Father took job 2.5 hours away starting next week

[q490264]

We have final orders and father gets every other weekend with our 3 year old. And just 2 days every other week.

2 weekends ago he took her 2.5 hours away to stay with his friend. He just informed me that he is moving there and moving in with his friend and will be working there. Starting next week.

He hasn’t filed anything with the court for “moving a significant distance” for us to update the parenting plan.

He has parenting time again this weekend and I’m sure he will be taking her there again.

What do I do here? Do I file to update the parenting plan? Can he just move like that without courts approval? If not- do I say she can’t go?

Any advice is appreciated!

We are in Colorado

 

[joeysoley]

@q490264 What does your parenting plan saying about relocation?

 

[q490264]

@joeysoley It says that you must inform the other party if you plan on moving a significant distance. In Colorado significant distance is not spelled out in miles- but he is moving 2.5 hours and over a mountain pass and he won’t be able to do his 4 8:00- 6:00Pm days during the month

 

[skupi]

@q490264 So he just has to tell you?

 

[q490264]

@skupi Doh no- he must notify the court

 

[skupi]

@q490264 Okay that makes more sense

 

[danields]

@q490264 Do what you’ve been doing. He chose to move. He is responsible for ensuring nothing changes for you.

More driving? His responsibility.

 

[jacobhudson]

@danields Yes agreed. If he decided to move without updating the courts, there is a protective order in place, and a designated pickup/dropoff location then he is the one who gets to travel further unless he petitions the courts to have it adjusted.

 

[q490264]

@jacobhudson Awesome yes- thank you for helping me think through that. We do have a protective order- he actually got charged today for violating it too. Things are not in his favor. Hopefully he gets it together

 

[joyfilled]

@q490264 I would let him move. And don’t suggest any solution to the situation he is creating. He is clearly not interested in being involved day to day with your kiddo. Will probably be a lot less stressful doing it on your own. Coparenting is a myth.

 

[q490264]

@joyfilled Ha! Yes-We certainly have not been coparenting. It’s true- the court ordered exchange location is here in my town. Maybe I just let everything fall into place on its own. Thanks for a different perspective

 

[childofgod001]

@q490264 Unfortunately, as "significant distance" isn't spelt out in either miles or hours, there isn't much you can do here. Vague wordings in an order are open to interpretation, so it's always worth getting the specifics detailed. That being said, that doesn't mean you can't take action long term.

Keep to the schedule, and document every time your coparent isn't able to meet his obligations. Once there is sufficient evidence, you can file for an amendment.

Once your LO starts school, there's no way he'll be able to keep this up midweek, so things will have to change regardless. That may result in extended holiday visits for him to make up for the missed midweek time.

 

[q490264]

@childofgod001 I think significant distance comes into play if we are not able to adhere to the current parenting plan. Which he will not be able to do with 8-6 days. I’ll wait until he doesn’t and figure it out

Thanks for your thoughtful response!

 

[dandan27]

@q490264 I agree with another poster if miles isn’t specified there’s nothing you can do here. I would see how it plays out and then see if a modification is required.

 

[q490264]

@dandan27 Thank you for the input!

Yes there is a protective order in place and we have to exchange at a specific place in my town. He will have to just keep coming here. If he wants me to meet half way then he will need to file something and request a change to it.

 

[q490264]

I’m new to Reddit and I don’t know how to add pictures

The language state

“The parents (parties) understand they must file a new parenting plan and get the court's permission to move a significant distance. (§14-10-129, C.R.S.)”

 

[q490264]

Oh and maybe I answered my questions a little more- I just plugged that code in google and it’s a little more spelled out

 

[jacobhudson]

@q490264 So my child’s father decided to move a 3 hour distance away when we split up. The courts deemed that either one of us had to notify the other parent if we moved over 60 miles further distance away from one another. Our parenting plan through the courts did have a designated mid-point pickup/drop-off location that was a 1/2 way point. Unless the order specifically says he has to notify the courts, then he may not need to. The only thing either of us have to update for address are one another and the Department of Child services for residence and work information for child support purposes.

I am the custodial parent so I have our child most of the time. Even with the 3 hour distance their father is granted every other weekend visitation, every other holiday, spring break, and up to 6 weeks during the summer.

I am surprised that the courts didn’t designate what a “significant distance” would be since this could be quite subjective based on the individual’s. I do know that the county our divorce went through had laid out parenting plans for those parents who couldn’t agree or to give examples of what they deemed appropriate for the distance between parents. So it may be worth checking with your county/state to see if they have a similar document for layout of parenting plans. I would imagine that he’s allowed to move whatever distance away he likes, and he’s the one who will have the consequence of potentially less visitation time with his child depending on the distance.

I am located in Oregon, so of course the laws and guidelines will be different here. So overall my best advice is to reach out to the court with any questions you have, even if it’s just to clarify what a significant distance is and if they have recommendations on what they deem as an appropriate visitation agreement based on the new distance.

Best wishes, I know co-parenting isn’t always easy.

 

[q490264]

@jacobhudson Thanks for sharing your story Alix! We are in similar situations. I am the custodial parent too so maybe it doesn’t matter as much, I’m just going to keep meeting him at the spot designated by the parenting plan until he gets a court order saying I have to go 1/2 way.

They defined significant distance as not being able to hold the current parenting plan. And there’s no way he will make it for a 8:00 am pick up and 6:00 Pm twice a week every other week. Well at least not for long.

He’s having a hard time keeping a job, a house, not paying his child support etc. but hey maybe living with This friend could actually provide a little more stability for him. Positive thinking

I appreciate your advice and again for sharing. It really does help to not feel alone in it during these rough times

 

[jacobhudson]

@q490264 The biggest thing is making sure your following through on what you have agreed to. I also recommend having a way to track missed visits, I use my phone calendar and place notes on all missed visits whether they are by emergency reasons or the other parent having made other plans during their visitation weekend. I’ve had a pretty awful co-parenting relationship with him as well, and now only talk to him via text messages and hold myself accountable to only engaging with him around topics that I am required to speak to him on by the court order (visitation times, school info, medical information, and medical emergencies). This all helps track evidence of his behavior, whether “good” or “bad”, along with my own so if things ever did go back to court I have that at my disposal.

You’re definitely not alone in this. I’m glad to see so many people popping in here with solid advice