How do I set my wife up in a realistic way for our twins arrival in Jan…

@cinder7 Our first went to 41+2 and was born at 8lbs 2oz.

Our di/di twins were identified as IUGR at 31 weeks. They increased monitoring and I had my c-section at 36+4 days after it was clear they hadn't gained weight in nearly 3 weeks. They were transverse which they believed contributed to the growth restriction. At that point, they were safer coming out than staying in which I whole heartedly agreed with.

Twin A was 5lbs 4oz and Twin B was 4lbs 3oz. I panicked seeing their sizes. It was an insane weekend and since I was a repeat mom, they permitted me to leave after 24hours. They even said that twin A could come with me. Twin B needed more support and stayed in the NICU for an additional 8 days. She basically needed to figure out how to feed which is totally normal in these scenarios.

What I've learned from this experience is that size doesn't mean as much as people think. It's maturation. They wanted to keep my twins in as long as they could to mature even if they weren't gaining significantly. However, once they passed that 36 week mark, it's fair game.

The thing is that as she gets closer and closer, her opinion may change as well especially coupled with medical advice. A twin pregnancy bestowed so much additional fear in me for some reason. I only wanted to do what was best for them and listened to my doctors.
 
@cinder7 My singleton was born at 40+4 at 9lbs 5oz. So a pretty big baby. My twins were born at 38+2 at 6lbs 8oz and 6lbs 12oz. I was hopeful I would go until 38 weeks and it worked out. But my twins were still a lot smaller than my singleton.
 
@cinder7 My dr wanted me to get to at least 36 weeks with 38 being ideal. I went into the hospital at 32.5 dilated to 4cm and gave birth at 33.2 because no amount of medication would keep those babies in. They were ready, my body was ready. I was not. I was in the hospital on bed rest being pumped full of medications to stop preterm labor and it still wasn’t enough. It kind of just happens. They were a little over 4lbs each. Spent almost a month in the Nicu. My younger sister was pregnant at the same time as me with twins and made it to 36 weeks.
It depends on your body and when the babies decide to come.
 
@cinder7 I was determined mine would be 37 weeks, 7 lbs babies. I just knew I could get there. I mean, I was GT 🤣. I say that in jest, but I’m very Type A and just knew I could do all the right things to beat the odds. Yeah, I was hospitalized at 28+2 and had an emergency delivery at 31+6. It was and still is traumatic because I felt like such a failure. I tell you this not to scare you but to give you something to be prepared for helping your wife deal with if it happens differently than she plans. My boys are now 15 months actual/13 months adjusted and are both on the regular growth chart. A little Speech delay, but no cognitive issues. I think you’re being a great partner even trying to think through the issues ahead of time. Wishing you and your wife a long, uneventful pregnancy!
 
@cinder7 I was induced at 39 weeks and twins were 7.5 each. My older two singletons were 9lb 6 oz and 11 lbs - it’s definitely possible, especially if they’re di/di and spontaneous.
 
@cinder7 I was pretty mentally committed to wanting big healthy babies (aren’t we all?) but in the end you just don’t have that much control.

I think it’s ok to just be supportive though. The last few weeks are so hard, and there will be moments she will mentally just want to beg for them to get out so having some stubbornness around the issue probably isn’t that much of a bad thing really. We all need something to cling to in those hard moments and spite or stubbornness helped me, so maybe it will help her, haha.

For what it’s worth, I’ve had 2 sets, both vaginally. First set was 38+1 and 6 lbs and 6 lbs 8 oz with an induction. Second set was 37 exactly, 7 lbs 6 oz and 6 lbs 11 oz. So they cooked less and came out bigger. There’s a lot of randomness at play here. But they were all very healthy and didn’t need NICU. You read a lot of scary stories but there’s plenty of us with normal weight births, there’s just less reason to talk about it. So I’d just try and stay positive.
 
@cinder7 I had the same first birth experience and baby size as your wife. For the second experience, I made it to 37+1 before 1 water broke. No labor whatsoever so C-section 12 hours later. My babes were 8.5 and 7.5 pounds. 38+2 seems plenty late and believe me, she’ll be soooooo ready to have those babies out. The last month(s?) are torture.
 
@cinder7 My di-di twins were born at 37w4d. We were going to try for 38w4d but I was dilated enough my OB was worried about me going into labor.

By 36w they each measured about 6.5 lbs, and I had a LOT of joint and especially hip pain. But at birth a week later, Twin A was only 5lbs 13oz, while Twin B was over 7 lbs.
 
@cinder7 Baby A was over 8lbs and baby B was just shy of 6lbs. It’s definitely possible for her to have larger babies especially if she’s had larger babies in the past.
 
@cinder7 I'd just hope she's right and leave it at that. My wife was due with twins in January of 2021, but we knew pretty early that wasn't going to happen. We were expecting an emergency c section, but it was still a shock when it happened. You can only really play it by ear. Celebrate the growth with her and try not to focus on the size and numbers unless it brings her comfort to see them grow in a quantitative way. There's also a lot of unhealthy pressure on moms to have a "good" or "normal" pregnancy, so be careful and considerate of what she might be feeling around all this.
 
@cinder7 Its definitely reasonable to want to make it to 38 weeks. I delivered at 38+1 and mine were 6 lbs 12 oz and 8 lbs 1 oz. Im 5’11 and have a long torso. I think she should focus on making it as close to 38 weeks as possible and not focus so much on the size of the babies.
 
@cinder7 It never hurts to have bags packed regardless of demands. From my personal experience, my MFM doctor originally wanted to schedule 38 weeks c-section. My OB, who I chose because of their multiples delivery history, said she rarely has moms make it past 37 weeks and would recommend that instead so that’s what we scheduled. By 32-33 weeks, our MFM decided we should do 37 weeks which we were already at thanks to the amazing OB. I went into labor the night before my scheduled c but since it was my first kids and very early stages, it didn’t affect the surgery. Babies were 5 lbs 8 oz and 6 lbs 7 oz. Just to keep in mind, I was born at 40 weeks 5 lbs 6 oz. Small doesn’t mean unhealthy. She’s also likely to change her tune of wanting to wait once they start getting bigger. I was READY for them to come out by 35 weeks.
 
@cinder7 I think the math on my twins was just over 14lbs of babies in there at 38 weeks. Planned c section. They were never even close on the estimates at the ultrasounds, like a few lbs off overall
 
@cinder7 I had my girls at 36+5. I couldn’t wait any longer because I had cholestasis and pre eclampsia. They were both sitting transverse, so I had to have a C-section because there was no other way to get them out. They came out at 7 pounds 6 oz and 8 pounds 6 oz. I am so, so glad I didn’t go any longer than that. One twin had a short NICU stay but that’s only because she inhaled fluid at birth and had nothing to do with when she was born. Her twin sister was just fine and required no NICU time.
 
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