How am I ever going to feel ok moving my firstborn to her own room?

[offenbarung]

We are relatively new to cosleeping and we don’t do it every night, but my 18 month old has been in my room since birth. She slept in her crib for the first year and on bad nights she’d sleep in my bed but I’d remain awake because my mom-anxiety couldn’t let me sleep with her. After 12 months, we dropped our bed to the floor and we started to cosleep more often (like 1-2 nights a week). Well, now I’m pregnant with our planned second. The plan was always to transition our daughter to her own room when I got pregnant so that the move wasn’t associated with the new baby taking her place.

Well… something in my hormone-addled brain has cracked and now I can’t even put her in her crib to sleep. We’ve been cosleeping almost nightly now. It doesn’t help that she’s recently had two ear infections, cut two incisors, and gotten sick, but I just plopped her down in her crib after she fell asleep and I’M the one crying about it. She’s fine. She doesn’t seem to care whether I’m present or not right now.. she’s just happy to not fall asleep in her crib. I just literally can’t imagine moving her to her room now and I’m panicking about how I need to move her somewhat soon. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Our living situation is different than most. My husband travels for work 6 days a week, but is sometimes gone for 14 days straight. It’s just me at home during that time as the sole caregiver for what will be both kids. I’m the only person there for bedtime and nighttime and I just have no idea how I’ll manage that.

Sorry for the wall of text.. I’m just not sure how to get past this.

 

[christlike777]

@offenbarung Do you have to move her? Why not just cosleep with both?

 

[porcelainchild]

@christlike777 Probably because she doesn't want the baby to wake up the toddler

 

[christlike777]

@porcelainchild Ahhh I see. That makes a lot of sense, usually the toddler wakes up my baby and it still sucks

 

[offenbarung]

@christlike777 I’ll definitely be cosleeping with the toddler and roomsharing with the baby until they’re old enough to safely cosleep too after my husband goes back to work. I’m worried about the newborn phase disturbing my toddler at first though. She sleeps really well and I’d hate to ruin that by waking her every 3 hours with the newborn.

 

[sangotunhienst]

@offenbarung My baby doesn't really cry at night. I'm not sure if that's normal or not? My partner no longer wakes up when baby and i shift around after the first few weeks. For diaper changes, I kinda just use the light from the streetlight out the window but was looking into a small red nightlight, apparently it affects sleep less. I think it really depends on the baby but if they just kinda grunt to signal they're hungry like mine I think it would work

 

[katrina2017]

@offenbarung First things first, don’t panic! Just when you think you know your kids, they switch up on ya! It’s very likely she’ll take to the crib by the time you have your baby.

That being said, you can cosleep with both. It’s not ideal (and sometimes not recommended) but you can have your toddler on one side with a guard rail and baby on the other. Or you can have baby in the bassinet and toddler in bed. Obviously there may be interruptions and it will be an adjustment at first but I’ve known families who do this.

The other option is a floor bed/montessori bed for your toddler. You can lay them down and sneak away that way, not as jarring of a transfer as the crib.

 

[offenbarung]

@katrina2017 Thankfully, the move into her own room would be a switch into a floorbed because the crib will stay in my room for babe. She sleeps really well and has no issues falling asleep regardless of me being there or not. It’s silly because it’s like I have break the cosleeping habit in MYSELF and not her.

 

[petronoris]

@offenbarung I totally made my first child co-sleep; I get it!

 

[almighty369]

@offenbarung Hi! I have a 13 month old and a 1 month old. My eldest has coslept since she was born. She also still nurses to sleep. I didn’t want to kick her out of our bed because she clearly isn’t ready to sleep independently yet but we knew we wanted to cosleep with our newborn too. Our solution was what my husband calls the “family crib” lol. We have our bed on the box spring on the floor and a crib with one side taken off pushed up against (and secured to) the bed. Then we have bedrails on one side and the foot of the bed. (Really they’re just to contain my 13m old at bedtime because she can get on and off the bed now by herself) Newborn sleeps in the crib, me next to her, and the 13 month old in between my husband and I.

Not exactly the same situation as you but my husband works a night shift until 3am so I also do bedtime by myself. I’ll be honest it has been rough at times but it’s because we’re struggling with some gas issues with the newborn so sometimes it takes a while to get her to sleep. On days that she’s feeling okay it’s really not that bad! Tonight I had them both asleep by 7:50 which is an improvement from most nights this last week. Here’s what’s currently working okay for me: I get both of them in bed with me, change diapers and into pjs, then I give my toddler some books to read. She loves books so she will “read” them independently for the most part or I will read them to her if I have a free hand for the book. We have a few stuffed animals for her to play with too. You could use whatever toys/things you wanted. I get the newborn settled first because if I don’t she will just cry. Sometimes I try to let her hang out in the swing or bouncer, she will tolerate those maybe 20% of the time lol. Then I get the 13 month old to sleep. There have been a few occasions where the infant was taking so long to get to sleep that my toddler would get overtired and fussy and I couldn’t keep her occupied with the books/toys. In these instances I let her watch Ms. Rachel or a video of fish swimming with music. I hate doing that because I never wanted to give her screen time until at least 2, but… it has been better than her crying until I can get to her to nurse her to sleep. I just tell myself it’s not every night, only when I really need it. Definitely not an ideal situation, but it’s what’s working for us right now. As the infant gets older it should get much easier. You might have a better situation too depending on your babies and how they get to sleep/their temperament. I know how rough bedtime is by yourself… even with just one. If you ever need to vent/talk about it, feel free to message me. I know we’re strangers but I can totally sympathize for your situation. I can’t imagine how hard it is to have him gone for long periods too!

This comment is longer than I intended so sorry about that! Congratulations on your pregnancy! You’re going to have so many sweet moments to look forward to with your babies together. It truly is so precious.

 

[offenbarung]

@almighty369 Thank you so much for taking the time to write that out! It’s nice to hear from someone in a somewhat similar situation. It’s very daunting to be the sole caregiver at bedtime. It’s already so chaotic with just my daughter, lol. She’s bad at transitions and bedtime has always been a struggle for her. I’m hoping the newborn is less intense about it. I’m lucky in that my 18 month doesn’t really need to cosleep, I guess. She’s perfectly fine sleeping on her own without me. I’m the problem, lol. I’m just not ready to move her, even though she’d be totally fine either way. I currently lay down with her to fall asleep but it’s honestly only because I’m so tired by the end of the day that I need to sleep. She doesn’t care whether I’m there or not.

 

[taejon]

@offenbarung I have a 14mo old who slept in a bassinet next to my bed the first 4 months, then moved to her room where I currently sleep with her on a floor bed. For a while, I co-slept out of necessity, but now she’s totally fine sleeping alone, but I can’t sleep when I’m not next to her anymore

I tried to sleep in my bed the other night and tossed and turned for two hours, constantly checking the monitor, before giving in and joining her in her bed. Sigh.

I think it’s just going to take time. Can you start the night in your bed and then bring her to bed at a set time? Then maybe push that time back an hour or so every few days? Doing it gradually may be easier.

 

[offenbarung]

@taejon This is a good idea, honestly. I could definitely do something like that. She sleeps like a log so transferring her is easy regardless of the time! I didn’t think about doing it slowly like that but it might make it feel less jarring (for me).

 

[petronoris]

@offenbarung We have a king bed on the floor that fits myself, my husband, and our two kids. Big brother is 3 and falls asleep in between Daddy and I and is moved to one side of the bed, and little brother nurses to sleep on the other side of the bed. My husband and I sleep next to each other in the middle for a while until big brother wakes and flops in between us. My plan is to move both the boys when the baby (now 1) is two ish into their own bed together, and then just expect one or both of them to toddle into our room when they wake up until they eventually stop waking up.

We started this when little brother was a newborn, and big brother was just barely 2.

All I would change before baby is born is move your older child to in between you and your husband or to his side of the bed if you sleep with her on the “nursing edge” of the bed.