Concerns about extreme 'cry it out' for a 10 week old

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gladaonkth

New member
Edit: TW neglect

Hi there!

First of all, I want to mention I don't have kids yet myself, so I in no way claim to know a lot about babies and their sleeping behaviours. But this just doesn't sit right with me.

A couple we know relatively well (new dad is the son of my mom's partner) has a 10 week old little girl. From what I have heard, it's quite the easy child, not fussy at all.

Now, the couple has taken the advice of new dad's mother, who says babies need to learn structure and discipline (needs to get tough), so they should put their child to bed at 7 p.m. and not get her before her night time feeding around 10 p.m. Essentially, letting her 'cry it out'.

My mom and new dad's father visited the couple one evening, and my mom remarked the girl was so quiet, to which the new dad told her she's not. In fact, they keep the door to upstairs (where the baby lays) closed and the baby monitor off, so you can't hear her. The girl was actually crying it's lungs out, and it took quite some persuasion from my mom to be allowed to get the child out of bed. The couple also mentioned that a few days prior, they had found her and her bed covered in vomit, probably for crying too much. They tried to convince them to not do this, but they kept to their 'structure and discipline'-thing. My mom's partner tried talking with his son multiple times since, but to no avail. The routine continues, and the girl hasn't learned to soothe herself yet, if that may surprise you. So the girl spends each evening crying for hours on end, unattended.

Now, two questions:
- Is this as bad as I think it is? It sounds like neglect and I don't feel like I'm overreacting, but I'm no parent yet, so...
- If it's as bad as I think it is, do you think I should try to contact one of their caregivers (GP, child counseling bureau) about this?

Thanks for you thoughts on this!
 
@gladaonkth Pretty sure 10 weeks is considered wayyyyy to early for any kind of sleep training and letting baby cry till they vomit sounds horrendous imo if anything the only thing she’s learning is that mom and don’t won’t come to her when she’s in trouble what if she had choked on the vomit …. If they’re going to let her cry it out they should at least have the monitor on to make sure she’s safe and not having an emergency or something
 
@gladaonkth As a new mom to a 7 week old boy, I am fucking horrified at what I have read. Absolutely not! This is neglectful if not outright abusive. My heart breaks for that poor little girl.

As a child who was neglected and abused growing up, these kinds of techniques are setting her up for a lifetime of attachment trauma. If she even lives to be that old, as this goes against all safe sleep advice and greatly increases the risk of SIDS
 
@hisgrace124 Thank you for replying, and I'm sorry if I've upset you. Her safety is what's concerns me in the first place now, but I can imagine what harm it might do psychologically as well. Sorry you had to experience this yourself.
 
@hisgrace124 I have a 16 week old who luckily is a very independent little sleeper and sometimes she half awake fusses in the night and goes right back to sleep. I still get up to check on her anyways 😭 can’t imagine leaving her to lay there screaming until she throws up I would be devastated
 
@hisgrace124 same, i haven't let my 7 week old baby cry more than 3 minutes and this was because i was literally pooping . I am devastated in tears just thinking about this little innocent 10week old vomiting herself to sleep. omg i am so hurt by this, it's straight abuse
 
@gladaonkth Cry it out is a form of sleep training. Sleep training isn’t recommended until babies are at least 4 months old. This is when they can self soothe and connect sleep cycles. When you are sleep training you are monitoring the baby, seeing how long they CIO for and making decisions when to intervene. It’s not just stick a baby in a dark room and leave.

Letting their 10 week old CIO, not even monitor her, letting her vomit, and seemingly not care is neglect and/or abuse to me. I very rarely comment on posts but this made me so upset. So she vomited and was left to sleep in it?

Idk what this structure and discipline nonsense is either. Babies need routine. Before bed, feed, bath, read a story, swaddle, sleep. That’s structure to a baby.
 
@georgecmom I guess I have to mention that both parents are mentally challenged, but functioning adults. I'm not sure what's wrong with the new dad's mother though to suggest this.
They didn't know she had vomited, since they hadn't checked on her. Thank you for your reply, acknowledging this is wrong.
 
@izraeli3 I don't know the medical details, but I guess I can say they both have low intelligence (the mom was severely premature born), and the dad also has moderate to severe autism.
Edit: wrote mild instead of moderate
 
@gladaonkth Being a micropremie doesn’t automatically mean low intelligence, there’s always a chance of delays or developmental disorders like autism but being premature alone doesn’t mean low iq. However if both of them are there should be some sort of guidance or authority to help them
 
@izraeli3 Yeah sure, I know one doesn't just result in the other, but that's how it was explained to me. Probably some other underlying things, but I'm not aware of those. Guidance deels necessary indeed.
 
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