Father’s sister doesn’t want her kids to know about our daughter

[mikera]

My daughter is 3 years old and we have had very little contact with paternal family.

Lately I have initiated more contact and offering to have more meet ups.

I recently found out the father’s sister (daughter’s bio aunt) hasn’t told her children that he has a child - the reason being we weren’t married when she was conceived and her kids are “too young” to know about our child. Their ages range from 4-10.

I was livid.

What should I do?

The father sees no issue. He also has 0 custody, pays nothing, and only visits when it’s convenient. So far three times this year.

I am hurt as a mom to know my daughter isn’t welcome by her family because of how she was conceived. All while the father gets to live his life like nothing happened.

It’s horrible. Pro-life Christians, too. The hypocrisy is maddening.

 

[katrina2017]

@mikera You don’t want to let people like that anywhere near your daughter. Family is whoever you love.

You’re lucky the trash took itself out.

 

[josh123]

@katrina2017 Well Said!!

 

[genesisdecoded]

@katrina2017 It is heartbreaking. My dad never accepted my son, HIS ONLY GRANDCHILD, and A BOY, with MY LAST NAME, lol. My dad never spoke to me after I told him I was pregnant. 3.5 years later he was close to death and had his wife invite my sister and I to visit… never mentioning my son in there I texted to confirm that they were aware my son would coming too, just in case they didn’t know, and so my son got to meet his grandpa they shared yogurt together and my dad reluctantly let my son play with his model cars, and I got a couple pictures to cherish I guess. But ya. I didn’t know any better then. I wish I had had more self worth and self esteem and better male role model as a kid bc, we were treated so coldly by the entire family for the entire time we were there. I mean. COLD AND CRUEL AND WITH PURE DISDAIN! I was like why did I feel so excited for my son to meet such horrible people even if they’re blood immediate family DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO LOVE THEM OR PUT UP WITH ABUSE! My bar was set so low and this experience was actually the catalyst to my enlightening and coming out of my lifelong fog from a long life of abuse. It’s all I’ve experienced. Bc I stayed connected to my abusive family who kept discarding me and then my son after my mother of course was casted out there we went like yesterdays bread. Without so much as a flicker of remorse. Why would I want my son to know those people who treated me so horribly and DID NOT in fact love me at all?
I asked a cousin of mine on that side of my fam who no longer spoke to any family except her brothers and asked her how she did that. What was I lacking that I couldn’t just say to them I’m worth more than how you people treat me?
Her answer was simple. When people who aren’t your actual family treat you better than your actual family those people become your family. Raise your bar on who you will allow in your family. Just bc they’re relatives does not mean you owe them anything.

Idk if you wanted my life’s history on your comment here, sorry… but the comment is so accurate but not at all simple to get to if this has devastated you for the first time. So I just wanted to Elab on it. I agree with the comment above. And this is how I got there. Anyway. Good luck. Raise your bar honey. It will in turn give your child a strong role model for their own self worth.

 

[simelane2]

@mikera As a mother who’s mother in law is Christian, she’d be disgusted with your kids’ aunt, and welcome your babies with open arms. I’d go NC. Excuse while I go vomit. This is why I’m agnostic. I’d be your kids’ aunt.

 

[naivegirl]

@mikera Coming from a bastard child who was often reminded that I was a bastard - that family is not worth having. They will try to make your child feel like they are worth less because they weren’t “born in the right circumstances”.

Is it sad that your child doesn’t have as much family as other kids? Yes. But subjecting them to attitudes like this is much, much worse.

 

[heartfullofchrist]

@mikera What should you do about Christians being Christian?

Nothing. They didn’t get there because of logic, so nothing you say or do will change anything.

You should establish paternity and get child support - because that benefits your daughter