Co sleeping isn’t working. Nothing is working

[chenml60]

I don’t know what to do. Nothing works to keep my baby asleep except in my arms. My back is killing me, my arms are killing me. We have tried every tip and trick I can find on the internet and in these subreddits. Falling asleep is the easy part, he just won’t stay that way. He keeps waking up every 10-20 minutes no matter what position we are in.

He won’t sleep in his bassinet, in his crib, in my bed next to me, on my chest. Only my arms.

I’m not proud of bed sharing. I’m super scared of SIDS, but I have been running on fumes for 2 months. I’m desperate, falling apart, falling down the stairs. Even risky bed sharing isn’t working.

We’ve gone through 2 pediatricians, and both just tell me to put him on his back in a bassinet or to shush him, that it will pass. IT’S NOT WORKING. Nothing is working. Again, he’ll go down easy, then just wake up. And I’m not confusing active sleep for waking up. I wait until his eyes are open and he starts crying out before grabbing him.

I’m documenting everything each time we attempt to sleep: what temperature the room is at, what decibel the white noise machine is, what he’s wearing, what I’m wearing, music on, music off, fan on, fan off. I’m logging his sleep into the Huckleberry app, staring at my notes and the data in the app, trying to find some sort of pattern or sense or solution.

Anyone who can help me is helping when they can but my support system is very small and everyone has jobs or their own babies to take care of. My husband helps when he can, but he needs more sleep because he’s working and has a medical condition that requires him to be rested. When he does take over, it’s a mad dash to eat and shower, then try to squeeze in an hour or two of sleep.

I’m unraveling and my doctor wants to give me Zoloft. Fine, okay, but that doesn’t solve the problem of me only getting an hour or two of sleep a day. How am I supposed to go back to work next month, and commute an hour each way?

Did anyone else experience this? When did it stop? How did it stop? I’m scared.

ETA: he’s 11 weeks old. LO is EFF. We tried really hard to BF but his latch was bad so after 5 weeks of struggling my supply dried up.

Edit 2: he does have reflux and is on medication for it. He also drinks a hypoallergenic formula because of a milk protein allergy. We went through 5 formulas before finding one that gave him a happy belly.

 

[wren84]

@chenml60 Try changing his formula, try all the types you can. You might need hypoallergenic formula

Additionally. Your baby is only 11 weeks old. This is unfortunately normal, you don’t want babies this young to deeply sleep. It’s protective against SIDS to have a lightly sleeping baby.

 

[chenml60]

@wren84 We are on the 5th formula and it is hypoallergenic because the doctor thinks he has a milk protein allergy on top of the reflux.

 

[wren84]

@chenml60 Is he on reflux meds? Have you tried putting him on a slight incline?

I’m trying to think of other things. Have you tried craniosacral therapy? Probiotics? It seems he’s only sleeping this way from tummy pain/discomfort. Is there any other formula option? Have you considered HiPP hypoallergenic? Or is there a script one, that isn’t alimentum or nutrimigen that you could try? I wish I could help I feel so bad for your little guy and you. I do think as he gets bigger and his digestive system develops he will adjust though, I know that’s no help for now. I’m so sorry you guys are dealing with it all.

 

[chenml60]

@wren84 Yes to all of it. I added more info to the post, thanks for helping me realize that I did indeed leave it all out.

 

[wren84]

@chenml60 Try a craniosacral therapist if you haven’t yet. It’s worth a shot.

 

[easterd2]

@chenml60 Get a referral to an allergist. I'm a dairy allergy mom. Pediatricians are amazing, but theyre not allergists. You want a specialist in your corner with this one as early as possible.

Good luck. This is a tough road.

 

[juliand]

@chenml60 It’s an awful horrible time but it will get better. I might get downvoted to oblivion for this, but I know someone that slept propped up with the baby in her arms for weeks. She was a doctor but knew it was the only way to save her sanity.

On a different note, have you tried a cranial osteopath? It really helped my little one

 

[aleethia]

@juliand

I know someone that slept propped up with the baby in her arms for weeks.

Cosleepy on Instagram has a whole bunch of posts on how to safely chest sleep. Propping yourself up and your arms up on pillows is a big part of it.

 

[luvmypets]

@aleethia This is the only way I survived with my reflux babe. He slept like a dream (for him) after I did this.

 

[evans26]

@juliand Can I ask you about the cranial osteopath? My partner is a HUGE sceptic and I am trying to persuade him that it might be worthwhile. What did it help with specifically ?

 

[juliand]

@evans26 I’m not sure where you are but in the UK osteopathy is very regulated and you don’t get quacks. It’s very well recognised and far more respected than chiropractors here (in my opinion).

The fact that osteopathy is a common treatment on the NHS is very reassuring. I’ve used them several times for my rubbish back and had great results. We’d heard it can be good for babies that got a bit smushed in the womb, so asked our midwife and she recommended it. Again, in case you’re not in the UK - nearly all pregnancies here are treated under midwives not doctors. Our midwives have more in common with a paediatrician than a doula.

We took my daughter when she was only a couple of weeks old and she seemed a lot less stressed after. I’m not sure how else to describe it other than to say she looked more open physically. She stretched wider, cried less and overall felt less smushed.

Because of how regulated it is, we figured, what’s the harm? It might not work but it can’t do any harm. Why not try? I’m glad we did!

Edit: just seen you’re in the UK! Sorry, I assumed American. I thought you were the OP

 

[evans26]

@juliand Ahaha got it thank you!
My partner actually works in the NHS as a physio and that's why he has a hatred for osteos. There is apparently no evidence they work. But in my eyes if they don't harm then why not give it a go?

 

[aprilbutterfly88]

@evans26 Me and my partner were super skeptical but caved after months of extreme colic (screaming for up to 12 hours a day). She also wasn't using one of her arms like she was the other. Turns out the difficult birth had left her with a ton of tension down that side. After just one session, she was a different baby. It didn't fix everything as she also had allergies and a tongue tie but she started sleeping more, was clearly more comfortable in herself and screamed a lot less. We did three sessions and were able to leave it at that until this month when we could see the tension had returned and we took her back after some really awful sleep plus she started crying everytime we put her down to change her. We were warned it could happen when she started to try and crawl, which is exactly what's happened.

Honestly, I don't care why it works. But she loves the sessions, leaves there visibly relaxed, and it helps!

 

[juliand]

@evans26 Ahhh that’s very interesting! I’ve never even considered a physio. I always thought of it as for people who had much more serious issues or were sporty. He may totally dismiss what I’ve said and he may be correct.

My only argument would be that if it doesn’t work, it’s just a nice little baby massage

 

[chenml60]

@juliand I finally resorted to sleeping with him like that and it worked for a week and now suddenly he just doesn’t want to sleep like that anymore. He was giving me 3.5-4.5 hour sleeps at night, and then he pulled the rug out from under me and said PSYCH!

I have never heard of a cranial osteopath. I will definitely look into it, thank you!

 

[rollo22]

@chenml60 Is it possible baby has reflux, so laying down flat may be hurting?

 

[chenml60]

@rollo22 He definitely has reflux, but he’s on Pepcid for it and a special formula. He doesn’t have symptoms anymore because we manage it. That’s why I was sleeping kangaroo style with him and that worked for a week and now suddenly he absolutely will not sleep that way.

 

[faiththeist12]

@chenml60 Hey! First just wanted to give you a virtual hug. For many babies this is normal. People used to have a village to help, now so much is on us. It's not feasible to do it all, biologically normal infant sleep is not restful for adults.

My first son was very similar to what you described. For months I thought I might die, I was so exhausted. I now have twins and personality wise they are a lot easier. Even together, my first was just so much of a worse sleeper. So what I'm trying to say is it's not your fault, some babies are like this and comparing with others will only make you feel worse.

As for my advice, since you don't have other people to help, I highly recommend you and your husband shift sleep to some extent to make this period bearable. I know you said he works and has a medical condition but shift sleeping can still work. Figure out how much sleep he needs and the hours that he needs to sleep. Eg maybe he needs to sleep 8 hours so midnight to 8pm. You need to aim for at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep by yourself. So let's say your husband gets home from work at 6, you visit and debrief for 30 min, shower and eat for 30 min and then you go to bed at 7pm and sleep until midnight. Take melatonin if it feels too early. Your body will adjust. This 5 hours is life changing and you'll be able to get through whatever his night sleep is like. If you get 2 hours of broken sleep, that's still a 7 hour night and you'll feel good during the day.

During the day, try to baby wear to get stuff done. My first hated to baby wear until he was 4 months old but we kept trying and eventually he loved his soft structure carrier. By 8 months, he did all his naps in the carrier on me or my husband. It was a life saver !

Anyway, I hope this helps. It's so so hard, it won't last forever and I promise some day you will be on the other side looking at your sleeping 5 year old !

 

[anirobal]

@chenml60 At this stage we did sleep shifts and eventually brought on help. If you can watch 5- midnight and dad watches midnight to 6 you all will feel so much better. I’m sorry the 2 month mark murdered me and almost broke my marriage. It will get better.