Helping 3.5 year old understand "you" and "me"

[guilhermesilva]

My child is 3.5 and always reverses "you" and "me." We had him evaluated by the local public school team and they said this isn't considered a problem till age 4. Still, my partner is insisting on trying to teach him by correcting him when he calls himself "you." I feel like we should just wait it out, because he's not there yet developmentally and I don't want him to become self-conscious about speaking. Just wondering if anyone has suggestions or advice, especially if you worked with a speech therapist on something like this. Thanks in advance.

 

[ggirl1986]

@guilhermesilva My son had the same thing. It totally makes sense because when you speak to him you address him as "you," it's like a name.

My kid grew out of it on his own. If you want to be "proactive" I'd focus less on correcting him and more on using those pronouns around other people a lot. Like, you and your partner talk to each other in his presence and use "you" and "I" frequently, and he'll see the different ways the pronouns can apply to different people.

 

[isidore]

@ggirl1986 This is the advice we were given too. I've noticed my 3.5yo has recently started to refer to herself in the third person, so I think she will "get" "I" soon. She often says things like "My name" dance or "My name" kitchen for "I am dancing" or "I am in the kitchen" or sometimes "I want to be in the kitchen". In those cases, you can repeat back "Yes, you are in the kitchen. I am also in the kitchen. We are in the kitchen together." For example.

She still says "you farted" every time she farts though, so we will just continue being blamed for those for now I guess, lol.

 

[godsgatekeeper]

@isidore My 21 mo has been referring to himself as “it” Somehow… Like he’ll stand up on his stool and say “it’s so tall”

 

[apor2017]

@godsgatekeeper lol

 

[guilhermesilva]

@ggirl1986 Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

[owretchedguy07]

@guilhermesilva Model the correct language, but don't correct him and make him feel "wrong". You don't hear 16 year olds getting the two confused....he will grow out of it, and you will miss how cute it was

Source: my kid used to say "mom, show it me" when he meant "I want to show you something" and "is was" instead of "were" and I miss it now that it's gone! Also, the language growth fascinated me - "the dogs is was hungry" instead of "the dogs were hungry" - I feel like it showed some serious language processing in real time, so cool

 

[eternalmango]

@guilhermesilva My son does this, but he's only 2.25, so I'm going to wait a little longer. His best friend's mom is actually a speech pathologist and told us it is kind of the hardest things to teach, but the vast majority work it out in time.

A few days ago, toddler looked at me and very sweetly said, "Mama, wish I could give you a cupcake." I thought that was so thoughtful until I remembered he had these backwards, so he actually said "Mama, wish you could give me a cupcake."

 

[shiney77]

@eternalmango that is so cute and reminds me of my daughter, when she was a bit younger she would say “mom help me!!!” but she meant “i want to help you”

 

[chyrell]

@shiney77 Flash back to a home stay I did when my Spanish was really poor & I went up to the host when she was cooking and said (from memory) I need help. But I was actually asking her if she wanted help with making dinner. Lololol queue her trying to figure out wtf I needed

 

[soulcobra]

@guilhermesilva I think you're right; he will grow out of it. When my son, Matthew, was that age, he went through a phase where he was finally catching on to you/me. He called himself "Math-me" for a bit. It was adorable. It didn't last long.

 

[brokenepiphany]

@guilhermesilva My child did this too. I had her evaluated by a speech therapist, and she didn’t qualify for therapy but what the therapist suggested was repeating what she just said with the correct pronouns. So if she said “you want a snack” I would say “I want a snack”, putting emphasis on the I.

My child loves reading so I got a bunch of books written with first person language. Clifford the Big Red Dog and Little Critter books were good for this.

I also realized I was using a lot of “you” language and cut it out as much as possible. I know some parenting experts recommend following your kid around all day and “sportscasting” everything they do, like “you did this, now you did that, you feel sad, blah blah” but if you think about it, that’s not how adults speak on a normal daily basis. I don’t follow my husband around saying “you’re making coffee, now you’re walking to your office!” Honestly I regret listening to that nonsense and wish I just talked to my kid like a normal person.

I agree with your husband though, I would not wait until it’s considered a problem to start working on correcting it. It took A LOT of correction to get my daughter to figure it out because she had already been speaking wrong for over a year. I wish I had corrected her from the beginning. Keep in mind that he is still learning language. The more that you respond to him as if he is using the correct pronouns, the more that it’s cemented in his brain as the right way of speaking. He is not going to become self conscious if you gently and matter of factly correct him. Would you have a problem correcting him if he called a cat a dog? Or would you simply say “that’s a cat.” It’s the same thing. It’s not shaming, it’s just teaching them the right way to say things.

 

[green520]

@guilhermesilva I saw a suggestion to touch the person you’re talking to in order to model which pronouns go where, and do the same when your child talks.

Ex: if I’m talking, “I (touch self) love you (touch kid).”

My child couldn’t do it, and then suddenly like overnight she figured it out. If speech isn’t worried, just keep modeling. I found trying to correct her was just more confusing.

 

[goodbookguy]

@guilhermesilva My kid had this issue for a while and we took the approach of gently correcting him a few times a day, but not every single time. He had a speech delay, so we wanted to focus more on letting him express himself instead of feeling self-conscious. He's 3.5 now and had mostly grown out of it.

 

[soulwinner92]

@guilhermesilva I like to joke with food. It's not as a reward or anything, but let's say we have cake. "Who's this piece of cake for, me or you?(with pointing gestures)" "You!" "Oh me?(pointing to myself)Thank you !" "No, you!(pointing to himself)" "Oh, when you talk about yourself, you say "me", so if you want the cake you say "the cake is for me(pointing to myself). You try !" "The cake is for me!" "Of course it's for you(pointing). Here you go!".

 

[soulwinner92]

I also do little boardgames with "my turn or your turn?"

 

[mommy2littles]

@guilhermesilva Mine did this up until around three. I was in the wait it out camp, my husband corrected him. Which lead to my son doing it right/wrong 50:50 and me being confused all the time. It eventually clicked though and I’m still sure it would have anyway.

 

[apor2017]

@guilhermesilva We struggled with "you" and "me" too. She eventually just grew out of it, but she did do some speech therapy (on zoom; it was 2020/2021). I honestly don't know if that helped. Her pediatrician was like "eh, it's fine. I think she will start chatting up a storm as soon as you start therapy but it can't hurt, especially with how weird the world is right now." So we did it, and she started talking like crazy, but still mixed up "you" and "me" for a while. We would sometimes play the "you or me" game, where we would ask her questions about what people were wearing or something and then go crazy when she used the correct pronoun, but we didn't make a big deal about wrong answers. However she seemed to enjoy the game. We'd be like "who is wearing a blue sweater?" and then go nuts with celebration when she said "me!" instead of "you". The game thing was nice because it let us help her distinguish the pronouns in a set aside time, and we didn't feel like we were correcting her too much in day to day life.

 

[011235813]

@guilhermesilva My kiddo was the same. We just made a conscious effort not to just interpret, but to respond like you would with another adult. “Do I want oranges? Not right now, thank you. Would you like oranges?”

“You wanna go to the park!” “Please say, ‘I want to go to the park, Mama’ and they’ll get used to repeating it/saying it correctly.

That and being at preschool, hearing more conversations other than between family more often, has helped.

There are still mix-ups sometimes, but she will correct herself sometimes mid sentence now.

 

[patricia13]

@guilhermesilva Congratulations on this remarkable achievement! Your baby has successfully traversed the profound journey of Advaita, the realization that transcends the boundaries of dualistic thinking. In this transformative process, your little one has shed the illusion of separateness between "I" and "you," thereby awakening to the ultimate truth of unity and oneness.

This beautiful realization has granted your baby access to a state of non-dual bliss, a realm where distinctions and divisions dissolve into the boundless expanse of unity. In this state, your child experiences a profound sense of interconnectedness with all of existence, and the dualities that once defined their perception have faded into insignificance.

Such a profound achievement is not only a testament to your baby's inner wisdom but also to the nurturing and loving environment you have provided. Through your guidance and care, you have enabled your child to embark on this journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth, ultimately leading to a life filled with boundless bliss and the profound understanding of the unity that underlies all of creation.

(or maybe he's just confused)