Does anyone else find it hard to picture having an actual baby?

[sistrin]

My husband and I plan to start trying around the new year. We talk about it, we say things like “if we have a kid…x,y,z” (I don’t like to say “when” because life is unpredictable and conceiving can be difficult), I see things like our biweekly food truck fest in the summer and think about how I can’t wait to bring a baby there - but picturing my husband and I with an actual baby in our house feels WEIRD. We are 32, full grown adults with creaky knees and 401ks and portfolios and all those other adult buzzwords. But it still feels so weird to picture us as adult enough to have a baby of our own. I picture us in our living room with our baby and it doesn’t feel like a real vision, more like we’re the kid aunt and uncle babysitting. I can’t realistically picture us parenting and taking a kid to daycare, outings, etc and being in charge of a human 24/7. Not that I think we’d be bad at it, maybe just because it’s so far from our reality? Is this making sense to anyone else?! I WANT a baby, but actually having one seems mind-boggling

 

[eadillard123]

@sistrin It seems normal to me. I don’t know anybody who’s ever really been able to picture it and then has been right about what it actually looked like for them.

I kind of feel like other life stages are the same. Like, I didn’t visualize living in my first apartment or moving in with my wife or the day to day of the career I chose with total accuracy, and I think maybe as you gain experience you gain the ability to recognize that, if that makes sense? Like, you’re smart enough to know you can’t totally predict and picture what having a baby will be like for you…so you can’t picture it!

 

[sistrin]

@eadillard123 That makes sense! It’s uncharted territory for us

 

[evan288]

@sistrin Honestly, I think it's healthy. People who spend a lot of time picturing what it will be like can set expectations that may not be realistic without realizing it. I've never been good at visualizing the future clearly and it's made me more adaptable and flexible.

It sounds like y'all are right where you need to be!

 

[rattikin]

@sistrin I’m 31 weeks pregnant and still feel this way!

 

[sistrin]

@rattikin Haha that’s reassuring! Congrats on your soon-to-be baby!

 

[neophyte365]

@sistrin I am RIGHT there with you. My mind just isn’t there right now. I’m turning 29 this year, planning to start trying late next year.

 

[iceqube]

@sistrin try picturing yourself with a toddler or a teenager!

i was able to picture myself with a baby but never once did it cross my mind that this baby would grow older. sounds so stupid but that it just the way it goes. so dont worry you find it hard to imagine yourself with a baby, its difficult to comprehend.

 

[juanmarqez]

@iceqube I feel the same way! I do struggle a bit to picture myself with a baby, but can get there. Thinking of a middle schooler calling me “mom” is what really breaks my brain.

 

[shinystar]

@iceqube Omg I had the same moment when I realized how fast they grow. My cousin had a baby boy and he doubled in weight in 2 months and I realized how quickly a year goes by. Its wild to think about.

 

[neophyte365]

@iceqube I feel like I can much, much more easily visualize having to parent a toddler or a teenager. Babies honestly freak me out a little

 

[iceqube]

@neophyte365 haha i can imagine! But it is way harder to take your toddler somewhere, baby is much easier

 

[factfinderfrank]

@sistrin Dude, I'm home with my 13-month-old today who is transforming into a grumpy toddler by the minute. I had the thought wondering when his mom was coming to get him. It's me. I'm the mom. I'm 29 and felt my age up until I had my son, and now I feel like I'm 17. It's weird but also cool!

 

[sistrin]

@factfinderfrank Hahaha “this kid’s mom better hurry up and come get him!” love it. So apparently this feeling is normal and won’t entirely go away!

 

[supergirl376]

@sistrin Yes I 100% felt the same before we had our daughter. It was so abstract - I think because you don’t know what they’re going to look like or what their personality will be like. But then they arrive and they’re this whole incredible little person and suddenly you can’t imagine that you ever had a life without them, and they slot into your life like they’ve been there forever.

 

[sistrin]

@supergirl376 That’s so sweet, and so very reassuring! I’m glad I shared this with you all, because I was worried that me not being able to picture it meant it wasn’t right for us

 

[shinystar]

@sistrin Yes! Its so weird. I'm 30 and haven't spent much time around moms throughout my 20s. Its intimidating to me because I haven't spent time around kids since I babysat in high school. I have also been a full time online college student so I'm used to having a quiet house all to myself. Having a baby is basically inviting a stranger to live with you for the next 20+ years. it's a big change!

 

[susa]

@sistrin I know how you feel. I'm 32 and my husband is about to be 29 and I feel like we're just winging it as adults, so I'm like how could I be an adultier adult that takes care of a kid lol. I think about what it will be like, but it's hard to feel like you're allowed to have that much responsibility over another person.

 

[sistrin]

@susa Yes! This is exactly how I feel. Then my mind gets even more blown thinking that at my age, my mom had 9 year old me and my 7 year old brother!

 

[susa]

@sistrin Oh yeah. My parents had me at 23 and my sister at 27. I’m like 23 you’re still a baby and you have a baby to take care of??? What?? And here I am 32 no kids yet and I still feel like I’ll never be mature enough.