesium, and whatever else your doc recommends. Hormones being out of whack can be a big mood disrupter.
And like so many others recommended, take a break. Work it out with your husband so you can get a full 24 hour break. A nearby hotel is a great idea so you’re close for emergencies only. But do nothing except relax, read a book, take baths, etc. Self care 100%.
@kaleidoscopeheart Kids are really, really sensitive to parents stress and can start acting out as a stress response. Next time your toddler starts acting out or tantruming and you can feel yourself starting to feel stressed, tell your husband "I need a break" and go in the bedroom and close the door for 10 minutes. We have actually had to start doing this to model for our 5 year old, I have realized both my husband and I both aren't very good at dealing with stress and as a result our son has started acting out at school everytime he is frustrated or upset and getting in trouble for it His teacher has something called "chill out breaks" and kids can go to the "peace corner" and take a "chill out break" when they feel angry/frustrated. They can read a book, color, whatever to calm down for 10 minutes.
After a few parent teacher conferences, we have realized he is basically imitating us not handling external stressors very well, so now we model going to the "peace corner"(our bedroom or outside for a quick walk) and taking a 10-15 minute"chill out break". I even say it out loud-- "Mommy loves you very much but is feeling frustrated so I'm going to go take a chill out break " Your toddler is too young to realize he/she needs a chill out break, but it's good to model ways to deal with stress and will help you feel less stressed. Good luck!
@kaleidoscopeheart You’re not alone!! I work two jobs, 6 days a week, and currently my toddler is waking up every night between 3 & 4 am and is relentless until after I leave for work. I am losing sleep and have become an absolute social monster and I wish I wasn’t, I am just so. Fucking. TIRED all of the time.
@kaleidoscopeheart In the same boat. But I know the solution. Me time. But I am not able to get it. Today I tried. I need to take a walk in the morning. And then when I go to the same neighborhood park in the evening. It's abliss. Even with the mosquitos. I am dying to take an afternoon nap. Amd a good night sleep. I have not done my yoga for months ( it seems) now. You just need an hour of your 9 months old with someone else. And a leave from office. Today I shouted at my 5 year old because he doesn't understand. He kept running at full speed at the park and me and my 2.5. year old couldn’t pick up. He ran so fast and vanished in the crowd that I kept Waiting at one place for him to come back. After 3 -4 rounds I said we are going home sternly. With 2.5 year old in my arms because he was extremely tired to walk. 5 year old looked into me and ran away. I kept waiting at the same spot unable to see for sometime. Finally called my husband. Thank fully he was at home. As I asked him if the toddler was at home, the toddler walked into the house. Thank god my neighborhood park is safe. But I can't save him from falling from dogs. I shouted badly at him. At loss on how to communicate with him to make him understand. And has been shouted with everyone. He almost controlled his crying as I shouted. I feel so bad. Can't find any other way to connect with him. After my younger one cuddled into me elder one came and tried to cuddled up. Sh ejust needs my 1:1 time which I am not able to give. I didn't understand, I just started asking qs for the upcoming exam. And pretty early he left. He needs my love, the time before the younger one was born I had nothing else but him all the time. I never left his side. I am feeling very bad for not being able to provide him undivided attention.
@kaleidoscopeheart Just echoing others. This working mom life is hard, especially with no family or "village" in sight. My kids are 4 and 6, and for the most part sleep through the night, which is vital. I upped by Lexapro dose after my 4 year old was born bc I had major anxiety and depression pre-kids and postpartum. But I am still a cranky bitch from being overstimulated every day and from the rigamaroll of daily life. I need a lot of alone time at night to recharge and I take solo walks on the weekends to have a break.
