Constant 5 Y/O Reminders

[al3xpeak]

Hi! I’m a new(ish) mom. My son is almost 1. We are in the process of selling our home in order to build a new one. For the time being we are staying with my in-laws. My BIL is also staying here while he has his daughter (5 y/o) as his home is being renovated currently and they are unable to stay there during. Prior to having my son I have not had much experience with children, like hardly any. I love niece very much but I am struggling majorly with the constant reminders.

I guess my question is, is this normal? Every time anyone asks her to not do something, it seems that we are repeating ourselves a few minutes later. Then again. Then again. And again the next day and so on. Explanations are always given with “rules” as well. For example, literally since my son was born we have had to tell her that she can not try to pick him up or pull on him etc. So, this has been almost a year straight of this rule. With the reasoning being that it is not safe and he could be hurt. Normal things do not bug me to repeat so much as the things like this that are safety related. I remind her at least once a day not to try to lift him. Is this normal five year old behavior/boundary testing?

 

[junimora]

@al3xpeak Hi! I have been a step parent for about 9 years (been in my SD’s life since around 6 months old, she’s 10 now, but I don’t have any bio kids). I know this doesn’t compare to a human child, but we have always been very strict about picking up our mini dachshund. He’s now considered an elderly dog and has back problems, but we still have to constantly remind her not to pick him up or move him from couch to floor, floor to couch, etc. because of the back problems dachshunds have. I think this is normal for a kid. This isn’t the only thing we have had to remind her of over the years- even things involving her own safety like not putting her legs on the seat in front of her in the car or talking to adults she doesn’t know. I’m not a doctor or a child expert in anyway so I could be wrong. For things we have had to remind her about daily, we have found it helpful to place notes to remind her (after she learned to read) like turning lights off or putting dirty laundry in the basket. And for things like picking the dog up required discipline like loss of screen time or time out. Your niece isn’t your child so it may not be an option to discipline her, but I would just suggest supervision if she’s around your child since she may not even understand how she can cause harm yet, even after explaining it to her. Kids are very “self focused” until around 10-13 years old and that’s normal for development. Again I’m not an expert this is just my experience. My step daughter is a very empathetic and considerate kid, but we still have to remind her about things like not picking up our dog because of his age/health issues. She means him no harm and wants to hold him out of love, but it’s still something we have to enforce regularly.

 

[al3xpeak]

@junimora Thank you for this insight! She definitely shows my son tons of love and I know she would feel awful if he did get hurt. It’s good to have some outside perspective since I have zero experience. Thank you for taking the time to give me such a thoughtful response. I definitely feel better knowing I’m not the only one repeating myself 24/7 lol.

I hope your doggy and family are well!

 

[veladon]

@al3xpeak As a mom of a 4 y.o, almost 5, yes, kids need to be reminded sometimes. How often will depend on the kid, if they are tired or not, type of education that is being given, among other factors.

 

[regularposter]

@al3xpeak Yeah this is normal. She's repeating the same behaviour over and over.

What's less normal is that all the adults around her also seem to be repeating the same behaviour over and over. If reminders aren't effective, stop doing that. Do something different.

My strong suggestion: prepare the environment to prevent the "need" for useless reminders. Look into separate play spaces. She clearly doesn't have the self control to stop. It is the adults' responsibility to do something about that, so do it.