Euthanizing out dog tomorrow. Husband and I differ on what to do with the (almost) 3 year old. [x-post from r/parenting]

[harleyer]

1:30 tomorrow our vet is coming to our home to put our boxer down. DD will be napping (tail end of her nap). Her dogs (we have two boxers) are just furry siblings to her - she talks/plays/loves them like she does her skin brother.

Husbands is adamant - our daughter is to see nothing.

I am on the fence. I don't want her to be traumatized, but would it help her understand if she helped us bury her? Or is that way too much for a little human? She helped me bury her fish that died ... I realize it's different then our dog.

This is fucking brutal.

All advice/criticism welcome.

*I deleted the last post because I violated rules, tisk tisk!

Update: We had our daughter help us bury our pup (she was wrapped in a blanket). She handled it better then we did. We answered her questions honestly, let her talk as much as she needed to. Tonight was hard. That pup usually sits on a special pillow while we read books before bedtime and our daughter called for her.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

 

[katrina2017]

@harleyer Personally, I wouldn't have her watch the procedure or the burial because it might be confusing and I'd fear she would try to bury other things as a goodbye. My son is 4 and just lost his grandfather. We sat down with him and explained death and why his grandfather died. He had just a few questions at the time, but has brought it up a few times asking for clarification and we answer his questions as they come up. I think the visual would be confusing at that young of an age, but you know your own child best.

 

[harleyer]

@katrina2017 That's where my husbands at. He's worried she'll be confused.

We weren't going to have her watch the procedure. My idea was to have her help us bury her.

Is there a parenting manual for this stuff??

Thanks for the reply.

 

[ratan]

@harleyer I think letting her help bury your dog would be ok, but you know her best.

When our cat died, I told my four year old twins that Albert was going back into the Earth and would turn into the grass and the flowers and the trees and be all around us everyday. They liked this idea and I like to think it comforted them a bit.

I'm sorry about your dog. Hugs to you guys.

 

[katrina2017]

@harleyer It really is a hard call. You know your own child best. Sucks that you and hubby have different takes. It's so much easier when you agree! Good luck whatever you decide. Let us know how she handles it.

 

[harleyer]

@katrina2017 She handled it so well.

We had the vet come to our home. Lily woke from her nap just after Jersey had passed. As my husband was wrapping her up, I went in and explained to our daughter what happened. I asked her if she wanted to help us bury her, and she said yes. She put two of Jersey's favourite toys in the grave with her and even asked to help put the dirt in. I'm so happy with our decision to let her help.

Thanks again for responding.

 

[katrina2017]

@harleyer Glad to hear it went well. Sorry for you loss. It's so hard to lose a beloved pet. It sounds like your daughter handled it very well.

 

[harleyer]

@katrina2017 She really did.

Thanks for the condolences. Much appreciated.

 

[coha]

@harleyer I'm sorry

We have done animal funerals with kids from young ages around here, if they choose to participate. It's very individual. I have one kid that doesn't even want to talk about death, one that attended the euthanasia of our dog, and one that will carry the dead body of a chicken to her grave as long as she can't see the actual body. So, they pretty much run the spectrum here. Everyone gets to make their choice and we respect that. I can't imagine burying a pet without asking them first, but that's my family and my kids.

Go with your gut. Guts should always be listened to.

 

[harleyer]

Here she is. Accompanying me one last time to pick our daughter up from daycare.

 

[ritachapman40]

@harleyer When my family lost our first cat, my parents explained what was happening and gave us the choice of being with the cat when he was put to sleep. I chose to stay with him. I remember it very vividly; it was more first encounter with the death of someone I cared about. I plan to do the same when the time comes for my cats.

 

[harleyer]

@ritachapman40 We didn't have her be a part of the procedure (she was napping while they put her down, we did an at home euthanasia).

When she woke from her nap we asked her if she wanted to help us bury her. She wanted to. She put two of Jerseys favourite toys in the grave with her. I'm so glad we decided to have he be a part of things.

 

[katrina2017]

@harleyer I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's so hard to lose a doggie.

Our kids were 8&4 when we had to put our dog to sleep. They chose to stay with her until she passed. We talked about it for a full day, gave them the option to stay home and explained what was going to happen. Our vet was amazing and talked through everything (I felt bad though, I should have warned her my kids were going to grill her!) and we all held her as they gave her the meds to relax and then the ones to stop her heart. It wasn't overly traumatic, just sad. But in the end they knew it had to be done because she was so sick.

When they were 14&9 they stayed with us when my dad passed. Again, given the option to leave, they stayed.

Death is a part of life, being with our loved ones when they die is a gift.

 

[harleyer]

@katrina2017 I like that. It is a gift. Thank you for replying and sharing your experiences.

 

[missionindia]

@harleyer I personally wouldn't have her watch, but I would talk to her about it instead.

 

[harleyer]

@missionindia Thank you for replying. We didn't have her watch. She helped us bury her.

 

[harleyer]

Update: We had our daughter help us bury our pup (she was wrapped in a blanket). She handled it better then we did. We answered her questions honestly, let her talk as much as she needed to. Tonight was hard. That pup usually sits on a special pillow while we read books and our daughter called for her.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.