Help me think through this "silly" worry? [vacations + OAD not by choice]

[jamescen]

@kosherinchrist So I have siblings. My little sister’s best friend is an only and they’ve been best friends since they were in preschool. They’re still friends and their 30s.

None of us had a lot of money growing up but because they only had one child, they had more spending power. So they took my sister on a lot of amazing vacations. She got to go to the lake on weekends, and to amusement parks, and to the pool. And they just took my sister with them because she was their daughters best friend.

The two of them still choose to go on vacations with each other these days. Sometimes they bring their spouses, but not always.

I as the older sibling was always a little bit jealous, but it gave me some more one on one time with my own parents and so that kind of evened it out my mind.

Now, as I have my own only, I definitely try to do this. Especially because my daughter’s little best friends are starting to get siblings and are not getting as much special one on one time and their own little adventures because Mom’s is home with the baby. And of course they are toddlers. We’re not going to Disneyland lol. But I was able to take one of her little friends to a splash pad and out for McDonald’s last weekend and they had a blast and got to be the center of attention. We’ll go to the zoo later this month, and little places. Mom gets to have a break, and kiddo gets to have an adventure friend.

Honestly, I plan on continuing to do this as they grow up. If we’re able to manage it and the parents are OK I’m going to take them with us on adventures. Yeah it kind of defeats the purpose of having an only on some trips. But having the ability to choose if I have more than one kid with me makes it worth it.

 

[kosherinchrist]

@jamescen Love this--thank you for sharing! And I love that your sister and her friend go on trips together still. Appreciate your perspective.

 

[soviabef]

@kosherinchrist Oh gosh. I am so looking forward to taking my only on vacations. She gets super interested in space? Let’s go to NASA or see a launch. Likes dinosaurs? Let’s go to Wyoming to dig for a T Rex. She is studying Spanish? Let’s do a week at a kids camp in Mexico. Taking US History? Trip to East Coast.
At least one trip a year will be based on her interest. Would be rough to do with multiple children

 

[an8id]

@soviabef One of the things I really enjoy with my only, especially now in her teenage years, is making her part of the planning process for vacations. She helped pick our destination and some of our activities this year.

 

[soviabef]

@an8id I cannot wait to do this! She’s only 3 now haha so her vacations have been so directed by me but one day!

 

[kosherinchrist]

@an8id Love this idea..that sounds incredibly fun!

 

[snickeringfox]

@kosherinchrist I grew up going on vacations with my parents as an only child. I actually think I enjoyed the vacations more than my friends who had siblings because they would often complain to me how they were “stuck” with their sibling in a “buddy up” situation so their parents could do things or if there was a “kid thing” their sibling wanted to do like an amusement park ride usually they were forced to do that with their sibling if neither parent wanted to.

 

[kosherinchrist]

@snickeringfox that's a perspective I never considered, and could definitely see myself doing that as a parent of hypothetical two so this is really helpful and I appreciate you sharing!

 

[ashiedu]

@kosherinchrist Hey there. I am sorry for your loss and the things you have gone through health wise. I also have some similar concerns and love this community for the OAD support. My son is almost 2 and I never thought we would even have him, let alone another one, and now the OAD positives are overwhelming. I get what you mean about memories with siblings. You are lucky to have good ones because although the vacation parts are fun the fights in the car, sibling issues did not make for fun memories for me. I think bringing a friend along will be a great thing one day in the future, or meeting new friends on the trips etc. Just my two cents; thinking about these things as well.

 

[kosherinchrist]

@ashiedu Thank you so much for jumping in, and thanks for your kind words

 

[aisling1]

@kosherinchrist I'm an adult only child, and I feel like I got the best of both worlds. I got a lot of quality time with my parents (who are great company) and got to do more things than maybe we would have been able to do if there were lots of siblings. But my parents also had me invite friends along for camping trips and coordinated vacations with our close family friends and cousins. I always felt really cool getting to bring along a friend on a trip rather than an annoying sibling!

 

[kosherinchrist]

@aisling1 love this! Thank you!

 

[mandym]

@kosherinchrist I say this all the time……but, they will not know any different. You can’t miss something you have no real concept of.

I had amazing vacations as a only child. Lots of time spent exploring places with my parents. When I got older if I wanted to bring a friend along I had that option (and did on occasion).

Having one also makes it MUCH easier to travel. So much less cost for airfare, meals, entertainment.

 

[karenb53]

@kosherinchrist My husband is an only so his parents would bring his favorite cousin or a friend with them. Between that and his dog he says he has great memories of vacations growing up.

We're doing similar approach. Gotta say OAD makes it so much easier to travel. Even just traveling as the three of us is a lot of fun.

 

[relocksmith]

@kosherinchrist I was lucky enough to be taken to see the world as a kid, and what I remember more was the history, the beauty, the culture and the food and how in awe of everything I was - not my two brothers (who I love now, but didn't get on with as much as a kid). If I had to choose between not seeing the world at all and having a sibling, I would choose to see the world. Travel makes your life richer, I'm so grateful to have experienced it and I'm sure your daughter will be so grateful to you in the future too.

 

[kosherinchrist]

@relocksmith thank you

 

[fmc4auburn]

@kosherinchrist My husband, daughter and I rode with my cousin and her 3 children on a 9 hour drive recently. Her kids fought the entire time. When they weren’t fighting, they were ignoring. They didn’t hang out on the trip. They hung out with my kid and their other cousins. This is anecdotal of course but I’m guessing more commonplace than we think. I think kids get sick of their siblings. If you’re worried about loneliness let her bring a cousin or friend.

 

[user555555]

@kosherinchrist I am the middle child of three kids. I cannot say that I have any memories that stand out for such things that I would miss, but that's my own personal experience and I think that's the point I'm trying to make. Your child's experience will be unique, just as yours was. It wasn't necessarily because you had siblings that you had great vacations, not all adults with siblings share that experience and I think the same can probably be said for only children. Offering your child a chance to bring a friend is a great idea to offset this concern, but also taking into consideration your child's temperament and other aspects of the vacation like cousins or other vacationing with mutual friends that have kids. Good luck!

 

[kosherinchrist]

@user555555 thank you! I appreciate this perspective!

 

[namelesshero]

@kosherinchrist I went on tons of vacations as an only!! I always enjoyed them. I either would bring a friend or my mom would help me meet other kids my age during them to hang out with. I also always had a lot of fun with my parents as well if it ended up just being the three of us.