Help coping with the judgement

[carlee]

@johnsdani Thanks. I actually am Catholic and I know exactly what you mean (when I said in my post that we were taking precautions to prevent, I meant we were using very conservative and normally effective NFP (FAM) method with an instructor, so this only had about a 1% chance of happening (plus I’m 37 so I really didn’t think I was fertile enough for something like this to happen).

I do have lots of friends with large families and I know they will be supportive, you’re right. It’s my family and my husbands family that will give us grief. I shouldn’t be so sensitive to the opinions of my family, but unfortunately that’s a struggle for me.

 

[onetech]

@carlee A little solidarity- I’m unexpectedly pregnant with number four because of an imperfect cycle of NFP. (We were thinking of having another, but trying to a void at the time.) I’ve been doing NFP for years, and never had an issue until that one time my body decided to ovulate a week late. It was truly bizarre, but we’re already absolutely in love with this baby. My kids are SO thrilled, and it really takes the sting out of the snarky comments we get.

 

[carlee]

@onetech thank you so much for posting! We figure we got pregnant this cycle from pre-peak super sperm...it must have lived for like 6 or 7 days, because everything else checks out. I have never gotten pregnant accidentally while following a legit NFP method to the letter. (now, my third was a bit unplanned timing-wise because we were just doing whatever, but she also wasn't a surprise)

I asked my (third child, who was not exactly planned) 4 year old, hypothetically (since I knew she wouldn't figure out it was about an actual pregnancy), "what would you think if God decided to send our family another baby?" She thought for a second and then enthusiastically and sweetly said, "I think that would be VERY very good!"

it really, really helped to hear that.

 

[renob]

@carlee Congratulations! I'm only on #3 and have gotten so much snark; people are jerks sometimes.

Obviously you know this now, but our culture has sold women a bad bill of goods about our fertility. Yes, it's declining with age, but the average age women had their last child prior to the modern era (ie birth control) was 42. Also, once you've had 1 child, it's typically easier to get pregnant and carry to term subsequent pregnancies. A lot of the "over 35" scare is about women who have never had a child, and even then their odds of conceiving naturally within a year are still quite good until about 41.

Sorry, I know none of that was your point, I just get so salty at the narrative that women basically can't conceive in their late 30s. We lie to women that they have forever to have babies and then scare the crap out of them that if they didn't have a child by 30 all is lost. Most of us have until we're 40, but if it's a big priority, younger is always going to be "better" just to have the best odds and best options if you do struggle.