My Daughters mother didn’t get me a Father’s Day card or even acknowledge it?

@tokkite Not worth mentioning. She most likely did it on purpose to send a message and get a dramatic reaction out of you. So don’t play into her trap.

It was nice you got her a card but you didn’t do that just so you would get a card. So drop it.
 
@tokkite I get it. Right after my divorce my ex had a birthday. I took the kids out so they could pick out cards for their dad. I did the same at Christmas. They picked out a small gift for their dad. My birthday rolled around and I got nothing. My kids were too small at the time to do it on their own. I stewed for a day and I then wrote an email. I tried to keep the tone kind but I just said that as parents it’s our job to teach them life skills and some of that is teaching them how to honor other peoples holidays.

I suggested that until they are old enough can we make sure the kids buy or make cards for birthdays, Mother’s Day and Fathers Day. And a gift for Christmas because it helps them think about giving instead of only receiving. He agreed and it’s worked ever since.

But I had to spell it out.
 
@tokkite The father of my son doesn’t respect me either, I still make sure to send happy Father’s Day messages and we make crafts. But I cannot expect it back. As the only one responsible for my own happiness is myself. I like to think that they create bad karma when they don’t do simple gestures. We made an amazing child together and I’m so thankful for my son! I send messages out of respect for the making of my son. And nothing else. I will in turn receive the good that comes. And well, he’ll get what ever the universe thinks he deserves 🥹😂 I get to show my son that no amount of hate could ever measure the love I have for my son by doing so. And maybe we’ll break the cycle and he’ll be a better coparent or just parent when it’s his turn

Edit : we do not buy gifts in this household. So gifts to his father would be home made stuff from my son. Or something he really likes at the dollar tree for dad. These gift shouldn’t have a weird added vibe to them. Like jewelry or huge materialistic items. This is after all celebrating creating a life not a relationship

“Thanks for fertilizing the egg my dude!”
 
@tokkite I have a great co parenting relationship with my sons dad and I ALWAYS get a birthday , Christmas Father’s Day gift for him. I make sure to remind his son 9M to always make him a card as well. Me? I get nothing. Not even a text on mothers day or my birthday . He is a good dad so I continue to do it but it’s definitely heartbreaking not being even acknowledged .

My daughters dad this is his first year and I didn’t even send a text because he abandoned her for first few months she was alive and does below the bare minimum for her so even when he’s around I don’t acknowledge him as her father. He didn’t bother to even text me on Mother’s Day even after I pointed it out so I will not be doing the same treatment.

I get your point. Especially being a good co parent or even the main default parent it just overall sucks not even being acknowledged for your sacrifices
 
@tokkite Personally, I don't say or acknowledge it for my kids dad either cause I'm not his biggest fan. I do, however, let him have them that day. Just won't ever say it to him cause I can't stand him. And I don't expect him to do anything for me, happier when he don't
 
@tokkite When you split up, your ex-partner has no obligation towards you rather than just the basics. I admit it feels bad but you are just being petty and it is also saddening.

You do need validation but that should not be expected from the ex-partner, only your child/ren can do that.
 
@tokkite I always wished my ex a happy Father’s Day and had the kids make him cute cards. He never did that for me. So I quit doing it. I’ll bet I’m the bad guy too.
 
@tokkite I don't acknowledge father's day for my ex. The only thing I did was make sure he got our daughters art from daycare that she made for Father's Day. That is the extent of what I feel required to do.

I've never understood why people feel that others are required to acknowledge them on certain days.
 
@tokkite It was my first Father’s Day yesterday; I don’t count last year because my baby was only a couple weeks old. My ex and I have had a lot of ups and downs this last year. A lot of tension over a drawn out court process over parenting time/custody/child support. I wished her a happy Mother’s Day. She gave me a card and gift “from my baby”. A framed picture of my daughter and I, and a card. I was very touched and I will definitely be doing the same next year. But even if she didn’t do that, I don’t understand not encouraging your kid to do something for your ex you coparent with. Like, what kind of toxic arrangement are folks trying to cultivate. Encourage your children to cultivate a relationship with their other parent.
 
@tokkite Welcome to my life too, depends on the mood of my daughter's dad. Mother's day, when I said it said it's mother's day, he replied back.

Our daughter's birthday? Radio-silence. I asked if he thought of her... He said he did. Now im asking why he didnt write to me.

I just feel people like this are low empathy and awful. Her birthday is just once a year, how hard is it to send me a message?
 
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