Do you consider it "taboo" for a boy to see the diaper changing of his baby sister?

K

knorvy10

New member
I was having a discussion with my husband, and I asked him if he ever changed a diaper before (because he has younger siblings) and he mentioned that whenever his mom would change his baby sister's diaper, she'd always tell him to go away, and that it's more or less a "shame" to see.

I had an adverse reaction to this, as I could never think about a baby's diaper changing in this way.. especially when it comes to your own baby sister.. or any baby for this matter. I responded that this is sexualizing children, more so the sibling thats being told to not look, and making them feel shameful or that they're doing something wrong. I also mentioned that if it was opposite roles, that there probably wouldn't be any issue with a girl seeing her baby brother getting changed.. a baby is a baby regardless if gender, and that its sexist and unfair to do that to boys and contributes to the existing animalistic male stereotypes.

He took offense to this and responded that it was more of a privacy thing for his baby sister than a sexual thing.

Thoughts?
 
@knorvy10 No, I really don’t see why a child would be sent away. My brother and I always shared a bath too when we were toddlers. We had a lot of fun in the big bath together with all our Duplo blocks.
 
This. Your average kid doesn't see things as sexual. They might be interested in the differences but that's just curiosity.
 
@wwii5000 Honestly, you might want to research Puritan customs and beliefs a little more. Like other fundamentalist movements, their movement emerged at a time when social changes necessitated such a movement. At a time when commercial brothels recruited destitute girls into a lifetime of exploitation and early death from syhpilis, Puritan movement emerged from impoverished laborers demanding reforms and protections from these abuses. Puritans held many fundamentalist beliefs, but segregation of infants by gender was not one of them.
 
@biblesniffer I think this is completely normal up until a certain age. Like I don’t let my 6 year old daughter get naked in front of her 14 year old brother. It’s just weird. But what you’re describing is perfectly normal and I remember taking baths with my brother. When changing my kids diapers, I never sent the others away because it’s inappropriate, I usually sent them away because I’m wrist deep in shit.
 
@vali123 I think 4-5 is a fair cutoff. I’ve showered with all three of our kids (two boys, one girl) at various points; it’s annoying because usually that’s time I get to spend in peace and quiet, but I don’t consider it inappropriate.

I don’t remember doing that at age 5+ for any of them, though. My daughter is almost 5, and I think the last time she showered with me was probably at least 6 months ago. She’s showered with my wife in the last month, though.

FWIW, public locker rooms often have rules about “no opposite gender kids over 5 in the locker rooms”. That seems to be an unspoken cutoff.
 
@katie6 Genuinely curious because I have a 2 year old. Do you think your 5 year old would be capable of walking into a locker room by herself, keeping track of her stuff. showering, putting her clothes away, taking care of her towel, getting dressed and meeting you outside? I don’t personally have a ton of experience with 5 year olds other than my neice at that age but she needed reminders to wash her hands, put on socks, etc. if I sent her into the locker room alone she would be in there for an hour, maybe showered in her underwear, lost her shoes, took someone else’s towel... you get the picture.
 
@sprinkle No, I don’t. At that age, they really need same-sex parents to help them through.

I think a responsible 7 year old could manage, maybe 6 if they’re ahead of the curve, but there’s definitely a gap where they’re too old for opposite-sex locker rooms, but too young to go alone.
 
@katie6 I don’t really see why a dad couldn’t help their 5 year old daughter get dressed or shower or a mom can’t help her 5 year old son shower. You don’t always have the same sex parent available and/or don’t have a same sex parent at all. My wife and I can’t send our son into the men’s locker room alone and neither of us is male so we can’t go and he can’t come into the ladies room with us in places with rules like that. I just don’t see the benefit. He dosn’t get to participate in swim lessons between 5-7 because his parents are both women? Who benefits from that?
 
@sprinkle I think if he was 5, he’d probably be allowed under the rule (in most places).

I think if he was just starting swim lessons at age 6, you might be SOL. However, if you’ve been doing it fir a few years, I think you could see a 6-7 year old get through the process alone in a familiar place.

The other thing is more and more places have “family dressing rooms” for exactly this reason.
 
@katie6 That just seems like a lot of rules and fuss to what end? A boy seeing a boob or a bush? A girl seeing a penis? Like that magically becomes traumatizing at 6 vs 5? The women in the locker room that don’t want to be seen do the towel trick (pull off suit and pull on undies under the towel) whether or not there is kids in there.

I don’t really think being SOL because your parents are gay or you are a single parent household is a reasonable option for a public facility.

But we don’t have to agree on that. I appreciate knowing there are places my family should avoid as I wouldn’t have thought to check something like that because it seems so obvious that until my son is capable of doing it himself I can help him.
 
@sprinkle I agree it's a big fuss (not to mention unnecessarily sexualizing and heteronormative af), but that's probably because of other guests. I have to admit I'd be surprised to see a male child in my side of the bathhouse but maybe that's because the communities I publicly bathe with have a lot of family/friend support so there's always a same-sex guardian to be had for children. Anyway like you I think people need to calm down about nakedness in general and then maybe we wouldn't have to split hairs like this.
 
@momcares I think the part that bothers me about this isn’t even that people need to get over their issues with nakedness. I mean, they should, but more importantly is that the problem (individual adults personally not wanting to share a locker room with children) has the proposed solution to disallow children from using the facility entirely. Which it functionally is. If they can’t do it themselves and they don’t have a same sex parent, you are not allowed to do swim class? Not, maybe taking turns? Like we learned in pre-k? I can’t get over my biases so I will refuse you access to a resource because I don’t know how to take turns.

In your example of being surprised to see children in the locker room, there are so many options other than removing the child. If you were uncomfortable with the child seeing you naked, you could go to the bathroom stall, wait a few minutes, move to a different part of the locker room, or cover with a towel, etc. if you were uncomfortable seeing them naked, you could turn around, simple as that. All of those solutions solve the problem without disallowing access to the family with the child.
 
@sprinkle I’ve used men’s restrooms and I’ve seen little boys in women’s locker rooms growing up. It was never that weird. Usually, boys would go somewhere more private, like a private dressing room, and it wasn’t a big deal. When I had to go to the restroom with my dad Bc I couldn’t be left unattended, I just was taught not to look at anyone, mind my own business, and my dad would watch the stall while I used the restroom myself. Yeah, at a certain point it’s not necessarily appropriate, but a little kid who had to be supervised by the opposite sex parent wasn’t uncommon in my time growing up. I just learned to be respectful of people’s privacy. There have been times I’ve accidentally gone in a men’s restroom as a kid without knowing and being embarrassed when I realized because I didn’t pay attention to anyone’s bathroom business.
 
@sprinkle I don't have a problem with little kids being in a locker room with opposite sex but once they start noticing and staring at other people, it's time to come up with another solution. It is natural to be curious but it is also rude to stare. One solution is to buy a changing towel (kind of a long poncho). Slip off his suit, slip into sweatpants. Quick and easy.
 
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