Co-parenting sleep schedule

[lycealon]

Context: My daughter is almost 3, I have primary custody & she visits her dad e/o weekend.

The father of my child & I have very different parenting techniques, including beliefs about routines & bedtimes. At my house we have the same routine every night (outside, dinner, bath, books, bed) & she’s sleep no later than 7:45pm.

At her dads he lets her stay up later, play on electronics, gets a bottle (that is a story for another day), & goes to bed closer to 9/10pm or when she’s ready.

When she comes back from her dad’s house it takes a few days to get her internal sleep schedule back on track, she’s good for a week but then the cycle repeats.

I try to spend more time outside, eat larger meals, take longer warm baths, have more wind down time etc after she comes home but she will still be wide awake at 9pm.

Any tips on helping her transition & keep her routine when she comes home? Has anyone else experienced this & does it improve with age?

Extra: Her father & I do not coparent well together, he doesn’t want to change routine at his house.

 

[geodub]

@lycealon I have this same problem with my four year old, and it’s honestly so frustrating. I keep our routine exactly the same and really try to limit screen time but at his dad’s house he pretty much has no schedule and is allowed unlimited screen time.

What I’ve been doing (mostly for my own sanity) is allowing a 15 minute “quiet time” right before bedtime and right after bath and book, where he is allowed to play with a tablet and/or watch a little tv (non stimulating) before he has to turn off the tv/give me the tablet and go to sleep. It’s honestly helped so much. I set a timer on his TV or tablet and when that timer goes off it’s time for bed, no exceptions. I’m very firm with that boundary, and he seems to understand.

 

[lycealon]

@geodub A little bit of screen time with a timer sounds like a great idea! I typically don’t do screen time on weekdays but honestly I’ll try anything to get her to feel comfortable & be on schedule!

 

[danields]

@lycealon If you are willing to add some flexibility to your schedule & routines the re-adjustment may be easier.

You can only control what happens in your home as annoying as his style may be.

Maybe you have a “flex” day with fewer rules and scheduled routines for the day she returns and start your “routine” the following day.

Remember that styles are different and children adjust to different rules/standards/routines. One isn’t better than the other - they are different- each with benefits and drawbacks.

 

[lycealon]

@danields A “flex day” is a great idea! Thanks for the advice & words of wisdom about only being able to control what occurs at my home

 

[danields]

@lycealon Good luck. I know it’s hard. You are a good mom.

 

[aaron3719]

@lycealon Does she still nap during the day? I have a similar situation but my kid is a bit older. After she comes back from dad i used to skip her nap and put her verry early to bed. The first two days she fights me and my routine a bit, is way more naughty too. But i keep my foot down and it gets better bit by bit. I let go allot of the differences in parenting and just try to be the stable factor. Hang in there!

 

[lycealon]

@aaron3719 She does still nap at daycare, about 2 hours a day. Unfortunately she’s not at the age where she can skip it completely yet

 

[halterfr33]

@lycealon We do 50/50 and have drastically differences bedtimes.

1-2hrs before bedtime is no electronics and minimal light. Bed time is 7:30pm so we're in bed by 7pm. It still takes LO a long time to fall asleep but I just keep trodding along anyways.

On days when it's already 9pm and they're still tossing and turning, I'll give them a 0.5mg melatonin which usually gets them to sleep in 15mins. They're noticeably cranky in the mornings when they're up past 9:30pm so I try to avoid bedtime that late.

 

[lycealon]

@halterfr33 In a very similar boat, anything past 9pm & I have a gremlin in the morning. She’s just about to hit 3 so I’ll introduce some melatonin on those transition days & see if it helps! Thanks for the advice

 

[imoh]

@lycealon I have the same issues, my child's mother thinks routine isn't relevant and will take her to any relatives house any day if the weekend and sleepover constant rotating of beds between houses because she's too cheap to get her own place. It's rough, what I did is just reinforce that routine never change because he kept her up late etc