Choosing School District

[nhecu942]

Hi Everyone,Looking for advice on the following:I coparent with my ex. We have 50/50 legal and physical custody. Right now neither one of us is the "residential parent". I live in one city and the father lives in another. Our kiddo will start kindergarten in Sept 2025. Conversations around "which school district" she'll go to are starting to pop up.My school district is rated as 7/10 by one of those "education websites". It has really positive reviews from parents, is extremely diverse, and most families are solidly middle-class. My ex's town district is a "10/10" and everyone in the town is rich (I'm not exaggerating, the entire town is comprised of mansions). As a result of the latter the schools have very little diversity (basically 0% for some ethnicities/races) and it is a very competitive/high bullying environment that I know for a fact our little one won't thrive in. Not to mention the father is a classic case of NPD.

I'm afraid that if he takes me to court a judge will look at just the test scores and go "whelp! she goes to the fancy school" rather than care about the big picture (no diversity, less nurturing, worse for kids with IEP, etc.). Has anyone gone through this process (i.e. choosing between two districts)? How did you go about collecting info that mattered? What was your outcome? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[katrina2017]

@nhecu942 I'm 6 months and $50k into a similar decision (public school vs. private religious school) and no outcome yet. Attorney says another 50k and we should have a decision.

 

[nhecu942]

@katrina2017 Yikes. I'm sorry. I don't have that kind of money and he does. I'm afraid he'll take me to court and basically bankrupt me to "win" instead of thinking of the kiddo. This is such a nerve-racking situation.

 

[katrina2017]

@nhecu942 It’s interesting because the public school and religious private one don’t use the same tests etc. I think this is because science vs. creationism and differences like that. They are very different in what they teach. Very much apples to oranges comparison.

I think you shouldn’t die on this hill, honestly. Either outcome seems good for your kid in different ways. A diverse school is good but so is a well-funded school. I think unfortunately that educational outcomes are pretty strongly correlated with school districts with high income families. You may be able to bring diversity into your kids life in other ways - friendship groups in your neighborhood, diverse families you are friends with, etc. this is the strategy I’m taking to counteract the racism and qanon crap my daughter is exposed to by my coparent.

 

[nyr94]

@nhecu942 Those school scores are BS. I say this as a teacher. They are factors that change weekly and are only updated every so many years. You want to actually look at the climate of the school. What is the teacher turn over rate the last 5 years? How do they support struggling students? How do they support high achieving students? How do they handle discipline and bullying. Look at those kinds of things.

 

[nhecu942]

@nyr94 Oh! Most definitely! But I have zero clue how to get that data. I'm in the district websites every week, but it's not there. And when I call or email the schools they don't pickup/respond. I asked parents and they told me that they won't interact with "future parents" till the kid is actually registered in the district and has to go there. So I'm at a loss on how to get deeper data that trumps the bogus school scores.

 

[nyr94]

@nhecu942 Honestly, they probably don't have it. It's done via census reports, state testing scores (which they can have their districts when they finish testing but they can't be compared to other districts until all districts are done), and a variety of other ways. The District office might have it or call your department of education. Also, again the staff is a HUGE factor in how successful a school is and how great the environment is. That's something that can't be shown via data.

 

[nyr94]

@nhecu942 Can you go to an evening event with another family you know? Maybe do this at both schools and see if you can get a vibe. You might already be a little biased that it may not work but it's worth a shot. Even better if you and your co parent can go together.

 

[dylan511]

@nhecu942 Google (your state) school report cards. Depending on your state, you should be able to locate the data you are seeking there. They are public access and maintained by the state Dept. of Education where I live.

Are there any local community resource facebook or social media pages in your town that you could ask how the local schools are? That's kind of silly the current parents responses you're getting. All the parents I know are more than willing to express their praise or disdain for the schools their children are in.

Look into community activities you could get involved in where other parents would also be involved. Strike up conversations with them. Parks & Rec., 4-H, library, etc.