Do y’all also do this to your kids?

[tobi80]

Hi. So I’m 14 and earlier tonight, I was eating, watching the wrestlemania press conference and when I was waiting for my food to finish my mom started talking about how she’s tired of having to write stuff on the board or asking for simple things like washing the dishes, or sweeping the kitchen floor, or vacuuming the living room floor. Even though she knows that’s how my brain works, you have to write stuff down for me to do it, and I don’t know if that’s something normal or not. And I kinda made a remark of “I do the opposite of what you tell me to do” as a complete joke! And yet she just started popping off, “don’t sweep the floor”, “don’t live as a slob”. So I guess my question is, do y’all also do this to your kids? And sorry this is so long and kinda turned into a vent. Love y’all. Keep you and your children safe.

 

[barelohim]

@tobi80 She might have had a rough day. We don’t always communicate the best either so give her a break every now and then. At 14 I expected my son to do things without always having to be asked. Try to set your own reminders and give her a hand sometimes. She will 100% appreciate it.

 

[tobi80]

@barelohim Yeah, I try that most of the time, but tbh, it’s kinda hard to when she doesn’t tell me what needs to be done. And sorry if I sound rude saying that.

 

[livingtheblessedlife]

@tobi80 She might just not want to have to be your manager. Since even though you are helping by doing the chore, she has to keep track of it and remember to remind you or write it down, so it's still on her mental load.

You guys should have communicated better and you are still a kid, so the responsibility to have the better behaviour is on her. She is probably just annoyed that she probably has/had to do the same with your dad.

 

[tobi80]

@livingtheblessedlife Yeah, I guess so.. funny enough, I guess she’s a manager of two things now. (She works as a manager, and she’s looking for a new job because of reasons.)

 

[mandie07]

@tobi80 I have a 12yo with similar issues, and it's truly exhausting having to constantly remind him of the same basic rules we've had forever ( don't leave your laundry everywhere, don't throw stuff around, clean your room, don't leave food out where your toddler siblings can spill it). Imagine if you had to tell your friend constantly how to act like a human bc they were an alien. How quickly would that get exhausting? The older you get, the more responsibility you have to take on. Write your own list, and set a schedule with alarms.

 

[catfish18]

@tobi80 It’s a good lesson for when you get older. Your Mom won’t always be around to tell you what to do and eventually you have to help yourself and be independent and proactive.

 

[crystalhello]

@tobi80 I can tell what needs to be done just by reading your post.

 

[lothair]

@crystalhello Yeah… OP “never knows what needs to be done unless directly told every single time”, yet somehow is able to remember things just fine for writing them in this post lol

 

[tobi80]

@lothair Yeah cause that was when it just happened. Sorry if I sound rude just saying the truth

 

[robertharbour]

@tobi80 you’re 14, wake up. you do not need people telling you what needs to be done. show some initiative. adulthood will be very difficult for you if you continue with this mind set.

 

[tamaraz]

@robertharbour Weaponized incompetence

 

[jayy18]

@tobi80 You already know what needs to be done. Whatever your routine chores are needs to be done repeatedly over time. Make yourself a list in the notes app of your phone, and set alarms to go off periodically to remind you to do the chores on that schedule. This way everyone wins. The house gets cleaned on a schedule, you show your mom that you are being responsible, it’s written down so you can see it, and your mom doesn’t have to write it down anymore. Show her you are responsible.

 

[marepagef]

@tobi80 She shouldn't have to tell you EVERYTHING that needs to be done. You ate breakfast? Wash your dishes. The laundry basket is full? Throw them in the washer. You spilled stuff on the floor? Go sweep/mop it. The toilet is dirty after you ate taco bell? Go get the brush and take literally 30 seconds to clean it. You just peed? Put the seat down. These things are common and easy to do. If you forget things that easy make your own list to help her out. She would love and appreciate it

 

[karinjeanne]

@tobi80 Parents should communicate clearly, calmly, and respectfully. There are many of us, even as adults, who can't just look around and intuit what someone else might want us to do. If you've stated that you need a written list or instruction to know what should be done, honestly that's very self-aware and good self-advocacy.

You don't deserve to be teased or judged for communicating your needs, or for having trouble if those needs aren't met. If this is just a single isolated instance, then maybe she had a bad day. But if she regularly disregards your request for written directions and then belittles you for not reading her mind, that sounds kinda manipulative or emotionally abusive to me.

Plus, you're 14. Old enough to do many things independently, but still an age where most people still need reminders, support, mentorship. Plus everyone matures at a different pace - it's not for her to decide what your capacity 'should' be. As your parent, she needs to work with what you are capable of and support your development. Sorry if she would rather be rude and not put in that effort, but you can't and shouldn't mature faster than you are.

 

[tobi80]

@karinjeanne Yeah, my parents (mostly my mom) doesn’t do the whole “calmly” thing. And it might because I’m an asshole (which I get from her). And also, this happens on what feels like a weekly basis where I got to tell her to write it on the board. And with the whole reminders thing, you’re right, I am old enough to be able to do that kind of stuff, but it never works. The list has to be done by someone else for me to do it which doesn’t make sense to me. Also, sorry if I seem rude during this.

 

[redvelvet97]

@tobi80 Read what you wrote and put yourself in a parents position. You know the answer, you must be self aware.

 

[marshmelly]

@tobi80 Do what to our children, exactly? Tell them to do their part in the household? Get frustrated when it's not happening? Yes, she was stressed but all she did was tell you that she is sick of having to do all the organizing.

Go ahead and google "mental load". It is INCREDIBLY exhausting to be the one who has to think of everything and remind everyone to do their share and I guess she just had enough.

Maybe it is how your brain works, but maybe you are just so used to not have to think about chores yourself that you don't even try.

You are 14. You have functioning eyes, I assume. If you see crumbs, swipe them up. If there are dirty dishes, put them in the dishwasher. That's not even chores. That's just life.

If you know you need things written down to not forget, write them down yourself.

 

[seekinghope]

@tobi80

you have to write stuff down for me to do it

You may have an undiagnosed issue but you still need to take control of your own actions. You need to make your own reminders to do stuff. Source: I have daily reminders set on my phone for various tasks.

That said, if your parent asks you to do something, don't reply with sarcasm. That won't help. And telling your parent "I do the opposite" is just pure obstinance and unproductive.

 

[tobi80]

@seekinghope Yeah, honestly, the “I do the opposite” was most likely obstinance. Because I try to get at least a bit of revenge at the slightest chance, because one day we were supposed to go to a store (not gonna say which one because it’s local) and they promised to take me? But, did they? No! They didn’t even mention it. Which is I guess my fault. For 1. Being a bad son and asking to go somewhere. And also, what do you think I have that’s “undiagnosed”? Sorry if I sound rude at all, that’s never my intention.