Co Sleeping w/o Judgment?
- Thread starter greykell
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johnzurbah
New member
@greykell I really feel this. The first month after my baby was born, he wouldn’t sleep longer than 15 minutes in his crib, half an hour if I was absolutely lucky. Post partum recovery was already tough as I had stitches, but on top of that I was so sleep deprived. As I was breastfeeding and didn’t respond well to a pump at first, I absolutely had to do the night feeds, and even though my husband tried to help with MOTN nappy changes etc, we both just got no sleep.
After about a month of basically sleeping about 1-2 hours a night max, I was almost delirious with the lack of sleep. I cried most days, and sometimes just felt so numb I didn’t care about anything. I couldn’t feel anything for my baby at all, except this resentment that I felt guilty about, and I felt like I made a huge mistake.
I’m from a south Asian background, and most women in the previous generations of my famil co-slept with their kids. Pre-kids I was adamant I wouldn’t do it, as it sounded so risky to me how they did it. But my mum suggested it one day, and I was so desperate that I looked up the safe sleep 7 rules and just went with it. OMG, the first night of doing it, my baby slept a full 4 hours before waking to feed, and life basically did a 360. He’s now nearly 4 months old, and he sleeps soundly most nights now, waking up only once to feed, which I do side-lying, so I get quite decent sleep in general. I don’t feel sleep deprived anymore.
I still sometimes feel guilty that this is what I’ve had to resort to to parent my baby properly, but I just can’t function without sleep. I desperately wish he would sleep in his crib, and I still try to make sure he has his daytime naps in his cot. But he absolutely won’t sleep in his crib at night. But to be honest, co-sleeping hasn’t been bad at all, and sometimes I love sleeping close to my baby, and feel a rush of love when I see him sleeping soundly next to me. I don’t know how I’ll eventually move him to his own bed, but others have done it, and I will too. For now, I’m just going to give myself a break, try and not feel guilty, and remember how much life improved after co-sleeping. My baby is happy, calm and content since co-sleeping. I’m happy, feel more like myself and am content too. We are human too, and we can only do the best we can, and there’s no hard and fast rule for how your baby will turn out if they sleep in a cot vs if they co-sleep. Just do what works for you, and the rest will work out eventually.
After about a month of basically sleeping about 1-2 hours a night max, I was almost delirious with the lack of sleep. I cried most days, and sometimes just felt so numb I didn’t care about anything. I couldn’t feel anything for my baby at all, except this resentment that I felt guilty about, and I felt like I made a huge mistake.
I’m from a south Asian background, and most women in the previous generations of my famil co-slept with their kids. Pre-kids I was adamant I wouldn’t do it, as it sounded so risky to me how they did it. But my mum suggested it one day, and I was so desperate that I looked up the safe sleep 7 rules and just went with it. OMG, the first night of doing it, my baby slept a full 4 hours before waking to feed, and life basically did a 360. He’s now nearly 4 months old, and he sleeps soundly most nights now, waking up only once to feed, which I do side-lying, so I get quite decent sleep in general. I don’t feel sleep deprived anymore.
I still sometimes feel guilty that this is what I’ve had to resort to to parent my baby properly, but I just can’t function without sleep. I desperately wish he would sleep in his crib, and I still try to make sure he has his daytime naps in his cot. But he absolutely won’t sleep in his crib at night. But to be honest, co-sleeping hasn’t been bad at all, and sometimes I love sleeping close to my baby, and feel a rush of love when I see him sleeping soundly next to me. I don’t know how I’ll eventually move him to his own bed, but others have done it, and I will too. For now, I’m just going to give myself a break, try and not feel guilty, and remember how much life improved after co-sleeping. My baby is happy, calm and content since co-sleeping. I’m happy, feel more like myself and am content too. We are human too, and we can only do the best we can, and there’s no hard and fast rule for how your baby will turn out if they sleep in a cot vs if they co-sleep. Just do what works for you, and the rest will work out eventually.
carriebell
New member
@greykell I suggest ordering the newborn insert for the Halo once it comes in. My little guy was having a hard time staying asleep in the Halo because he felt too “free”. Ordered the insert which sort of “hugs” him a little more and now we can get up to 3 hours in it. It’s an add on so you have to order it directly from the Halo website
foster2010
New member
@greykell We’ve coslept since day 2. It was what was best for my family. We learned to do it safely. Baby is 7mo and i wouldn’t have it any other way. He feels safe with us, and I am an extremely light sleeper. No drugs, drinking, smoking..nothing. Same for husband. We sleep great. What works for some families..might not work for others. My baby can now fall asleep on his own as long as we’re laying right there, and now we can just step out when he falls asleep at night until we go to bed. When we are all ready, we will put him in his own room.
foster2010
New member
Also @attatchmentparenting & @cosleeping was a life saver
@greykell Yep, the sleep deprivation is what made me set up our sleep space so that we could safely cosleep if needed. A lot of night feedings I do side-lying, so for some of them I was falling asleep accidentally anyways. If you are EBF, non smoker, don’t drink, and it’s just you and baby in bed (there are more specifications on how to make the bed safe), I think it’s great! We usually do about half the night in the crib, half the night cosleeping. There have been two nights where I have drank and we did the crib only and it was not fun but I wanted to be safe. And another night or two where I slept next to his dad, so I kept baby in the crib next to the bed for that, too. If you know the risks and mitigate them, I think cosleeping can save your sanity.
@greykell My LO is a koala baby who loves closeness and we sti cosleep at 14m. It has literally saved our sanity. I wish I had started from day one. @cosleepy is a great resource on instagram for safe bed-sharing. She also has tips to safely sleep with baby on your chest. My baby had pretty bad reflux and couldn't really sleep on his back nor would he sleep next to me so my introduction to cosleeping was sleeping with him on my chest for part of the nights following her tips. My husband and I also took shifts and still do to some extent. How we split shifts has changed over time with the baby's sleep patterns and our needs. Highly recommend regular check-ins with your partner to make sure everyone is getting enough sleep and coping as well as possible.
Anyone who judges you for bedsharing is either lying about also doing it or was blessed with a baby who sleeps well independently. It's not realistic for everyone to do crib/bassinet only. I really wish the AAP would revise their stance and acknowledge that it's a very western-centric and classist recommendation that completely ignores biological nature and the reality of new parents.
Anyone who judges you for bedsharing is either lying about also doing it or was blessed with a baby who sleeps well independently. It's not realistic for everyone to do crib/bassinet only. I really wish the AAP would revise their stance and acknowledge that it's a very western-centric and classist recommendation that completely ignores biological nature and the reality of new parents.
@greykell I didnt cosleep until my baby started the 4 month regression and also started teething and also started only wanting mommy (me) all at the same time, but we've been successful with it 
babies love to be near their parents, especially their moms when they're so young. You make your baby feel safe and secure and it's perfectly normal for them to want to be with you. Do what you have to for survival, the first few weeks are tough!
babies love to be near their parents, especially their moms when they're so young. You make your baby feel safe and secure and it's perfectly normal for them to want to be with you. Do what you have to for survival, the first few weeks are tough!puddintain
New member
@greykell Pump, it's what made it so sleeping in shifts was actually an option for me. You need 4 straight hours to stave off the worst effects of sleep deprivation. The schedule we used was feed at 7, pump immediately after, in bed by 8pm, sleep till 12/1ish (depending on when she next feeding after my husband gave her the pumped bottle)
@greykell I co slept since day 1, I personally didn't know there was so much judgment around it but I feel like it's more cultural than anything because everyone I know co sleeps. I do have a clingy baby but we sleep through the night and take long naps together throughout they day. she is only 3 weeks now.
minecoolray
New member
@greykell I was in the exact same boat as you. I never thought I’d co-sleep, but there I was in the haze of newborn exhaustion absolutely wrecked and barely able to stay awake for feeding. My midwife was actually the one to suggest co-sleeping, and told me the safest way to do it.
I loved co-sleeping. We ended up doing it full time until he was 4 months, and it was fantastic to be able to just half wake up, start feeding, and fall right back asleep. My kid is a happy little toddler now, but I still enjoy the occasional days when he ends up back in bed with us for a few hours. If we have another kid I have no doubt that I will co-sleep again.
Keep in mind it is far better to co-sleep when you have properly planned to do it safely than it is to accidentally fall asleep while holding the baby. Pro tip, look up the side lying breastfeeding position, that was my go to feeding position when my baby was little!
I loved co-sleeping. We ended up doing it full time until he was 4 months, and it was fantastic to be able to just half wake up, start feeding, and fall right back asleep. My kid is a happy little toddler now, but I still enjoy the occasional days when he ends up back in bed with us for a few hours. If we have another kid I have no doubt that I will co-sleep again.
Keep in mind it is far better to co-sleep when you have properly planned to do it safely than it is to accidentally fall asleep while holding the baby. Pro tip, look up the side lying breastfeeding position, that was my go to feeding position when my baby was little!
icelavander
New member
@greykell I remember a work colleague giving me advice just before our first child was born. The first six months is about survival. Just make sure you and baby survive. Do whatever you need to do. We had all sorts of shit going on that people would pass judgement on and I think part of it is just getting to the point where you stop caring what people say. My new saying is: Be supportive or fuck off.
erikacolnick
New member
@greykell There are many factors that suggest co-sleep can work for mothers such as whether the baby is full term and is low risk. Please read the following research on NPR or give it a listen. I personally Co- slept occasionally using the exact method described in this article where I was breast-feeding in the shell like position around my baby. I also kept a nightlight beside my bed so when I woke up I’d immediately see baby’s face. One time I woke in a completely dark room and it was terrifying not seeing my baby.
@greykell I came here to say that I was in the exact same position with my first child. I ended up safely co-sleeping with her for 3 mos. I’m not going to lie, it helped a LOT with getting sleep in, as she was a major contact sleeper and would only sleep on me. She would scream bloody murder for as long as she could if she wasn’t in my arms. Once I started co-sleeping with her, we both got longer stretches of sleep, and she was sleeping 8hr stretches by 1mo at night.
As soon as she started rolling, I worked hard to transition her to her own bed (which was the playpen with a bassinet insert in it until she could sit up on her own). There was a lot of struggle and back and forth trying to get her to stay in her own bed, and some naps were 15-30mins. It didn’t exactly help that I decided to do this during her 4mos regression, but I didn’t have much of a choice.
Regardless, she eventually did okay with night sleep (I usually had to stay in the room until she was asleep though…and this continued for a long time, but I personally didn’t mind because it gave me some reading time). Honestly, I did this until she was 2yrs old, and I just didn’t bother trying to “fix it” because I enjoyed the time.
However, it does come with a price…because daytime sleep was always almost in my arms or beside me on the couch for a long while…even past the 3mos. She ended up never being much of a day sleeper at all, so it may have just been how she was.
NOW, with my new 3mos old, she is such a different sleeper than my first. She sleeps in her bassinet, and has from the very beginning. Yes, there are times where she contact sleeps, especially now that she’s going through her own 4mos regression, but it’s not as debilitating. Usually, she’ll sleep from 10:30pm-6:30am in her own bed, but if she DOES wake up earlier, I’ll co-sleep with her until it’s wake-up time. Some naps, if she’s extra fussy, I’ll lay with her on the couch/floor. Some naps I’ll hold her for the whole 40mins or so (thanks to the regression they’ve shortened, but she used to have 1-3hr naps in her bassinet before).
I’m currently trying to get her to fall asleep on her own, instead of in my arms or with me next to her, and that’s the one thing I wish I did more consistently with my first. But now that I have my 4yo, I don’t have the time to sit with the littlest one until she falls asleep anymore.
All in All: you do what is best for you, as long as you are informed and can do so safely. It worked out for my situation, and I know others who have successfully co-slept as well, and some who have not (because their children still need to co-sleep with them at 5+yrs…).
As soon as she started rolling, I worked hard to transition her to her own bed (which was the playpen with a bassinet insert in it until she could sit up on her own). There was a lot of struggle and back and forth trying to get her to stay in her own bed, and some naps were 15-30mins. It didn’t exactly help that I decided to do this during her 4mos regression, but I didn’t have much of a choice.
Regardless, she eventually did okay with night sleep (I usually had to stay in the room until she was asleep though…and this continued for a long time, but I personally didn’t mind because it gave me some reading time). Honestly, I did this until she was 2yrs old, and I just didn’t bother trying to “fix it” because I enjoyed the time.
However, it does come with a price…because daytime sleep was always almost in my arms or beside me on the couch for a long while…even past the 3mos. She ended up never being much of a day sleeper at all, so it may have just been how she was.
NOW, with my new 3mos old, she is such a different sleeper than my first. She sleeps in her bassinet, and has from the very beginning. Yes, there are times where she contact sleeps, especially now that she’s going through her own 4mos regression, but it’s not as debilitating. Usually, she’ll sleep from 10:30pm-6:30am in her own bed, but if she DOES wake up earlier, I’ll co-sleep with her until it’s wake-up time. Some naps, if she’s extra fussy, I’ll lay with her on the couch/floor. Some naps I’ll hold her for the whole 40mins or so (thanks to the regression they’ve shortened, but she used to have 1-3hr naps in her bassinet before).
I’m currently trying to get her to fall asleep on her own, instead of in my arms or with me next to her, and that’s the one thing I wish I did more consistently with my first. But now that I have my 4yo, I don’t have the time to sit with the littlest one until she falls asleep anymore.
All in All: you do what is best for you, as long as you are informed and can do so safely. It worked out for my situation, and I know others who have successfully co-slept as well, and some who have not (because their children still need to co-sleep with them at 5+yrs…).