Decreasing number of night feeds while cosleeping

[southern_at_heart]

Hi! My baby is 6 months and we’ve been cosleeping on and off since she was a few weeks old but consistently for the past two months. From 3-4 months she did fairly well in her bassinet next to the bed, eating 0-2 times between 10 and 6 the average night. Since she’s been back in bed with me (just me; partner is in another bed for now) she’s steadily increased how much she wants to nurse at night. She eats well during the day and also does some solids now.

I don’t really mind if she wakes up and wants a quick nurse to fall back asleep but it’s getting to feel like full feeds several times a night. I have a small chest and she’s also a tall baby so pushes off my legs so that her face is closer to mine than to my boobs. So basically when she wants to eat most often I have to adjust her and myself and usually can’t fall asleep while she’s nursing though sometimes I do. I’ve gotten better at falling back asleep, but last night for instance she woke up to eat at 10,2, (that was our longest sleep stretch in a while, 4,5,6. (She is usually up for the day at 7:30.) I try to comfort her back to sleep without nursing if it’s been less than three hours but it almost never works.

I don’t really want to stop cosleeping. I hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night. But I really miss getting 3-4 hour stretches of sleep. Would love some advice! Thank you!

 

[gigaquad]

@southern_at_heart It's sooo normal for babies to sleep well around 3-4 months and then from 4 months onwards sleep far less well. The four month regression is a permanent change to their sleep cycles.

And also, they're beginning to move more so of course they're hungrier? They used to lie there doing nothing and suddenly they can roll over/sit up/wriggle around/start to crawl. All that is to say, at 6 months it's unlikely they're feeding more because of proximity to you and more likely it's because they're genuinely hungry - especially if they're full feeds.

I wasn't cosleeping full time until 7 ish months and it was because my little one was feeding so much overnight since 4 months and I was at breaking point, I needed her to be with me so I could do it lying down. She's back down to 2 feeds on average now at 11 months, still cosleeping.

 

[southern_at_heart]

@gigaquad Thank you, I do need to remind myself she’s probably just genuinely hungry. When did your baby go down to two feeds?

 

[gigaquad]

@southern_at_heart It's so hard, trust me I know it's not easy. And there are still peaks and troughs for us. Usually it's 2 feeds on average but then last night she fed hourly.

So at around 8 months my little one was averaging 3 feeds (down from 50 million when we weren't bed sharing) and then from 9 months to now - 11 months - she's averaging 2 feeds, but a good number of nights it's only been one feed and I've felt like a new woman haha.

One other thing to consider is whether you're aiming for too long a night, this might mean the sleep pressure is so low in the early morning that she is sleeping really lightly and wakes more. Eg, if you're trying for a 12 hour night - research has shown the actual average for overnight sleep is closer to 10 hours. So she might need more awake time. Just a thought!

 

[southern_at_heart]

@gigaquad Thank you so much!! lol cracking up at 50 million feeds. Felt that way sometimes! I’m definitely getting more sleep now that she’s in my bed.

The night length is so hard! She’s started to go with an earlier bedtime so the nights are probably ~11 hrs but we’re definitely not pushing for longer. When it was more like 10 it was actually nicer for us bc we could watch a movie while she napped and then have some time with her before a later bedtime. Just trying to follow her cues!

I really appreciate your help!

 

[gigaquad]

@southern_at_heart Hahaha good luck and I hope she gets back to some longer stretches soon!!

 

[dinkold]

@southern_at_heart Is she teething? She could be nursing more for pain relief / comfort. Whenever our LO was teething we gave a dose of Tylenol before bed to help with the pain.

 

[southern_at_heart]

@dinkold She’s been drooling a ton for the past ~6 weeks but no other signs of teeth. we did Tylenol one night earlier this week and it didn’t seem to make any difference.

 

[craigbrickhill]

@southern_at_heart Have you tried side lying nursing ? I feed and barely feel awake lol. Can your partner take your LO at night or in the morning so you can sleep for 3/4h and you pump b4 or after you sleep. As with all babies this sounds like a phase. Teething or growth spurt

 

[southern_at_heart]

@craigbrickhill I am nursing side lying, and sometimes I do fall back asleep but sometimes I can’t get comfy! My partner is willing to take her in the night but I only ask when I’m having a hard time since then he’s awake whereas I can usually sleep with her. He does take her most mornings for an hour or two so I can sleep or just laze by myself! Helps a lot.

 

[neostarwcc]

@southern_at_heart The most success I had while cosleeping was looking at my watch/phone and keeping her awake for a full feed (10m on each side, for us - 20m total) each time. I would jostle her and talk to her to keep her awake for the full 20 minutes. I found that when she would snack - have less than a full feed before passing out - she would eat more often.

The ACTUAL way was to put her on a floor bed in the nursery and roll away and go back to my own bed after those full 20m feeds. Then sometimes when she woke up she would settle herself without waking up enough to cry for me to come in and feed her.

 

[southern_at_heart]

@neostarwcc That’s a good idea to make sure it’s fuller feeds. I’m definitely guilty of letting her do a quick one if it means both of us falling asleep faster!

Considering bringing the floor bed my partner is currently sleeping on in her nursery into our room and putting here there and then moving to our bed and back to her as needed. But maybe it would be better to just do this in her room. Trying to balance her ~learning~ and getting some independent sleep with maximizing my own sleep and even walking across the hall sounds miserable multiple times a night!

 

[neostarwcc]

@southern_at_heart I totally get it! I do think some distance and letting her fuss for a few minutes is key (not cry hysterically mind you…but my baby “wakes” and makes moaning and fussing noises for a minute or two and then rolls over and goes back to sleep. It’s long enough that when she share a bed I pull her to me to nurse, but short enough that when we are in different rooms she falls silent before I get to her.

 

[lukewilliameckert]

@southern_at_heart I have more or less the same issue with my LO he's 5 months old, and he used to sleep 6 hours straight in his bassinet. Now we bedshare and he's waking up more and more .. like every 1-2 hours. He wants to nurse pretty much every time. I feel like I'm doing something wrong but I don't know what to change, and side lying doesn't work very well for us. Just solidarity, I hope it's just a phase as the other commenter says.

 

[southern_at_heart]

@lukewilliameckert Yeah sounds really similar. Like I worry I’m “allowing” her to get so much of her feeding done at night and creating this habit in her. Not worried about longterm issues but obv I’d prefer her to eat during the day and to get longer stretches again! I’m sorry you’re going through it too. I don’t really think we’re doing anything wrong but it’s hard!