First time mom wanting advise on holiday travel

[lightoffaith]

My baby is 4months old. We live 8 hours away from family. family wants us to travel to them for the holidays. I don’t want to travel for our 1st holidays together. I’ve done the trip 2x already, and 2x to Vegas is his family can spend time with my child. I’m done. Any advice on how to to tell her Dad and family no w/o starting WWIII?

When I bring it up to her dad he says “they are used to me traveling to them b/c I have the time off work and I’ve been childless for so long.” He wants to travel with 2 dogs, me, him, and the baby with all out things for a weeks stay in a Honda Pilot. His sister has a cat and I’m allergic. It’s just a whole bunch of no. I get so upset about it. I’m giving so much to a situation where I should have more of a voice. I don’t know how to talk about it w/o getting angry w/ him and family.

UPDATE***

I talked to the husband about my wants. His solution is to stay at home for Christmas and then we will go down to visit his family the day after Christmas. NO! I told him no and then he suggested he take the baby down there on his own while I stay home to work. NO! No way am I letting anyone take my 4 month old away for that long or that far away. I let him know he can go by himself. He said we would talk about it later and that was a couple days ago.

 

[murrayskeeter]

@lightoffaith It should be completely understandable to anyone in the family that traveling that much and that far with a newborn is too taxing. And your husband should understand out of anyone. If he doesn't understand then it sounds like he prioritizes his other family over the one he lives with. This is extremely common, though- when a family starts having kids they stay put and the parties come to them. It's only practical and polite for that matter. Both the cost and effort are unfair to a family with a new baby.
Unfortunately I don't have solid advice for how's to convince your husband you're staying home, but your arguments are completely valid and significant so don't let up.

 

[lightoffaith]

@murrayskeeter A million thank yous. I finally feel validated.

 

[emmafontaine]

@lightoffaith Your arguments/reasons make complete sense, really it's pretty absurd to expect you to travel with a young baby at all. You've already made sure family has met Baby, that's awesome. Now it is time for you guys to make your own little family traditions for the holidays.
How to do so without getting angry and/or other people being upset? I have no idea. Just remember "no" is a complete sentence, you don't need to convince others that your reasons/needs are valid. It might be very uncomfortable, but it will possibly start some good conversations regarding boundaries/expectations.

 

[lightoffaith]

I’ve never heard that no was a complete sentence. That is such a beautiful piece of knowledge! No. End of discussion. It’s our time to start family traditions. If he leaves to be with his family during the holidays then I’ll just have to cross that bridge if we get there.

 

[solos]

@lightoffaith 2 dogs and a 4 month old in a car for 8 hours? No thank You. 4 months is right around when they stop sleeping so much and start getting bored/frustrated by being inthe carseat so much. If you breastfeed this 8 hr trip will become 10+ hours easily. And then there's sleep routine. Get Dad on your side first then have him tell his family it aint happening.

 

[lightoffaith]

@solos The last two trips I’ve driven 4 hours stayed overnight in a hotel with the baby and then finished the drive the next day. It’s so taxing and expensive.