Do y’all also do this to your kids?

[iqoretyby]

@tobi80 I expect she.gets very frustrated with being deliberately ignored after she's made a reasonable request.

Why don't you write down the things you need to do instead.

 

[victoriawonders]

@tobi80 Ofcourse it would be better to just have a normal conversation on how to solve this problem than yelling, but everyone has moments where they cant control their temper completely.

But its important that she tries and keep calm and not let it get out of hand. Hopefully thats whats she is doing, and this doesn't happen daily or turns into more hurtfull words.

Maybe discuss some kind of schedule, like you do x taks every week or every friday or whatever.
And if there is something she wants you to do thats not scheduled, she has to write it down so its less planning for her.

Its great that you try and figure out ways to remember doing something, its hard but very important to find solutions like that.
Having to write it down is still better than things not getting done because you cant remember otherwise.

I have ADD and had a therapist and friends and family members help with coming up with solutions like that, i dont think i would've gotten half as far in life without those tips, even tho i still struggle with certain things its a lot easier now.

At some point you will probably have your own place and its a lot easier to be prepared and know how to do and manage housework and other tasks.

 

[jacobbranch]

@tobi80 My mom don’t even gotta tell me what to do growing up. I see it, I do it.

If there’s dishes, clean them. If the floor is dirty, go vacuum.

 

[tamaraz]

@tobi80 Having a list helps... but make your OWN list and then DO IT. There IS a point where you need to actually try and be self-sufficient. You are being lazy. Mommy isnt going to be here forever to tell you what to do...

 

[richking58]

@tobi80 A couple things…

My husband I used to hear do something very similar to his mom (we met at 21) - “hey, could you take the trash out?” (We’d just cleaned from thanksgiving at her house). “Nope. I don’t do trash”. She stared, then “oh son” she sighed. He did take the trash out. But not for a few minutes.

Then one day as we’re married and cleaning up - to which I’ve done 99% of the work. “Hey babe, I’ve got the trash piled up. Can you take it to the bins?” “Nope. Too busy.” (He was gaming.) I genuinely Lost My Shit. Lost It. Why? Because I had worked overtime that week, did the grocery shopping, made dinner, cleaned up dinner, did the laundry, paid the bills - whole nine yards, and all I was asking was for a very little help. Yet I was being told “no.” …my husband did try to explain while I was mad that he was just being sarcastic, and trying to be funny. Which is what I assume you were doing, right? “I’m a teenager. Teens AlWaYs Do ThE oPpOsItE of WhAt YoU tElL tHeM. So you should tell me to do the opposite. Ha ha ha”. That’s the thing - given everything the situation, it’s not a time to joke. Look at your mom - she was obviously stressed. She didn’t need sarcasm. Is the responsibility on her to be the “grownup in this situation”? Yes. But she probably had just a little too much on her plate, and you basically made fun of her.

 

[richking58]

Now let’s also look at a few things…

At 14, there are things I shouldn’t have to tell you to constantly do. You said that you were making yourself dinner and watching something, so I assume it’s safe to say that you were not making dinner to eat at the table. Are you taking your dishes back to the kitchen and cleaning them up? How many dishes are you going through a day? Are you going through so many that when your mom gets home from work, there’s an entire pile in the kitchen sink? Realistically, how hard is it for you to either wash off your snack bowl and put it in the dishwasher or wash it and put it away? To be perfectly fair, if my five-year-old knows to put her bowl and spoon in the sink after having dessert, a 14-year-old should also be able to know that. And maybe take it a step further and actually wash it, or at a minimum, put it in the dishwasher.

I’m pretty sure that you know what your chores are.

Consider this: theoretically in four years, you’ll be graduating high school, and moving off to college. Your mom is trying to prepare you for the real world, where she will not be there to tell you when and how to clean. More than likely she has been telling you, since you were a very little kid. Kids as young as 1 can be taught to put their toys away - my son is 18mo n has been throwing away trash for months now. Why do you start so young? Because “how to keep a clean dorm room” or “how to live responsibly” is NOT part of college orientation. In fact there’s not even a class on it. By the time you were 18, you should have already figured this (how to clean, how to take care of yourself, how to do your chores in a timely manner) out.

I asked you to reflect on yourself. Why is your mom constantly having to tell you, or as you put it write it down, the things you are supposed to be doing?

Are you getting too distracted by games/television, then by the time you remember, it’s very late at night? if so, then you are procrastinating too much. Try doing your chores first, then use your recreation as a reward for getting them done. This was a hard lesson for my husband to learn, as we had many fights over “his free time.” Free time should not come at the expense of others. recreational activities are just that, they are recreational. They are not some thing that takes a priority over anything else. So if you have not cleaned up after yourself, that needs to be done first.

I agree with what other people have said. You already know what your chores are. Make an agenda in your calendar, set an alarm, or do whatever it is you have to do. But they need to get done first. Before wrestlemania. “But wrestlemania is at ____”. Doesn’t matter. Plan accordingly. If you know that the show will start at 6 PM, then get home early that evening, make sure all of your chores are done first, and then you’ll have plenty of time to watch it.

These are habits that you will have to learn to work on, and learn to change. It can be hard. Trust me, I’d rather be watching Downtown Abbey, but if I don’t make my daughter, her lunch, she won’t eat at school. You have to learn to follow the priorities in your life.

 

[yanoca]

@tobi80 When adults do what you did, we call it weaponized incompetence. You know what needs to be done but won’t do it unless you’re specifically told to. At 14, you should be starting to learn to take personal responsibility and organization skills. Do you have a phone, a home assistant device, or a calendar in your own room? Use these things to remind YOURSELF what to get done. Eventually it will become common for you to do and you won’t need to plan for it. But in the meantime, help out an overloaded mom and try to do better.

Thank you for caring enough to ask and for helping when you do.

 

[lynturc]

@tobi80 Yes, at 14 I would expect my child to know their chores and be able to recognize when they need to get done. You have eyes. Set reminders on your phone. Learn to help out around the house instead of giving your mother grief.

 

[ariel92]

@tobi80 When you have a job, your manager will expect you to do your job duties after they're explained. They will not remind you over and over or write it down because that's how you'd like it. They'll fire you and find someone who can handle carrying out their responsibilities regularly and reliably.