@carlosbroch Please stop punishing him because that will only continue to push him away from you and encourage a relationship of distance and closed emotions, which leads to deceit and ultimately a damaged relationship and leave him with memories of trauma. A punitive approach is never a more successful option than a collaborative one.
Have you had him assessed for ADHD? I was very smart and did very well at school (first in my year level twice) when motivated but also really struggled with severe procrastination, and the typical ADD type distractability which can’t be “punished” away because it’s not a choice, it’s our brains hardwired dopamine seeking activity. Executive function can be very degraded even in highly intelligent people.
Try to approach him with love and empathy. Connect with him by finding out what he finds fun, what is the thing that he finds so enjoyable that he doesn’t notice time passing while he is doing it? What things excite an inspire him, when has he been proud of himself, what has he overcome. The Peter Benson TED talk on finding your child’s spark is brilliant:
Focus on strengths, and spend time just doing little things with him like just have a brewed tea in the evenings together, or getting an ice cream by the beach or whatever simple thing feels nice and doesn’t have an end goal. Build the positive parts of your relationship with him and that will lead to a greater trust, connection and more open communication. Then you can start to talk through what he feels and what are the obstacles he is struggling with (he may not be able to figure this out alone either) and have some honest, supportive conversations that become constructive.
And if you can, please get him assessed for ADHD or ADD, I wish my parents had done the same for me when I was at school, I may have ended up finishing one of my uni degrees with the right support and maybe medication (not always necessary though, sometimes just OT type support is enough).
