Can anyone else relate?

[jlhargus]

Hi! I am 28(f) and my husband is 31(m). We have been together for 9 years in June. We have been married since April 2021. For longer than I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mother, but timing was not right at the beginning of our marriage due to job transitions, etc…
Our goal is to begin TTC this summer (June-September). I am educator, so it is really important for my pregnancy to line up with summer break to get ample time with my baby. l’ve had a very trying day. Not only are several people I look up to are pregnant and due soon, but two more women in my life just announced they are pregnant. I am so thrilled for them, it makes me want to cry. I get super emotional when I see announcements. It is like I am grieving something that hasn’t even happened to me good or bad. My heart aches for a child of my own. I just want that joy and experience for my husband and I so badly. I know the right thing to do is keep my eye on our timeline and look forward to that, but it is really difficult. Any suggestions?

 

[alfaofbetas]

@jlhargus The thing I've found that helps is concrete, physical steps. For example:
- have a pre natal appointment with your doctor to discuss pregnancy and go over anything of concern eg iron levels
- start prenatal vitamins
- eat healthy foods, exercise
- decluttering the house
- deep cleaning
- get finances under control
- organising life admin (eg wills)

I have found online research and googling things was not productive at all. It exacerbated the feeling of helplessness and made me feel worse. Physical actions are needed to clear the stress out and make everything feel real and possible.

 

[jlhargus]

@alfaofbetas Thank you so much! Those are exactly the steps we have taken though and so it is literally just a waiting game now due to work. Our finances our very healthy and we are well prepared. Our home is organized and almost ready, we are making adjustments in our home that we know we will need to have to be ready for baby. We deep clean regularly and try to tackle different deep cleaning items each weekend. I have an OBGYN apt scheduled for April. However, we do need to get a will made. So that is something to start focusing on! Thank you!!

 

[alfaofbetas]

@jlhargus No worries. If you're the creative type I have found making things extremely helpful, like baby clothes and quilts. So far I have only made them for others but I see it as getting up my skills for my own baby (and I'm keeping my favourite fabric for myself). It really gets the stress out and helps me feel like I'm mothering.

 

[jlhargus]

@alfaofbetas Yes!! I totally am. I have been learning to make bread and have been listening to audio books a lot to keep my mind busy but also at peace. I’m a needle pointer. Once I am finished with the project im on now my goal is to being a stocking for baby.

 

[lindalouie]

@jlhargus I'd also recommend term life insurance (in addition to the will). You could probably get a million dollar policy for like $30-40/month (speaking from being also 28F and having gone through the process recently).

 

[jlhargus]

@lindalouie Thank you! I’ll add to the list. Did you by chance get hospital insurance or used short term disability while pregnant?