Having a little girl- I think this is going to be a learning curve!

J

jb21

New member
Just found out we’re having a little girl and I’m over the moon.

I teach a subject which is majority female so interact with mostly female teenagers on a day to day basis...so I THINK that window of time is sorted.

Everything before that however....I’m going to have to learn. E.g. I’m bald, when I was younger I had a shaved head/short back and sides. I’m not even sure I know how hair works haha

Hit me up predaddit members- what are the tips and skills in going to need to learn
 
@jb21 I have multiple girls. There is very little difference unless you make one.

One thing I have observed - some parents of boys excuse otherwise not permitted behavior as "boys are like that". And girls don't dig or play in dirt because "girls don't do that".

My girls would climb all over any furniture or wrestle just as much as any boy. It's just about instilling manners and behavior.

Maybe it's a sore spot for me. But I hate parents who dismiss the shitty behavior of their kid as "it's what boys do"
 
@jonny01 Our boy loves:
  • Singing
  • Dancing
  • Running
  • Being a dinosaur
  • Being a superhero
Our girls loves:
  • Pushing her brother
  • Jumping off things
  • Climbing onto things
  • Headbutting things
  • Cradling her 'baby' doll
  • Being a superhero
He's older by two years and they both learned how to climb down stairs and slide down slides the same week. Their behaviours and general interests seem far more driven by their birth order than their gender stereotypes.
 
@nimmyarts95 I picked up some baby grows/clothes the other day (before we found out the gender) and my mother was saying clearly I thought it was a boy because I’d bought some clothes with dinosaurs on them.

I was dumbfounded- dinosaurs are awesome, I’m assuming my son or daughter will love them as much as I did as a kid (I was obsessed). I never ever thought about dinosaurs as gendered- they’re just big animals, animals are unisex right? (Then someone told me jungle animals are more masculine and forest animals feminine...people are on another planet sometimes)
 
@jb21 I was like this with my oldest. Everything I bought was awesome - dinosaurs and jungle animals and planes and rockets. Then because she’s the baldest baby that ever did persistently bald she has been referred to as “he” by pretty much everyone her whole life. Even now that she’s 16 months old. It only bothers me in that it creates social awkwardness when you have to try and slide a “she” into the conversation to try and correct people. Obviously it doesn’t bother her at all - she’s still trying to work out the social complexities of not eating out of the cat bowl. Gender identity remains a bit esoteric for her. Anyway, I’m 8 months preggers with number two and just pulled all my newborn onsies out of the cupboard and in a moment of shear pregnancy induced insanity I ran 4 of them through a bleach wash and a pink dye. They now look like total fucking shit. Lesson learned - leave the cool onsies alone...
 
@jonny01 Thanks, I know intra-gender differences are bigger than inter-gender (my sister was a tomboy when younger and in many ways is ‘more masculine’-stereotypically than I am in many ways)

I’ve said all along that I have no preference because ‘a kid is a kid’
 
@jb21 I think that most modern parents get that they shouldn’t quash non-traditional interests in their kids, but amongst my coastal circles at least, harm in the opposite direction is also a risk. Pathologizing girly stuff, or pressuring them to be interested in STEM toys even if they aren’t, or getting overly stressed out about a princess phase that some (but not all) girls go through.

For all kids it’s important to expose them to a wide range of options and then let them lead and explore. some will become obsessions for either a short while or a long while, and encouragement is helpful of course, but one of the humbling experiences of being a parent is that you don’t have as much of an influence over their interests or personality as you think, you can only control your reaction and how you make them feel.
 
@jb21 When they are young, it really makes no difference which gender you have. You will learn as you go and hair will be the last thing you even think of.
 
@leoengel Thanks I know they’re MOSTLY the same. It’s the other bits that I was worrying about haha

You’re right hair might just be a skill I pick up
 
@jb21 Speaking for my husband here (who is also a guy who keeps his hair buzzed very short), there is definitely a learning curve with washing long hair but you do get used to it fast. Some of it is trial and error and some he learned from me, a woman with curly hair. Our daughter has beautiful ringlets when her hair is cared for properly and he ended up taking over most of her baths. At first he was combing her hair and diffusing all the curls, so I talked him about finger-combing and using a wide toothed comb only on the snarls. He did great! And he has learned for himself how much conditioner and how much to work into her hair. She’s a toddler so she doesn’t participate in the process yet but he is is doing a fantastic job.

Everything else you learn on the go, too. He learned to do diaper changes from the nurses in the hospital. (He had planned to practice diapering our cat, but the baby came a little early.) We both had to learn to swaddle. I’m trying to think of anything else that would be different with a boy...really just the diaper changes and heck, hair wise boys can have long ringlets too!

And for the record, our daughter is obsessed with trucks, construction vehicles, dogs, cats, Muppet Babies, running, climbing, and blocks. She’ll occasionally watch Frozen but her interests are pretty well rounded!
 
@mattlwood I shared your worry! Unfortunately for the cat (but fortunately for us, in this instance) his previous owners declawed him, so he doesn't have claws on his front paws. However he could do damage with the back paws still. He loves to be held and cuddled but I'm sure he would have fought a diaper change.
 
@jb21 For a lot of the shirts, the buttons are on the back. I buttoned a few of my daughters shirts at the front like I would early on.
 
@jb21 As most of the dads here will tell you, there's almost no difference between boys and girls until puberty. They are all just kids. I've got 3 girls and was worried about the learning curve too. My advice is "don't worry, you've got this". The fact that you are worried means you'll probably do just fine.

Your kids will teach you how to raise them. Just remember that they are people with feelings and motivations of their own. Approach them by learning who they are as a person and you can't go wrong. Sounds maybe a little hippyish but it's worked for me. One of my girls is always in a dress, wears pink all the time, and digs for worms in the dirt. Another always wears jeans and t-shirts and screams if a bug gets anywhere near her. The last one, is a screaming monster who is jealous (but she's also 2 so she's just a jerk at the moment).

You've got this man. Really, it's great. Raising girls is super rewarding. But then again, so is raising boys I guess.
 
@jb21 Congrats! I’d recommend not over emphasizing the difference. The more you decide there are huge differences between boys and girls, the more there will be because you’ll be creating it. There are some biological differences that are obviously important to keep in mind (at least for babies, always wipe front to back!) otherwise don’t go into this thinking your daughter is going to be some kind of alien creature compared to you.

She won’t have long hair for a while - and maybe she’ll never want it! So don’t fixate on stuff like that. I say this to both expecting moms and dads, try not to have a very specific idea of what your child will be like (how they will look, what they will like) solely based on their sex.
 
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