He left us

@jnb2 Ok so from experience, get a lawyer now and file for the divorce. Get temporary orders for full placement since he doesn't even have a place to exercise visitation with the child. File for temporary child support and alimony if applicable.
Do NOT do him any favors. He wants to see your kid, but at your place, with you there to help? Nope. He can find a suitable place to have time with your son. He doesn't have transportation? That's too bad, you're not a taxi service to bring the child to and from visits. You aren't a bad mom, you're not preventing him from seeing his kid, etc. You are setting boundaries for yourself and forcing him to take responsibility for parenting.
Seriously, how many mom's are taking the kids to and from visits, providing clothes for dad, providing food for dads house, making the kids call dad every night (even though he doesn't call them) in an effort to foster a relationship with the father? Tons. Set it up right now on full difficulty so that he can walk away sooner rather than later and call it a day.
I'm not saying all dads are shit and will walk away, but some do. My kids dad did. I see the writing on the wall for you already.
A toxic and abusive father is NOT a relationship worth salvaging for your child. Yes I said it.
 
@jnb2 I'm so glad you got the car back. What a leech. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you, and now that person is you. Treat yourself kindly. You did everything in your power to make it work, and it sounds like he did not try at all.

ETA: when that “friend” gets tired of supporting a grown man and kicks him out (which WILL happen), do not let that snake back. Change the locks. Send him back to his own parents. They clearly haven't finished raising him.
 
@jnb2 Change is always scary. Him walking out made it so much easier for you (in my opinion) to accept things are now different. Sending you hugs and good vibes momma!
 
@jnb2 You are a superwoman. Thank you. Thank you for protecting your son, for making a life for the both of you, thank you for not taking this abuse any longer. Thank you for being an example that no, women don’t have to stand by whilst men wreck our lives. Thank you for being a true hero.

You deserve all the best. And you will get it. The gods always smile upon strong women, as they say.
 
@jnb2 Wow, this sounds exactly how my ex was. Useless trash he was...

If he comes crawling back, tell him take a hike.

Trust me, you are WAY better off.
 
@jnb2 I agree with your family (and his). I know it's scary, and you're hurting, and it stings that you put up with so much for so long to ultimately have him leave you, but from what you've said it's likely a good thing. Take some time. Feel what you need to feel. Be sad, be angry, be confused. But then pick yourself up and move forward. You and your son deserve it.

FWIW, when I had a man whom I loved very much leave suddenly, I ended up listening to the Made a "let them go" talk on repeat for a couple days. Okay, weeks. But I swear it helped.
 
@jnb2 I feel you! I was in a similar situation. I initiated the divorce and he is being as uncooperative as he possibly can.

It’s hard. It will be hard for awhile but I have hope for both of us that it will get better!

Hugs and love to you!
 
@jnb2
  1. Your family is right DO NOT take him back
  2. Change the locks-if you rent contact your management office. In things like this, they are usually high priority.
  3. See if family can help watch the little one while you work OR talk to your employers and see if you can bring little one with you more
  4. Contact a lawyer and start divorce proceedings yesterday
 
@jnb2 Don't dwell on everything you have done for him. It sounds like he maybe is having a mental break, but that doesn't excuse everything.

Personally, I wouldn't support him anymore and would not let him back. The tie is broken, and he's made a decision. Time to find things to fulfill you and your sons life.
 
@jnb2 You need some time to grieve the life you’d hoped for, but TRUST ME, you’re going to be feeling so much better soon. Life alone is so much better than life with a toxic partner. I felt free after my divorce, even when things were really hard. We move on and get happy again, you’ll see. Protect yourself and your son and set yourself up for happiness moving forward.
 
@jnb2 This is a gift. I know it's going to feel hard, the trauma and abuse to process, but you've been doing it all yourself this whole time. It's going to get easier, a weight that was dragging you down. Keep moving, one day at a time, and under no circumstances do you ever take him back. You can worry about him, but you cannot fix him. Proud of you for going to get your car back with a police escort! That was fantastic and the first step in prioritizing you and your son before anyone else. You are a strong mama bear.
 
@jnb2 I know people often say to newly broke-up women how "they're better off without him." But it's been really long since I read such a clear case of really truly honestly being better off without him. Good for you for getting your car back. Now go enjoy your life without a stone hanging off your neck.
 
@jnb2 I am glad that I read your comment that you got your car back. I was going to suggest to report it stolen. I’m sure he will come crawling back and beg for forgiveness. Just you wait. I hope you find the courage to be rid of this parasite forever.
 
@jnb2 I know it hurts right now, but imagine if you stayed? The abuse would continue. I’m so sorry love, he sounds like a coward manipulator. These men love to tell the story to their own tune; aka what makes them look less like a POS. Are you guys married? As a single mom, I’m telling you sometimes it’s easier without them. Here for support.
 
@jnb2 The audacity of that man, omfg. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think you’re doing the right thing, single-momming isn’t easy but it’s a hell of a lot easier than what you were having to put up with. I know it’s so scary, but it’ll get better, and you will flourish.
 
@jnb2 What a, prick. If the car is in your name text him and tell him to return the car by the end of tomorrow or you will report it as stolen to the police and give them his address. Its your car not his he can give it back now.

If he references "being armed" then immediately report him to the police and include the gun threat.

Fuck him, do what's right for you and your son xx
 
@jnb2 Please consider moving so that he cannot find you. If he has threatened that he is armed, I would want to get away somewhere he cannot find you. Definitely in the meantime change the locks and get a restraining order. Keep all texts as proof that he is not mentally stable.

I would not allow visitation until he is able to get court approved visitation which hopefully would be supervised.

Congratulations on getting this trash out of your life. Now it is time to protect yourself and your son.
 
@jnb2 Good for you getting that car back! I’m proud of you for following through with it. That’s great to hear that your (and his family, if I read correctly?) are supporting you. Get their support in whatever way you can. Maybe they will help watch your 2 year old if he can’t go to work with you every day. You already know how to financially get your family by each month. You are all set to doing this thing, and it will probably save you money with his deadbeat self gone. I wish you the best lawyer and the best of luck.
 
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