Going through it
- Thread starter cm0308
- Start date
-
- Tags
- single parents
katrina2017
New member
@cm0308 There’s many different ways life doesn’t go according to plan - becoming a single parent is one of them. Sure we get shamed sometimes by society, but those doing the shaming never walked in your exact shoes. It is futile to beat ourselves up over this, as it won’t change the circumstances. However there is definitely grief in comparing the reality of the situation to what we had wished and hoped for. And it’s okay to be sad about it. But as you identify more with being a survivor of your misfortune as opposed to being the victim, that grief will become the strength for you and your kiddos.
How old are your kids? Do you have any support from friends or family?
How old are your kids? Do you have any support from friends or family?
@katrina2017 They are 10, 8, 6&5. I barely have any family or help. Ever since Covid finances really get in the way of me getting a babysitter just even for a couple hours
katrina2017
New member
@cm0308 Are there resources in your city for single parents? Sometimes you can get subsidized childcare or programs you can get them into for free. I’d say even take a day off from work if you can while they’re in school!
I know it can be overwhelming with everything that sometimes you feel stuck and don’t know what to do. But even with them around, don’t forget to take those little moments for yourself. Sometimes I wake up earlier to do my makeup and it makes me feel like I did something for me. Or take a nice bath after they’ve gone to bed. You can squeeze in some self-care here and there.
One day at a time.
I know it can be overwhelming with everything that sometimes you feel stuck and don’t know what to do. But even with them around, don’t forget to take those little moments for yourself. Sometimes I wake up earlier to do my makeup and it makes me feel like I did something for me. Or take a nice bath after they’ve gone to bed. You can squeeze in some self-care here and there.
One day at a time.
halleluyah577
New member
@halleluyah577 Filed a little over a year ago.. still making its way through the system unfortunately
halleluyah577
New member
alexxmedeiros
New member
@cm0308 Im not sure where you are but in my state, if the children are on any type of public assistance, especially medicaid, the state will go after the father for child support much quicker and more diligently than if not on assistance, via Child Support Enforcement. No matter what your job or income, you should definitely apply and qualify for some help from the government. And do NOT feel any type of way about receiving this. That is what it's there for!
plainolmelissa
New member
alexxmedeiros
New member
@katrina2017 Yeah society definitely tries to put us at the bottom of the food chain...
plebquarreimu1984
New member
craftyturtle
New member
@cm0308 Vent all you want, this is a safe space. No one can judge you for how you got to where you are, it’s not like you could have predicted the future. We all make mistakes. Be proud of what you accomplish everyday because not everyone has the strength to take care of 4 children! You are doing amazing 
@cm0308 I am in your shoes too mama. 4 kids, completely solo. My younger two have a different dad than my older 2. He’s “involved” on weekends and loves to give me advice and bitch at me about what I’m doing wrong, then coming in to play “super dad” for 25 hours before going back to his life without paying child support. The older two, their dad isn’t around because he’s an addict, hasn’t paid child support in 14 years and had to be completely cut off for doing drugs in front of our kids (like preteens who notice it)…
I hate that I chose poorly for their fathers, because I was young and traumatized and clung to the attention I got from them. That I’m not the mom I used to be because I’m so stressed out and completely exhausted. So then I feel even more guilty that I took that away from my older two and my younger two never got to experience it. I’m always worrying about my kids and if they are going to be decent adults, I’m socially cut off from the world, while their dads get to do whatever they want and have no worries. They work whatever hours they want, go hang out with their friends, buy things they want, and even decide when they want to be a parent. I hate it. I hate it so much. I was young when I had them, and I love my kids so much, but i would have never signed up for this if I realized I was going to be doing it alone and heartbroken all the time.
OP, please feel free to reach out if you ever want to vent from one quad mom to another
I hate that I chose poorly for their fathers, because I was young and traumatized and clung to the attention I got from them. That I’m not the mom I used to be because I’m so stressed out and completely exhausted. So then I feel even more guilty that I took that away from my older two and my younger two never got to experience it. I’m always worrying about my kids and if they are going to be decent adults, I’m socially cut off from the world, while their dads get to do whatever they want and have no worries. They work whatever hours they want, go hang out with their friends, buy things they want, and even decide when they want to be a parent. I hate it. I hate it so much. I was young when I had them, and I love my kids so much, but i would have never signed up for this if I realized I was going to be doing it alone and heartbroken all the time.
OP, please feel free to reach out if you ever want to vent from one quad mom to another
alexxmedeiros
New member
strawberry321
New member
@cm0308 You’re still young and believe me I completely understand everything you’re going through. It’s very hard to be a single mother. Some days I just cannot do one more thing for anyone and I tell my kids “ I am so freaking exhausted just give me an hour to sit without anyone asking me for anything” and usually they do. You can do it! I’m sure the kids already see how much effort you put forth into making sure they have everything and they are happy. When they are old enough you’ll be able to get back time for yourself and do what you want. Remember, you cannot be a great mother if you don’t take care of yourself also 
katrina2017
New member
@strawberry321 Yes, sometimes you can just say “Mama needs to be alone for a little bit please.”
katrina2017
New member
@cm0308 Yes this is a very tough situation. Kids are very challenging. It takes a village to raise a child. It is really difficult when the other parent can’t be trusted to show up and be reliable. It hurts the custodial parent as well as the kids. It also negatively affects mental health. Kids need a lot of emotional support, a lot of teaching and training. I’ve got two but you got four. I thought I was at the end of my rope with mine. You must really be having a difficult time. I wish there were more ways single parents could get together and support each other. You will have days where it’s a struggle to get the kids going and get dinner on the table and the kids to bed on time. Some days if you can get to bed and not have to deal with the kids bickering it’s a good day. I had gone through some depression over it. It’s still hard. Sometimes I just want other people in my life to show up and just be friends. I also feel like that is asking too much of anybody. I’m open to vent to if you need somebody to listen.